Should I back out or slow down my relationship with my Fiance' based on these red flags?

Question

1. Past addiction to Cocaine (23 years ago) but still has an addictive personality.
2. Recently (within the past 9 mo) addicted to frequenting Karaoke Bars. He loves to sing & drink.
3.He is still communicating with a woman he did booty calls with even when I asked him to stop.She lives hundreds of miles away right now.
4. Previously addicted to pornography(within the last year)
5. I found an email where he had been pimping himself on Craig's List to have sex with stange women before we met (a married one) & he did not tell me about it once we started our relationship.
6. Does NOT want to attend church AT ALL. I am thinking when I have a child I would like to attend church for the child.
7. He can't have sex with me & get satisfied unless he has constant serious sexual visual stimulation (i.e all the lights on & mirrors). I am sure this has to do with his past porn addiction. He can't just feel it. He has to see EVERYTHING. Sometimes I feel like he wants the porn shot & not me. ?

Answer 1

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Really, you don't need a bunch of strangers to tell you what you already know. This guy is not committed to you now and never will be. He is committed to his anonymous sexual experiences and with his addictive personality, it will probably never end.

Any one of those things, all by itself (except maybe #6, as that is more of a personal choice) would be reason enough to get out of this relationship. Do you honestly see yourself settling down with this guy for the rest of your life?

It's hard. You love him. You hope he'll change for you. But you know the answer. He won't. He's not necessarily a bad guy, because he probably can't help himself, but he is a bad guy FOR YOU.

Sorry.

Answer 2

I think this is a decision you have to make for yourself. Strangers on the internet cannot tell you to back out of a relationship based on the person's past. None the less, I will address everything you are concerned about...
1. The past is the past. If you did not have a problem with the coke addiction from decades ago when you met, don't hang it over his head NOW.
2. I don't think wanting to go to Karaoke bars can be construde as an addiction. No matter how often he goes. He likes to have a good time, let it be.
3. Are you threatened by someone hundreds of miles away? They could just be friends. Let him have friends. I am sure you have friends who are male.
4. He is a guy. I am sure he likes porn. It doesn't mean he is a bad guy just because he likes porn.
5. He probably has a fetish where he is aroused by strangers or he was hard up for cash. I think he probably din't mention it due to shame. I doubt you told him every detail of your life.
6. Not everyone has to worship inside a church.
7. You should try to please him and not be upset by what he likes. If you love him then you would do what it takes to make sure he ispleased even if it requires mirrors and lights. Makes videos or take pictures. make him happy, that is what you are supposed to want to do. You can use that trait to your advantage.

Answer 3

You know I do understand why you came on Yahoo Answers to ask this question. I truly do. Sometimes we don't want to accept the inevitable, and we're hoping someone out there tells us that these red flags mean nothing. Well, let me tell you, don't listen to anyone who tells you that none of the 7 things you've listed are reason for you to get alarmed because that would be a lie. Being real with you, you know stepping into marriage with this person is a terrible terrible idea. This man has several addiction problems, and he needs help. If you marry this man, you are a brave woman with some serious tough skin because you're definitely going to need it. This man has issues, and his issues will become yours as soon as you say, 'I do.' Marriage vows are not to be taken lightly, and you will be vowing to love this man through good and bad. He had BADDDD written all over him. I know you love him, but love yourself, too, and stop the madness before it's too late.

Answer 4

I dont think this is what you want out of a marriage, or else you would not be posting this question or seeing these traits as "red flags." All I can say is that things that bug you a little bit in the infatuation stage of a relationship always, always turn out to be really big deals when you are married and trying to settle into a life together. If these things are a big deal now, you would be a fool to turn a blind eye to them. You could be honest and upfront about them, slow down and try to resolve them first, but never, never think things will get better on their own once you are married

Answer 5

You have got to be kidding, Toots.....don't back out.....don't slow down...get outta there as fast as your feet will take you.

You're not gonna change him, Hon. What you see is exactly what you're gonna get. Is this the kind of partnership you want?

He aint the only fish in the sea, Sweetie. Wise-up before you end up in a miserable marriage with a porn addicted alcoholic cheater.....you deserve so much better and he is out there, but he's never gonna find you while you're chained to this looser. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Your not going to listen to anyone on here but I'll tell you what I think you should do. One take it very, very, very slow. If you dont think he'll change and porn addiction isnt something you get over like that I would get out now. Dont be stupid, naive, and think from someone else's point of view. If this were me asking what would you tell me? To leave him, right? Well its different when you love him but I highly doubt he's going to change over night and unless you willing to accept that sh*t up there then leave now before it too late.

Answer 7

Everyone has a past and you cant judge a person on there past you have to look at how is right now. Is he what you are looking for? If you cant get over his past then you cant be with him and be truely happy. Now if this were me I would for sure slow things down I dont like any of those things about this man and I wouldnt be able to accept them. You need to listen to your heart.

Answer 8

This guy will cause you nothing but pain. He seems to have a very loose view of sexual relations and if you are having problems now, there will be more problems in the future. If you are not comfortable with the way your relationship is now, what make you think it will improve in the future?

Answer 9

Why are you still with this man?
Come one now.
Show a little respect for yourself and leave while you can.
If you stay with this man, he is only going to drag you down the same path and probably end up pimping you out.
Also go get tested.
God only knows what he may have given you.

Answer 10

Back out or slow down? No way! You should run away as fast as your legs will carry ya.....Your marriage is doomed before it is even official...One red flag should be enough...but 7? Come on now....you know the answer....