Do you believe that a 14-year old girl?

Question

should be permitted to freely engage in lesbian sex and that her parents shouldn't be told about this? My mouth dropped at this bit of "advice".

http://news.yahoo.com/s/dear_margo/20071220/en_dm/margo_howard20071220;_ylt=Avrcp.MgAXPurbRnqLummjADW7oF

Lioness: It's different for quite obvious reasons, but I agree that her parents should be told regardless of the "kind" of sex.

♥ ~Sigi~♥: So? The advice given was that the lady should not inform her brother of what was on her MySpace page and that she should be permitted to "experiment".

Answer 1

How is lesbian sex any different than regular heterosexual sex? Parents should look out for their children and sexual activities at such a young age, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Answer 2

Ehhh...I'm kind of on the fence about this. I agree with the others-whether it be lesbian sex or hetero sex, it makes no difference. The child engaging in sex at all is the issue. I would be concerned. BUT...I remember what it was like to be a 14 year old girl. Your hormones are running wild, you want to experiment, and I'm not sure any parental interference is going to change that. And seeing as how it's not the woman who wrote in's daughter...I think the advice was sound. The girl is not out having orgies with boys, she's not even 100 percent sure about her relations with the girl. Why go stir up trouble for this young girl and her family?

Answer 3

The vital issue here is that the child which may or may not be engaged in a sexual relationship is not the child of the person writing to Margo. It is her niece and therefore this woman should not be inserting herself into the parental role for this child. The person who wrote in was not looking at a page which she had permission to view...she was only viewing her daughter's page with permission...any information she garnished from other people's pages should only be used to determine who her child can be around.

A 14-year old should not be having any kind of sex...heterosexual or homosexual. However, given that the child who may be engaged in the sexual activity is not her own child, Margo's advice on asking why the s-i-l doesn't like the 3rd girl involved and bringing up what she saw only if the s-i-l's concerns are sexual in nature.

Answer 4

I totally agree with the Lioness. Encouraging or approving of a fourteen year old regarding having sex is wrong, no matter if they are straight, gay, bi-sexual or from the planet Mars.

I don't agree with the advice, either. The daughter knew her mother was reading her MySpace (gave permission) so it should come to no surprise if her mother should want to have a mother/daughter talk about sex after reading it. In fact, the daughter could have even subconsciously put that reference on her page because she does want that talk about sex or coming out and she didn't know how else to bring it up with her mom. Bad advice to ignore it, in my opinion. She should be opening up a dialog with the daughter, but not in a condemning way.

Answer 5

Here is the full text of the REAL question and the advice:

DEAR MARGO: I was checking out my 12-year-old daughter's MySpace (she knows I do this as a condition of her having it) and found my 14-year-old niece's MySpace (that my brother and sister-in-law do not know she has), where she alluded to having a "relationship" with a lesbian friend. The last time we spoke, my sister-in-law said she was wary of this girl, so I don't know whether I should tell her what I found. They live several states away, and we only see each other a few times a year. Their daughter is a good kid, and I don't want to cause problems, especially if my niece learns how her parents found out.

If it were my daughter, I'd want to know so I could at least talk to her about it. This kid is barely 14 years old.

--- WAVERING AUNTIE
DEAR WAVE: I suggest you say nothing. Assuming the "relationship" is sexual (and it may not be), the youngster is experimenting and should be allowed to do so without parental input -- which would not change the outcome, by the way.

It's not as though your niece is robbing banks and popping Quaaludes, dangerous behavior requiring intervention. She is figuring out her sexuality, and parents trying to steer a child away from a natural inclination are not going to be successful.

When next you talk to your s-i-l, you might ask what she dislikes about this friend, since she told you she is wary of her. If there are complaints about the girl that are valid, they should be the reason to put the kibosh on the friendship, not that she is a lesbian. "

Personally I agree with the advice. The woman does not know what the situation is with her niece and that's all there is to it.

Edit: I realise it's a judgement call but I'm thinking of what is the best thing for the niece and I think that when you are not sure you should say nothing because you can't really help and you might hurt.

Answer 6

I don't think that a 14 year old should be given enough space to engage in any type of sex. What happened to parental responsibility and supervision? I guess I am just getting old.

Answer 7

I think she should say something, even if it's pointing out that the girl has a site. She could then ask if the s-i-l monitors her daughters site the way she does. This might prompt the s-i-l to take a look and see what's going on.

And then I think she should have a little chat with her own daughter about what she get exposed to on the girl's site.

Answer 8

Lesbian sex is no different than hetero sex. It's sex no matter what.
At 14 years your hormones are out of range. You're now discovering yourself.This is why parents should look out for their kids at these ages so ensure that they make the right decisions.

Answer 9

No risk of pregnancy, but my father and sister both worked in women's prisons and I can assure you that STDs are a serious risk with all unprotected sex. Parent should be notified and any punishment should be their call. Since it is their responsibility, they should have the right to know. I mean, unless they can't be sued for their child's actions. But, this isn't a gender issue, it is a parental rights issue.

Answer 10

The problem with having sex at that age is that as teenagers we fall in love too deeply, i.e., puppy love, etc. Having sex at that age, even lesbian sex, only makes the break up that much harder.

So, I agree with you, no that's not good advice.