I just became a widow on Oct.11,2007. I lost my husband to cancer. We were married for 19 years and have 3 children.
2007-12-20 06:40:26 · 24 answers · asked by swamprat71263 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so sorry for your loss!
I don't know that there is a correct answer for your question. Proper etiquette for a bereaved widow would, I'd think, allow for a defined period of mourning. But that time frame is just something that only YOU and your children would define. And I don't believe it's something that can be preset... but rather something that is determined in time. You most certainly should still live your life and attempt to find happiness through your grief. But again, only you and your children can define what will be able to once again bring happiness to your lives after such a tragedy.
I'm sorry, but I just simply can't imagine the kind of grief you must be going through. My heart goes out to you along with my prayers. May God bless you and your children. Allow Him to guide you through your grief... He will find happiness for you on the other side.
2007-12-20 06:49:55 · answer #1 · answered by hotmamaof3_1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry and my deepest sympathies. Nineteen years is a long time and with three children it can be difficult to say the least.
Now...how to act. I don't think there's anything thats a hard and fast rule. You don't have to dress and go into mourning like Scarlett O'Hara or dye your underwear black (I had an old Italian aunt who did that). You act as you normally would. I wouldn't suggest becoming involved with anyone imediately as I'm sure you have an adjustment period you'll be going through but in time you may decide to date once again. You're really too young not to.
You do what you feel right. The memory of your husband will always be kept alive thourhg you and any man you see who expresses jealousy or complains that you still keep pictures of your deceased husband around should be gievn a wide berth. Any man who complains about that has no concern for your feelings and is only being his selfish self.
Life is for the living. Live it as you see fit.
Good luck to you madam.
2007-12-20 06:46:58 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was widowed at the age of 26 after 7 years of marriage to a great guy.
You act like you need to act. My guy had been ill all our married lives. I hated losing him, but at the same time, I hated to see him suffer every day of his life, so even though I missed him terribly, I would have never wished him back to so much pain.
Do what you need to do to survive. You will know when it's time to put your grief aside and begin a new life.
Good luck, & God Bless.
2007-12-20 06:55:01 · answer #3 · answered by Barbi T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like any other greiving woman. Cry(for however long), get mad at the cancer, and let go.
19 years is a long time. You can find yourself open to a new relationship which will not replace your husband but will be a new journey for you. Enjoy each of your relationships.
In the case that you are not crying, jump right into the dating game.
2007-12-20 06:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by LandOfMisty 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Find a support group. Sometimes it's difficult to find an outlet for your grief when you feel like you have to be strong for your children. There are even support groups for kids. These are great places to find other people who can help you through the rough times.
Know that there's no one way to act. Every person is different and grieves in their own way.
2007-12-20 06:46:54 · answer #5 · answered by T. 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
so sorry, it's hard...try joining a widow and widowers support group.
Focus on your children's future...
Are you 40 or more join Red Hat Society, 40-49 yr olds wear pink hats, then at 50 they wear red hats. They have a lot of social activities.
Also, you could check out parents without partners - they have events to include your children.
Build a support group - church, family, friends, etc.
Take maybe 10 months to a year at least to regroup, grieve, and reorganize yourself.
My heart goes out to you.
Wishing you joy...
2007-12-20 06:48:07 · answer #6 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You go with how you feel.
If you're sad, it's okay to be sad.. you will be upset for a while due to the loss of a loved one and it will take time to accept that but just know he's in a better place.
Also, it is okay to confide in friends and family members if you're feeling down. To vent on how you feel helps with the healing process.
It's okay to get out more, socialize, and meet new people.. remember when you're having a good time you tend to forget about the sadness and grief in your life.
2007-12-20 06:45:07 · answer #7 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How old are you to be saying a young widow? She would act normally just hurt inside from losing her husband.. Try counseling it may help a little.
2007-12-20 06:47:05 · answer #8 · answered by LOVELY25 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You act like yourself. Be a Mom to your 3 kids and make sure they know you are there for them. Don't date anyone for at least a year because you are not ready emotionally. Throw yourself into projects at church or volunteering or just helping out friends and neighbors. If you have friends wanting you to "snap out of it" tell them no. You are not ready to stop mourning. Cry when you want and miss him. Then you will eventually remember him with a smile. Then you know you are feeling better. Be strong for the kids. They are depending on you.
2007-12-20 06:44:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, sorry for your loss. I too just lost my step father to cancer on Dec 7,2007 and him and my mother were together for 14 years. There is no right or wrong way for you to act. You need to go through your grieving and be strong for you and your children.
2007-12-20 06:44:54 · answer #10 · answered by ameri0903 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋