My husband and I were going through some issues in our marriage specifically that i had found out that he was leading a double life with another women and i found out and kicked him out. We were split for about 8months while he dragged me along for the first 2 or so waiting to work it out but he was actually having his cake and eating it too coming home giving me false hope and leaving me after the do(you know what i mean) was done and going right back to her and his second family as i called them. Then i got smart about what he was doing and i decided i was too young to sit around and play games so i took a guy up on the offer to go on a dinner/movie date. We hung out for the remainder of my seperation all the while i was honest about my situation. Eventually my husband and i reconciled and he moved back home, but my friend still tries to communicate w/ me. Am i wrong to want to speak with him, especially if my husband is still doing some of the same stuff that seperated us 2 start ?
2007-12-20 04:18:53 · 14 answers · asked by Lil Miss Miracle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes we do have 3 children 1 boy 8yrs and 2 girls 5yrs and 2yrs.I know the term do onto others as you want done onto you and i take that very seriously. that is why i didn't explore until we were actually seperated and i didn't think at the time that i would turn back and we would be back together. I haven't spoken to my friend in months because i know it is wrong as long as i'm still with my husband, but i find myself having the urge. I would never do anything close to what has been done to me to my husband because then it's just an endless game of spite and that is crazy.I love my husband but i don't love our life and i have seriouly been thinking about divorce i've even been looking up attorneys.I've come to realize that what i want with him isn't gonna happen unless we both want it and you can't force love on anyone.We had spoken about the incident in detail before reconciling and that was why i went back but i am starting to realize just what a great actor i have on my hands.
2007-12-20 05:25:58 · update #1
If you and your husband reconciled things, then yes you are wrong for wanting to maintain a relationship with this other guy.
But if your husband is still cheating on you, it's probably best that the two of you just split up and make things right for everyone involved.
Just get out of this dead end marriage.
2007-12-20 04:24:50 · answer #1 · answered by sugar sweet 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you two still married?
It is obvious that he is not going to change. He will do this over and over. Do you like to live like this? Do you need him that much that you will put up with this situation. If that is the case, something is, also wrong, with you. You need to resolve that for yourself.
The new boyfriend in your life. You like the feeling you get from hanging out w him. Don't blame you. It may not be love and permanent but it makes you feel better about yourself.
Do you and your husband have children? If not, I think it is time to begin a new chapter in your life.
Gather the courage, grow up a bit and take the first step towards a new life, the one that you can make for yourself.
God loves you.
2007-12-20 04:31:15 · answer #2 · answered by Rafita49 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and your husband have been separated, and you got back together without seeking help in learning to live with each other again, about positive communicating and regaining trust, you may have set yourself up for a big let down.
I think that, when people have huge issues such as you and your husband, they really NEED professional help to figure out what direction is best for each of them, individually and, if it's going to work, as a couple.
From where i sit, if you are wanting to speak with another man, you're not happy in your marriage, and probably won't be ever.
Just because we love someone doesn't mean it's meant to be, either.
I hope your life works out in a way which is best for you. take care.
2007-12-20 04:26:21 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your marriage is important to you and worth saving first be open and honest with each other and get some counseling. If that does not work or you are not invested in saving the marriage wait until the divorce is final before you bring more people into your troubled situation, good luck!
2007-12-20 04:30:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is still doing the same stuff, then why are you with him? If he really wants to get back together with you, he will stop seeing this other woman and you need to stop talking to this other man. If he's going to keep stringing you along, you need to dump him and take some time for yourself before getting too involved with someone else.
2007-12-20 04:24:49 · answer #5 · answered by Mary C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT wrong to explore your options. I'm certain that your "husband" continued to explore his options....before, during, and after your marriage!
Your husband is obviously not interested in a monogamous relationship with you. If that is what you signed-on for and still want out of life, you need to cut ties with the one that does not want the same thing and find someone that does.
If your "husband" is still out cheating, you know he can (and probably will) bring home diseases...some of which are fatal. Please keep in mind that he is risking your life and disrespecting you and your body. What happens if he gets you or her pregnant?...What if he gets you BOTH pregnant? What if he brings home HIV?!?
Marriage is a commitment and BOTH parties need to be on-board with what that means for it to work.
If you have children, your boys will follow in his footsteps and cheat on and disrespect their wives, and your girls will follow in yours and stay with a man that cheats on them. Keep in mind how his behavior effects your children (or your future children).
If you still want to stay married to this man, then you either have to agree to an open marriage (and all the consequences that come with that) and continue contact with your "friend", or you will have to agree to be faithful (renew your vows?) to your "husband" and cut ties with your "friend". You'll need a lot of counseling for this option...and you'll still never trust him again.
You can't have both unless you and your husband agree to an open marriage for both of you...in which case, why bother being married?
Listen to "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor, and "Put Him Out" by Ms Dynamite for inspiration ;)
Try the books linked below!
2007-12-20 04:44:14 · answer #6 · answered by Angela H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything you wouldn't want done to you, period. Either focus on your marriage and it working, or part ways and then date/see whomever you want.
Does seem rather masochistic to be back with your husband and tolerating the same behaviors that separated you previously...to each, their own.
2007-12-20 04:26:26 · answer #7 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR HUSBAND... it's not like you forgave him and he quit... HE'S STILL DOING IT!!!
Second... yes it's wrong, if you've decided to commit to your husband commit to him or GET OUT!
Third... You need to read Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
Learn that you deserve real love, you need to heal, and you need to leave him.
2007-12-20 04:24:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG. Are you serious?
LEAVE your husband. That relationship is OVER. Leave. Move on.
Were you wrong? No, you were not. That is what seperation is all about.
2007-12-20 04:24:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you needed to find out things about your relationship.
2007-12-20 04:21:10 · answer #10 · answered by stephbrown2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋