Please comment on my haiku?? It'll only take a sec?

Question

As the rain falls
The skies swell up with clouds
And the day turns into night

THIS IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT A HAIKU SO DONT BE REALLY HARSH!

Answer 1

I like it. Haiku is an interesting verse form.

Answer 2

As the rain falls - 4 syllables
The skies swell up with clouds - 6 syllables
And the day turns into night - 7 syllables

Your lines should be 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables. As you are writing your haiku, count out the syllables on your fingers. It's pretty easy: whenever a word has a natural break is the break for the syllables. For example: ex-amp-le, sug-gest-ion, dem-on-stra-tion.

Try it out with the correct amount of syllables. It won't be hard to change: Add one syllable onto the first line and second line, and detract 2 from the last, like so:

As the COLD rain falls, - 5
The skies swell up with DARK clouds; - 7
Day turns into night. - 5

Good luck and enjoy these fun little poems. :)

Edit: No, it's not just 17-syllables. A classical haiku has those 17 syllables arranged in the 5-7-5 pattern. :)

Answer 3

okay no hating here...vague and missing a syllable i think. i always thought a haiku consisted of 17 syllables and was a metaphor.
AS THE RAIN FALLS
THE EYES OF THE CLOUDS SWELL
AND THE DAYS WEEP TEARS INTO NIGHT.

*I JUST CHECKED A RESOURCE AND THE 17 SYLLABLES ARE BUT ONE STANDARD. YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

Answer 4

You are supposed to have 5,7&5 syllables in each respective line.This does not impress me as a viable art form except for star crossed lovers.

Answer 5

How about this modification?

Rain falls
Skies swell with clouds
Day into night.

Try to eliminate as many "the"s as you can. Good luck.

Answer 6

Me likey!! very good! u shall become a beautiful haiku writer!! luv ya!

Answer 7

beautiful... just use better words like words we normally don't use