Husband addicted to Everquest?

Question

Husband of 12 years works 9-5; plays EQ2 from 6pm to midnight. Playing games on-off for years...some years he stopped completely and began going out & hanging out with guys from work. Going out stopped and EQ2 resurfaced to a 40 plus hour addiction. Eats at the PC. We go to bed together. For the past two weeks, he & I have gone out on dates Saturdays - it actually feels good to spend an evening with him and have his 100% attention. But come Monday, he's back at the PC....what else could I do?

To the men, what would get you to drop EQ (level 70) to spend time with your wife?

Answer 1

In some ways be thankful. He could be off somewhere with another women.

I play World of Warcraft and when I first started I was playing 30 to 35 hours a week. I went from lvl 1 to lvl 60 in nearly a month. Anyway...my wife got sick of me playing all the time, until she got her own account and started playing with me. Its a lot of fun.

We are in a guild that is for Husbands and wives and we play probably 30 hours a week. You must be married to be in the guild we are. Now your probably thinking how can you be intimate with your husband if your playing that many hours a week?

In our guild, in the last 3 years, 18 of the 48 couples have had babies. 1 couple has had 2 babies, that were not twins, in 3 years.

Try it you may like it.

Answer 2

Does he see it as a problem, and does he want to change that? If he doesn't want to change, everything you do will be in vain. He needs to understand that this is jeopardizing your relationship. 40 hours a week playing a game is excessive by any standards - but if he doesn't see it, I'm not really sure what can be done to *make* him see it. If you keep harping on it, he'll probably just see you as a nag.

If he does want to curb his playtime, there might be "parental controls" available in the game that let you set certain times when the game can be played, and the rest of the time the game is not accessible. I don't know about EQ, but WoW has them. But first off, he really really needs to get it through his head that he can't be playing the game 40 hours a week; it's just not reasonable. Video game addiction can be pretty bad, my brother-in-law was addicted to WoW at one point, and the only way he was able to beat it was to quit "cold turkey". I play WoW myself, but it doesn't interfere with my life; I can take it or leave it. It's a relaxing pastime, and I usually put in a couple of hours of play every night if I have nothing else going on. But most other things take precedence, including spending time with my husband.

Answer 3

I feel your pain dear, My hubby does the same thing. To tell you the truth, it never stops- my hubby was playing EQ 24/7, then stopped while our baby was born, even canceled the account. Then he signed up for City of Heros and World of Warcraft and playing all over again, but a different game. What I do is just set up a date, twice a week to go to the movies or dinner. If you already have a reservation then he HAS to go or money will be lost (tell him you had to put money down to hold the reservation) Well, good luck, you can also do something to the computer to not make it work (I did that once out of desperation)

Answer 4

I don't know what to say. Some of those games are pretty addicting. Something cool to try would be playing with him and see if it's something you both might like (just a suggestion)

If not, try casting the "Curse of the shadow wolf" on him

That should sufficiently inflict -59 HP and take is magic down 1/2. From there you should be able to strike him using the "Arc of the mongoose". This will make him stop.

Answer 5

Unfortunately I don't know what you could do other than start going out by yourself and hoping he will eventually want to join you. This happened to my aunt and her boyfriend (they have been together 10+ years). He eats at the computer, stays up late playing, etc. Basically when he's not at work he wants to play. She basically stopped letting him eat at the computer and Saturday became their "date night". I don't know how much help this is but if you google everquest addiction you can find a bunch of people in your same situation that may have some more help than here.

Answer 6

I agree with Filthy_Crumb in what he/she had to say about those kinds of games. It IS sad that there's a living, breathing human being whose heart beats wildly for their man, and their man prefers virtual reality instead of REAL LIFE. It's okay to play games in your past time but men like this need to get their priorities straight!

My boyfriend does the exact same thing, except it's not always games, although he will sit there and play DOD for hours on end. I can't really offer you a solution because I'm trying to find one myself.

I do know that if you try talking to him like so many people have suggested, it's probably going to be a lost cause. I've tried this approach and it goes in one ear and right out the other. And they will deny that they have an addiction and won't like the fact that you're harping on them.

I believe the only way to catch his attention is to start paying less attention to him and focus more on yourself. Start getting dressed up and go do something away from home...either by yourself or with friends, more frequently. When he sees you getting all prettied up and going out, he'll wonder what's up but don't tell him you're just going out with friends. Say, "I got plans. See ya!" Act like you're not interested in him at all and stay aloof. If he asks what's going on, tell him something like, "Well you're more interested in your computer game than you are me, so what do you care?" That should get him thinking.

That's about the only thing I can think of that might work. I'm going to start trying that one myself.

But if in the end, he just doesn't "get it" and refuses to put you first, you may want to ask him if he'll go to counsiling with you and if he won't, I hate to say it, but do you really want to be in a relationship where his game comes before you? No disrespect...I know you've been married 12 years, but that should be all the more reason for him to treat you well.

Good luck! :-)

Answer 7

Blow up his computer or wait till he gets tired of it. No seriously though. Tell him that you don't like competing with a video game. Set aside time for just the two of you like date nights or just quality time but also offer alternatives to give him protected time to play his games. Taking an interest also helps. Obviously games are important to him. Instead of trying to change that, understand why and maybe even join in with him.

Answer 8

Well, *everyone* has an addiction somewhere in their life. Right?

It's just that being addicted to those homotronic role-playing games is *so* lame. The people who spend hours a day in that world feel powerless and trapped in their everyday real world life - so they strive for power, points, etc. in their fantasy life.
god you could mop the floor with the sadness.

What's that Thoreau quote? "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

I've never heard of anyone in that world *ever* stopping. Hence the name of the game -- *Ever*Quest.

I feel for ya, girl.

Answer 9

You need to bring it up to his attention that he may very well be addicted.
The “chronic” escapism of being involved in a game versus real life..is wrong.

Answer 10

If you've already talked to him about it, and he is still addicted, why not just hide all of the wires that go to the PC? I mean disconnect the wires, and when he freaks out about it, just say you disconnected those wires to symbolize how you were feeling in your marriage with him as a result of his PC addiction (you are feeling disconnected, like those wires).