My daughter just turned 3 should I tell her about her biological father?

Question

Ok her is the scoop......I had a baby 3 year ago with this guy Jason.Whick is her biological dad.We split up when she was 2 months old.And I got with this other guy that I am currently still with.So she knows him as dad and not her biological dad.He has seen her once this whole time and that was even before she turned one.So I got a phone call the other day and it was her biological dad wanting to know how she was...I think that after3 years that it will confuse her to much.I think that he will just be in her life for awhile and then poof...What do I do???

Answer 1

I don't know if she would really understand anyway. You could give it a try. It wouldn't hurt anything. Anyway Merry Christmas. Ella

Answer 2

hi.. practically the same thing happened with my son's girlfriend... her child's bio father popped into and out of the picture for 4 years.... but she's never been told that my son isn't her biological father.

now that she's almost 9, my son and girlfriend have split up.. someone mentioned telling her my son isn't the biological father, which is all well and good... HOWEVER, i believe she should have known all along.

my best suggestion is to look for books at major bookstores or the library on this subject, so it can be explained to your child in a way she will understand. I have kids and there were times i looked for books written specifically for kids on touchy subjects -- and did manage to find them.

if all else fails, you could talk with her pediatrician or make an appt with a child psychologist to ask about the best approach for a child who is just three years old...

it would be complicated for them to understand, since they don't have any idea about "how" they got here in the first place?

i sure hope things work out... and that you find a good way to talk with your daughter, so she will understand.

happy holidays.

Answer 3

I don't believe in keeping children away from either of their parents. People are more resilient than many like to give them credit for. In my opinion, she won't really be able to comprehend what is going on at this age. Although she may be confused, I doubt that it will be something she will dwell on or that it will negatively effect her life. Most likely she will only think about it until she decides she's thirsty or the next episode of Barney comes on. Right now her thoughts and emotions are not as complex as yours. I can understand why you'd be worried, but I really believe that it is causing you more stress than it will cause her.
My mother kept me away from my father for 5 years after their divorce. He was an alcoholic and verbally abusive. I finally saw him again when I was 15 and I barely knew him. He had changed his ways after we were gone and learned to better control his anger when he was drinking, but all I remembered of him was how he had treated us when I was young. He had apologized and I had honestly forgiven him, but we never were able to connect again and that has hurt us both for the next 10 years. On October 14th, 2007, I lost my father to a heart attack.
As long as everyone acts positively toward the situation when he visits, and he isn't abusive or on drugs, I honestly don't think it will be harmful to her. She won't truly understand until she's a little older, but children can sense their parents fear and that will make her feel insecure.
Your child will find out eventually who her real father is. Think about how your child will feel when she is a teenager and she finds out who her real father is. Hormones are raging at that age and you run the risk of losing her respect and damaging the relationship that you have built. Also, her relationship with your husband. Even as an adult, she may hold resentment toward you for lieing to her for so many years about something so important.
Please do not deny your child the opportunity to bond with her father. Remember that she is young now, but she will be an adult one day, and you should respect her as a person enough to let her decide if she wants her dad around. If you push him away now, he may not be there for her in the future. Then it will be on your hands, as much as his. You will still be there to protect her. If he ever stays away too long and makes her sad, you can be her rock. You can be there to tell her the TRUTH about why her father isn't there. Or leave that up to him and make sure he follows through. Don't fill her head with ideas that her father just doesn't love her enough or that he's no good. You will only hurt her more while the truth will bring her some comfort. One day she will be an adult and she will know that her mother cared enough to try her best to bring her father into her life. And she will only love you more for it. What happens between her and her father will be on their hands. She will grow and learn from it, whatever it may be. Children have been prospering through far worse things for many, many years. And you have to remember, she won't be alone. More than half of children will be from a broken home, even in elementary years. She will adjust, don't worry. Perhaps she can call her real father "Father" and her stepfather(?) "Dad"?
I hope you can remain strong and make the right decision. You're her mother and you will know what is right, if you just listen to your heart. I have a 3 yr old daughter myself, and I don't believe it's possible for me to fail her.

Answer 4

At this age it is actually really easy for children to meet new people and be open minded...the older they are the harder it gets. If her bio- father wants to see her by law he can, however if you feel it would be too difficult on your daughter I would reccomend having the guy you're with adopt her other wise there really isn't much you legally can do to keep him from her. Good Luck,
Momma_Bear

Answer 5

i became almost the comparable subject. I even have discovered one element in spite of the shown fact that, even though you do, no remember how valueless he's, what he did in the previous, even though he remains doing or quite no longer doing and so on, never EVER communicate undesirable approximately him on your daughter. below no circumstances. sooner or later she would manage to be great sufficient to flow and seem for himself, and basically think of she unearths him and gets alongside with him one hundred% completely high-quality and you have been telling her all her stay how undesirable he became. that could desire to harm your relationship and bond together with her continuously. And below no circumstances enable him to confirm her on his own. in case you do no longer sense you want to be around with him and your daughter all on your own, i'm particular you may ask a social worker to connect you. i does no longer take my boyfriend alongside, it would get emotional and a few gruesome issues might desire to happen. i assume i'm form of luckier than you, the dad of my youngster disappeared, no person is familiar with the place he's, i did no longer sue for help no longer something. He made it basic for me to cut back him out of my existence for good. i'm hoping you have the capacity to type this out one way or yet another. it is not basic.

Answer 6

You should let him see her and introduce them but don't say anything to her about him being her father just let them get to know each other and when shes a little older then tell her!!!!

Answer 7

Kids need to know about who their parents really are,but not at the age of three.It will just confuse her.Wait a couple more years.

Answer 8

the longer you wait the harder it'll be to explain it to her without her being upset. it's best to start explaining to her, really gently, before she fully understands. as she grows up, she'll get more and more used to the idea and there won't be that shocking revelation waiting for her.

Answer 9

I would wait untill she is older..I don't think it would be a good idea right now..who's to say that he will stick around this time..he don't have a good attendance record so far.

Answer 10

Not yet.