my husband and new son?

Question

why does my husband think because he works he doesnt have to do anything with the baby?

Answer 1

because thats what they think, he thinks dealing with the baby is women work, all he has to do is bring home the bacon, let him know before it gets worse

Answer 2

Interesting.

It depends.

I don't agree that he is lazy.

Was the care of your son discussed before you had the child? Was the agreement (for lack of a better term) that, if you were a stay at home, the primary care for the child would lie with you? Does he have the social background of someone that believes in roles for men and women? This is not necesarily a sexist thing. I just don't believe this is an open and shut case. He could very well believe that he is fulfilling his role as husband and father by being a provider. Complaining to him will not do any good.

A better approach would be to ask open ended questions, such as "I want to rest and relax and so some personal things". Is Thursday evening or Saturday morning best for you to hang out with the little one. I will be gone for about six hours.

If you are at home, would you be in agreement that the primary care of the child should rest with you. Not because you are female, but because you are at home? Often times, people get overwhelmed with new roles and responsibilities. Maybe both of you are. Talking about it will prevent resentment on your end and a disconnect on his.

Answer 3

Well since all the woman on here have sterotyped your husband, let me add something.

What exactly would you like your husband to do? Does he help in other ways, like cook a meal, or maybe clean up the kitchen?
I think you need to communicate before you pass judgement. I think most men still feel rasing an infant is the mothers responsiblilty. But if you want to have it a shared responsibility than you need to make this clear. & don't forget your husband may be spending a lot more time with your child when they're older, so cherish the time you have together.

Answer 4

You can ask gently for help, do not sound agressive or angry or it will backfire. Use reverse psychology. Hint that you need help a bit here and there, if it don't sink in, then give up and accept it. Most men feel the 40 hr week is ALL they need to do. I am a full time college student double the classes this last 2 years, hubby works 40 hrs and gets home just as my classwork is done and wants to know when I am going to 'do something'. We have no kids, but the housework is last on my list becasue tuition is high, school is first. So when he barks a comment like 'when are you going to...'
I reply,
'when you help me do it'.

I have 3 jobs, school, house and you. I would have time to clean if you helped me with homework and reading my books, but, since that is not possible, you help me with the house work so we both have 1 1/2 jobs !

Answer 5

I don't know if the baby is a girl or a boy, but there are some cases were men have a difficult time adjusting to a baby or even become jealous of the baby. The best thing to do is to say something before the child will not take to him and there will be problems down the line.

Answer 6

Your husband needs a reality check. Work and parenting are 2 different things! He needs to realize this as well as knowing that helping you out with HIS son will only make him and the baby have a closer relationship..... Maybe you should ask him as a new year's resolution to try and do more things for you! I hope he will start! By the way, Congrats on your newborn! Good Luck!!! Happy Holidays!

Answer 7

I;m sorry to say but your husband is really lame. Just cause he works it doesn not mean he can get out of caring for your all's new baby. You work all day as well keeping up with the baby, the home, adn your health. If anything, he should be rubbing your feet, fluffing your pillows and bringing you dinner to bed after taking care of the baby. After all, he helped make the baby....He can help care for him.

Answer 8

Some guys need extra prodding when the children are babies. I am definitely more suited to kids after they turn school age. I had to learn.

My wife wasn't working when our babies came and I still got yelled at for not doing half. Now that the kids are older, I get it. The bottom line is that the father just needs to be involved more so the kids feel he can nurture.

Dads: it would also be nice to help someone who's still going through the emotional rollercoaster of post-partem and is married to you!! Stem the tide. She needs you more than ever.

Answer 9

Did you guys talk about your roles BEFORE you had the baby? If so and he isn't keeping up his end of the bargain I recommend a good counselor. Seriously, I don't think people realize how much work is involved, that is why my husband and I have dogs after 15 years of marriage.

Answer 10

Do what my wife did. As soon as I got home she met me at the door and handed our baby off to me. Seriously though, it might be that handling the baby makes him a bit nervous because he doesn't know what to do when the baby cries. You may need to coach him a bit, by giving him the baby and be there at first to show him how to handle what ever may come up. He will gain confidence and they will become closer. Then you will be ready for the next one!

Answer 11

Men tend to be nervous and unsure of themselves around a new baby. They don't have the same types of instincts that mothers have. Encourage him to feed the baby (if you are breastfeeding he can give the baby your milk in a bottle). Show him how to change diapers if he doesn't know how. But most of all talk to him (don't accuse). Just explain to him what it is that you want.