my bf has young kids and told me today that he has bought his ex a gift "from the kids" i cant handle this.... its killing me and hurting me too much b/c he doesnt realize he is giving her reasons to believe they will get back together how do i deal with this now?
2007-12-20 06:09:14 · 28 answers · asked by beautiful stranger 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It really depends upon the person. What you need to do- is look at the rest of your relationship- and their relationship. Is there other things - besides this that is bugging you?
I am divorced. I was going to say, I would NEVER buy my ex a present from the kids- but, what I do is alittle different. I did buy something from the kids - but, I made the kids work for it - and pay me back, so it didn't seem like it was coming from me. and I have NO FEELING what so ever for this guy. So, maybe he is thinking like I am - and it is just coming from the kids (I just didn't want them going out there for christmas and not bringing anything - so, was it for the ex? No- it was for the kids - I wanted them to feel comfortable going out there are christmas. (my kids are older- teens)
2007-12-20 15:31:40 · answer #1 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get over it! Just because he bought her a Christmas gift "from the kids" does not mean that he is in some way telling her that they may get back together! That's ridiculous! It was a nice gesture. My sister and her new hubby took his daughters shopping and paid for a very nice gift from the daughters for their mother and her boyfriend. And I know that their mother has taken them shopping and paid for the gifts that the girls will be giving to their father and my sister! If you can't handle it, then go ahead and get out of the relationship because there will be plenty of other things about having to deal with the ex that you won't be able to handle.
Good luck finding someone without a past!
2007-12-20 06:34:13 · answer #2 · answered by terribrooke 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even when he is your best friend, his relationship with his ex is his, not yours.
If they are divorced or separated, that's their decision, but the kids still need to feel they love them and that they have the right to buy a gift for their mom/dad. Obviously, if they are small children, is the parent who needs to buy the gift in their name.
I personally think that people who were together and felt something strong for each other should not be fighting and hating each other, much less in front of the kids.
If you are a good friend, as you said, just stay away of what they do. You can help listening, but not taking sides, because you never know, and it can fire back to you.
2007-12-20 06:19:53 · answer #3 · answered by SilviaTic 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get a hold of yourself and quick before you drive him away.
His getting the ex a gift from the kids is a thoughtful gesture and his telling you about means that he is not hiding anything from you and he is actually being upfront and honest. He feels like he can tell you what's on his mind. That's important in a relationship.
I think if you were more secure in yourself, you might feel better about this and you might even appreciate it...because if he does this for her what will he do for you who makes him so happy?
Now if the "gift from the kids" came from Fredicks of Hollywood or Victoria's Secret, forget everything I just said and dump the chump!
2007-12-20 06:20:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My son and I went out yesterday and bought a gift for his Dad - my ex - for Xmas. I have no intentions or desire whatsoever to reconcile. Your bf's ex is the mother of his children and he needs to show her respect and they will be in contact. If you cannot handle this then you should leave now. Would you rather he not have anything to do with his children? If you answer yes to that then you need to move on and find someone without kids.
2007-12-20 06:34:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parents are divorced but they are still plutonic friends. They share gifts at times and they have no desire to reunite. On the surface, nothing is wrong with it.
However, if your bf's ex is confused and thinks the gifts are encouraging her to try to get back together with him, then I would say the gift giving should cease immediately. I would also say that contact should be ONLY about the kids. If it's not about the kids, then there should be no socializing or gift giving. They should be cordial, but that's it.
If she thinks she may have a chance to get back together with your bf, then the gifts may be sending the wrong message, and I would recommend not doing it any longer.
2007-12-20 06:16:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the gift and how old is the children? If the children are too young to shop on their own, you shouldn't be worried about it. There's a reason why they split up in the first place. Does she believe that they are going to get back together? The best way to deal with this is just tell him how you feel about it and why you feel that way. His reassurance will make you feel much better.
2007-12-20 06:13:05 · answer #7 · answered by superintense 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/yJuWL
Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.
The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.
Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.
2016-04-29 14:07:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Slow down!!!!! Every year I bought my ex husband a Christmas gift from my children. That is really the right thing to do - why do you think it means he wants to go back with her or she will think that?? The kids should be giving their mom a gift and they are too young to buy it. You are going out with a man who has children - you have to be mature enough to realize that he has obligations. If you are going to get crazy over a gift that he is letting his kids give to their mom then wait til bigger issues come along. Stop being hurt over that - you are making this into something that it is not.
2007-12-20 06:18:12 · answer #9 · answered by Babycat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get out of a relationship with a person who has children from a previous relationship. You aren't mature enough to handle it. The gift is from the kids and isn't giving her any false hopes. Also you may want to visit with a psychologist before getting into any other relationships.
2007-12-20 06:13:38 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋