I'm Middle Eastern and my bf is Mexican. We have been together for 4 years and my family still doesn't even know he exists. I not only know his family, but i've even been introduced to his extended family. he's 27 and I'm 24 and we want to get married in a couple years. My family is very traditional and it will kill my folks. My mom has had 2 strokes to the head and my news will probably give her a third one. My mom is a VERY closed minded traditional person so I'm really torn. My bf is educated, treats my great, and has always been there for me. He's such an amazing person and I know that I will have a wonderful future with him. My family is important to me, but I want to be happy too. Any advise?
2007-12-20 06:26:16 · 28 answers · asked by Good Girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He needs to be introduced to your parents the way you introduced him to us. Good luck. You might need some for Mom's reaction. But Mom can't make you happy at night anymore.
2007-12-20 06:31:12 · answer #1 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Slowly introduce him. First as a friend from college or work, keep it casual, so at least your parents know of him. You can even bring a mutual friend if it would help make the situation seem like less of a big deal. Bring him over a few times, so at least when you two get married, it won't be a huge shock to them. I think it's the best you can do. If you have a sibling or cousin who knows him, he or she can help bolster his reputation and character. When you marry someone out of your race, all you can do to give a slight satisfaction is to state his positive qualities, and by positive, I mean, he has a stable and prestigious job, and an impressive income. I know it's sad but after observing all the interracial marriages in my family, the disgust is usually alleviated by "Oh, he went to Harvard" or "she's a lawyer", etc. Good luck to you!
2007-12-20 14:50:25 · answer #2 · answered by cows_go_moo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It must of been hard for you to keep this secret all these years. I do believe that you should tell your mom as soon as possible. Tell her that you love him very much and would like her to at least meet him before she makes any decisions about him. She is going to be upset for you not telling her for 4 years but I would not bring that up until she has gotten use to the idea of you loving someone that is not middle eastern. Focus on your feelings for him and do not try and defend your decision. Make sure you list for her all the reasons you love him and how happy he makes you. Be prepared to stand your ground. Your news will not give your mom a stroke, it sounds like her health is very fragile, and you could wait for her to gain her strength...but life is too short to have to hide the fact that you love someone from the world. It is never wrong to love. Never.
2007-12-20 14:35:33 · answer #3 · answered by transpersonalpsychologist 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're a 27 year old woman who is already pretty much living her own life without their permission, so why seek it now? If your guy is as great as you say, your parents will eventually see that as well, and if you truly love him you should be proud of him and not hide your relationship.
I have never known of one person literally giving another person a stroke just by telling them they are dating outside their ethnic background. Bite the bullet---you may be underestimating your family, especially if you tell them it has been going on all this time. What can they do?
2007-12-20 14:31:00 · answer #4 · answered by Marina 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is close to what my sister's best friend went through. The only difference was that her family had arrainged a marriage for when she graduated college. She refused and stayed in the US. She is now happily married with 2 kids (she's 33ish) to her college sweetheart. Her only regret is that she hasn't seen or spoken to her parents or siblings in 10 years. The chance to find someone that you truly love and he truly loves you back is hard to find. Do not give up on him. Maybe your parents will be more open minded than you think.
2007-12-20 14:38:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, get the racial card out of the picture. A good man is hard to find in any color, shape or form. Secondly, ask yourself this "Who am I going to grow old with? Who is going to care for me when I am senile and old?" The answer better be 'my spouse' or you are making a mistake. You are planning to grow old with a partner, not your family members who will marry, move on, or die of old age while you are still young. YOU must decide what it is that is best for YOU. A husband for life or a couple years of being the baby of the family. Your family will respect your decision but it sounds like you have doubts or you would not be asking a stranger on yahoo.
2007-12-20 14:34:25 · answer #6 · answered by rainwater 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You deserve happiness.. if your parents cannot accept the person you love then they don't accept you and who you are. If a parent truly loves their child they will accept who their child is dating so long as this spouse is treating you right and isn't using your or hurting you in anyway.
He makes you happy! So many women out there want a man that is truly their soul mate, you've found him... don't let his race and your parents outlook on that affect your future and later on regret it.
Instead, be happy with this man. Tell your parents that they don't have to approve of the relationship but you would appreciate it if they accept it and be happy for you.
After all, you don't ask them to change their beliefs and ways.. so why do you have to change your ways and what you feel is right?
2007-12-20 14:36:28 · answer #7 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you should still tell them, even though they are traditional people, they are your parents and they have a right to know, as long as your bf makes you happy thats all that matters, in time they will give in, even if they dont, if your boyfriend is someone you want to have a future with then go for it, they arent in the relationship with you and him. You dont meet someone that is perfect for you everyday. Good luck!
2007-12-20 14:45:44 · answer #8 · answered by Bree-Bree. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am hispanic and was married to a middle eastern and have middle eastern kids and you know as well as I do no one on here is going to understand this question.
Your family will never except it and they will wonder how you had to the time to even get that close to another man outside your culture.
I am sorry but that is the way it is.
I feel bad for you we live in america but I know the middle eastern culture they will never accept that from a daughter.
If you lived in the middle east they would not even accept you to marry outside your villiage or family.
And if they are muslim oooooh boy you better be prepared.
I have heard many many muslim father middle eastern men here and in the middle east kill thier own daughter who they loved because of it.
I don't know how strict your family is but please make sure you are willing to live the rest of your life alone if you choose this boy.
Good luck!
2007-12-20 14:38:44 · answer #9 · answered by lisalisa 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you have to follow your heart although you dont want to hurt your family you have to live for you
Because when it comes down to it when they are all gone and you are still here it will matter most to you that you had a good life
You dont want to regret it
Talk to your family about it tell them all the good things he does that he treats you well and that should be what matters If they really love you then it will be ok with them
2007-12-20 14:55:56 · answer #10 · answered by Miss J if ya nasty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋