My husband and I have separated and he is living with his mistress he has had for awhile. Everyone is stressed and our daughter is experiencing the worst of it. I don't want her to be around the other woman, the other woman doesn't know how to act around our daughter, and my husband is uncomfortable with all of it. What can we do to make this easy for everyone? We are planning on getting a divorce soon, but I just want some advice. I'm stressed out and am afraid that it's affect her well being.
2007-12-20 05:37:14 · 6 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So stop imposing your "wants" on this situation.
This other woman is in your soon to be ex's life. Sorry, but that also means your daugther's life too. You do not have to like it, but you have to accept it.
This other woman and your daugther will develop their own relationship (good or bad its not your call).
Without you pushing what you want or don't want this will all happen easier.
2007-12-20 05:51:18 · answer #1 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first I have to say that both you and your soon to be ex husband are going to have to adjust to new people being around your child because that's what happens after divorce. I'm not saying for either of you to go bringing EVERYONE into your child's life, but bring it out for discussion and set guidelines. Maybe say that unless you've been seriously dating for I don't know...6 months, a year, they can't meet the child. That way it won't be as confusing for your child and won't be as hard for you or him.
Second, when I was engaged we found out my husband had a 2 yr old. I was the woman that felt odd and uncomfortable around this little girl because I didn't know my place. And that's probably what the mistress as you call her is feeling as well. Again, talk it out, set some rules, and let her know her place, if any at all.
You guys should try your hardest to be civil. If you feel anger building, hang up and call back later. If you can't speak to each other, can you email one another instead?
I'm a stepmom and my SD is 4 yrs old right now. My husband and his ex gf don't get along, well sometimes they do. I hate it SO much. For my stepdaughter, for my son, for myself...I hate it! So trust me, it's best for everyone involved if you guys are at least civil, even better if you can get along for the sake of your child. Kids feel it too! And you don't want her to feel stuck or like she has to choose. She loves both her Mommy and Daddy very much.....
Try writing up any concerns you may have and try asking him to do the same. And try amicablly sitting down and talking it out. If you feel tension, take a break. But I personally think everyone should at least try and be civil. Bite your tongue if you have to and be the bigger person. Your daughter will thank you for it down the road :)
2007-12-20 05:48:36 · answer #2 · answered by Momto2inFL 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I can tell you that the woman your soon to be ex-husband is with is probably a half way decent woman or he would not be with her. I mean he was with you right? So he must choose women that fall in a similiar category. So, have you even bothered to talk with this other women? Have you tried to get to know her to even make a judgement about her & the way she "acts" around your daughter? I can tell you she probably would like to be close to your daughter & get to know her but she is probably afraid of what you are telling your kid about her....being the jaded ex and all. Are you telling your daughter things that would make your daughter automatically NOT LIKE her? My own Mother tried to influence me against my step-mom when I was young & it was really unfair of her to do that. My step-mom is a nice lady, my Mom was just bitter. Don't do that to your daughter. Is the lady actually saying things to your daughter that are bad or something? Or have you been nit-picky about things that she may have said that were completely innocent & not meant to hurt anyone? Give the lady a chance. So your marriage didn't work out. Don't be jealous of her. She just wants to love your ex. She didn't ask to have an immediate family. She just fell in love. You fell in love with him too at one point. So you should understand. Talk with the other woman if you feel it is necessary. She would probably appreciate it as long as you are not combative & nasty about it. Being the "other" woman is never easy. Nobody can ever take the place of "Mom" & she knows that. You gotta remember she is probably a little scared & doesn't know what to do or say. Give her a chance.
2007-12-20 05:57:27 · answer #3 · answered by VintagePort 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your husband handled it all wrong with the "mistress". He is uncomfortable because he probably realizes it is wrong to bring his daughter around this woman before you're even divorced let alone before knowing whether or not he is going to be serious enough with this woman to have her be a part of his life permanently. You're the mother, you can insist that he not bring your daughter around the this woman until such time that they are in a serious and commited relationship. Worry first and foremost about your daugther's comfort---the hell with the rest. Mistress can find a rock to hide under when your daughter has visitation with her dad.
2007-12-20 05:45:32 · answer #4 · answered by Marina 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The mistress has nothing to do with this. Period. You and your ex meet over dinner or at your residence. Exchange gift and then he goes home. Why add more drama? Both of you should have her welfare in mind. It's the holidays for God's sake!
2007-12-20 05:49:37 · answer #5 · answered by KingDavid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u have to explain to him that as parents u all need to make it wrk, if your husban has moved on u should llow his daughter to be aroung his mistress even if u dont approve cause if u move on im pretty sure she will be around your mate.....be fair
2007-12-20 05:43:58 · answer #6 · answered by king sleezy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋