My boyfriend tells me I am the best thing thats ever happened to him. Im not being cocky but I am. And he will never find another woman that will stand by his ungrateful as* the way I have and put up with what I have. He isnt on drugs, off at all hours of the night doing god knows what, he's getting his sh*t together basically. I didnt tell him he was the best and is perfect for me. He is perfect in some way but in a lot more ways he still gotta work on somethings like he's jealous and tries to control me. I know I can do better than him but I dont want them I want him and I told him. "I know I can do better than you but I dont want him I want you and I love you" All that being said should I have lied to him? I dont like making him feel bad or hurting him which is what I did when I told him that but isnt lying worse? What would you have done in the situation or what have you done when put in a position like that?
2007-12-20 03:53:23 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know he can do better than me just like you said there are 7 billion people everyone can do better. But when he says he will work on being jealous well he better because Im trying to help him because I love him and I want to be with him but Im too damn sick to be dealing with someone who's jealous and tries to be controling. He said he would change and I believe he wants to but if he doesnt its over and we both know it. That may be crappy but I am what I am.
2007-12-20 04:08:25 · update #1
Angela I didnt respond with that I just said Aww baby I love you. He asked and pushed me which is why I told him I wouldnt just say it to be mean. What I lack he makes up for and I love that about him. Yea, he has made his fair share of mistakes but he really is trying to get it back together and I respect the fact he can own up to it and admit he f*cked up. He's a caring person, shows his emotions, will do just about anything to make me happy, the sex is off the chain and thats important to both of us. He has plenty of good things about him but I dont remind him of those like I should and thats something he needs a lot unlike me and Im really trying to do it.
2007-12-20 04:34:11 · update #2
Lying to him wouldn't have been better but, honestly, if you don't feel that he's the best thing that's happened to you, you're settling.
It also sounds like you're waiting for him to develop into someone good enough for you. Quit being a mother figure and trying to fix him or get him to grow up into the person that you want him to be. The right relationship should not require that much work.
I don't mean to offend you, but if I may be blunt...
This relationship has "mismatched" written all over it, and it's bad on a variety of deep-seeded levels.
2007-12-20 03:58:47 · answer #1 · answered by DJ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are nearly 7 billion people on the planet so you could each do better and do worse in picking a partner...telling your mate "I could do better" is nothing short of arrogant and mean (and doesn't need to be said because it's true for everyone, whether they choose to think so or not).
He can do better than you if he wants, but apparently he's content with what he's got...why don't you each concentrate on appreciating each other instead of worrying about how much better or worse you could be doing with regard to a partner. Either you like each other and it's a non-issue, or you don't like each other so you should stop wasting each other's time and move on to someone you feel is a more suitable match.
2007-12-20 04:01:24 · answer #2 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's said is said...can't take it back now. For future comments like that, what I think he wants to hear is: "You're the only one for me. I love you just the way you are, but I want
to help you achieve success in life, just like I hope that you want to help me to always be my best self that I can be."
If you feel like you can do better now, you may want to consider ending it now before you get too wrapped into it. You may find yourself 5 years into a relationship wondering why you stayed with him if you could do better and resent him for it and take it out on him. You can NOT be with someone and NOT have respect for them...believe me, I know. You don't want to be mean and/or condescending, but you will be. You'll have to make a conscious effort to not say anything condescending.
The jealous and control thing...that doesn't get any better and usually gets worse, so keep that in mind!
No one can really tell you about your relationship except you because you are the one in it 24/7, but I'm just speaking from my own experience of being with a great guy that worships me, but he just didn't have his sh*t together and had a bunch of baggage that he came with....kids (+child support +ex-wife), REALLY bad credit, bad job history, jealousy, etc...
I used to think that honesty is the best policy. I realized I was wrong...he hates to know (even though he asks!) about ex-boyfriends and how I really feel about his baggage! And he sure doesn't want to hear about how much better I could do than him!
So, it also depends on just how much you're dealing with, how old you are now (no man can be expected to totally be all together in his twenties), and how much potential you think he has.
To answer your question...don't lie, but don't flat-out tell him that you could do better. Tell him the good things (there must be good things!), and if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. When he says, "baby, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." You can just respond with, "I love you too." or "I'm glad I met you."
He may be contributing to you and your relationship in ways that you are lacking...how do HIS qualities compliment YOU? There must be something he does that makes you love him...you could concentrate on that and say nice things about that.
2007-12-20 04:23:40 · answer #3 · answered by Angela H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women of the world why are you choosing these losers. You see all their problems if you date long enough. Is it the bad boy attitude/image woman fall for, you know there are decent and nice men out here. Seek professional counseling for yourself and then together.
2007-12-20 04:05:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A mans ego can get out of control if you fill his head with truth. Then they begin to treat you like shi*. Be careful and make your choice wisely. Jealousy does not go away. Or bad behavior.
2007-12-20 04:00:22 · answer #5 · answered by blueeyes_unever_4get 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why he is hurt, don't you think you would be too if he said the same thing to you ...
I think I would have lied. It may not be the most perfect thing to do but at least it would have made feel good about himself.
2007-12-20 03:59:55 · answer #6 · answered by morbidlybeautiful 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe you would actually come out and tell this man that you supposedly love that you can do better than him. Who wants t o hear that? Not exactly a ringing endorsement to your unconditional love for him is it? Sheesh!
2007-12-20 03:58:15 · answer #7 · answered by Marina 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some things are just better left unsaid. you said the right thing in this case, if it isn't true then don't say it is & maybe in time you will feel this way so that when you tell him he is the best you will mean it & he will know that you mean it.
2007-12-20 04:05:21 · answer #8 · answered by pennylane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look up the word "tact" in the dictionary. Good word to know when dealing with your partner in sensitive issues.
2007-12-20 04:19:43 · answer #9 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can you do better than the person you love? When you're with the person you love, that's as good as it gets.
2007-12-20 03:57:55 · answer #10 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋