I love my husband alot. I tell him often. We have been together for 13 years and I know that he loves me but he has a hard time showing it. His parents were not the greatest of people to show him how to be part of a relationship. I don't fear he will cheat but I do want those small things now and again. He finds that hard to do. It's not "normal" for him, he didn't grow-up with that. Please help with any advice you can give. Thanks!
2007-12-20 03:40:04 · 11 answers · asked by queenbee 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did get him HDTV ...a 52" one. He also has steak whenever he wants it...lol
I have told him how I feel. I agree that I knew who he was when I married him I was hoping that time would have an effect of him. I don't want him crying at "chick flick" I am quite happy watching them alone. I don't care if "dates" me once a month. I would just like something that I haven't had to tell him to do. Instead of needing 100 hints, he gets it after 1.
2007-12-20 04:00:13 · update #1
There's a saying, "Find what you love, Love what you find." It might apply here. You've been married for 13 years and he hasn't changed. Chances are that he won't. It might help you to decide that the good attributes that have kept you with him for so long are the ones that are going to make you happy. If he's a good man, there are things he does that make you think he's good. Perhaps those things can be enough for you.
2007-12-20 03:46:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's a 95% chance he's not going to change, it's just not who he is. You should've known that when you married him and apparently accepted it...he's been that way 13 yrs so you've got to continue loving him for who he is, or decide if it's no longer enough and then consider ending things and seeking out someone who is a romantic.
Some people just don't have a romantic bone in their body. I was married to a man like that...no romance, no "I love you" (after we married), no making love (just having sex), etc. I felt like I was living in an emotional vacuum...so we parted ways. We weren't a good match, he wasn't going to change (and also had been raised in a household of non-emotional/non-expressive parents) and I had made an error marrying him and hoping things would improve.
Lesson learned (for me). Only you can determine if it's a dealbreaker for you or not.
2007-12-20 11:49:07 · answer #2 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I have the same exact problem - but in reverse. I am the colder one and feel sooo uncomfortable kissing or anything even as simple as holding hands. I also was raised without a lot of affection so it does feel wrong even though he is my husband and its expected. Just shower him with lots of love that he missed as a youth and hopefully a new level of comfort will develop for him and he will grow closer to you and feel more comfortable with making the moves on you. When you see him again - greet him with a hug and delicate kiss and tell him you want to get to know him all over again. Start over with the mind set you are in control of his heart and you can soften it.
2007-12-20 12:09:34 · answer #3 · answered by J & R Sequin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you can't change him into a romantic, sensitive guy. He is what he is.
You've been married for 13 years, you know he loves you and you know it's hard for him to do those types of things. Okay...my advice is, if you love him and he loves you..you have to accept that he's never going to write you a sonnet, or cry at chick flicks, or any of the rest. Appreciate him for who and what he is, and stop trying to turn him into something he's not.
2007-12-20 11:48:48 · answer #4 · answered by Kaia 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You could buy him a book on the subject of romantic ideas. It's likely not his nature to be thoughtful in this way and, clearly, it's important to you. The problem is that he's not speaking your love language. (Are you sure that you're speaking his?)
IF YOU WANT HELP THAT HAS BEEN PROVEN SUCCESSFUL, then I strongly urge you to check out this site:
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
The book is a quick and easy read, it's very inexpensive, and it could really help both of you! Good luck!
2007-12-20 11:47:53 · answer #5 · answered by DJ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. Don't expect him to change completely. Ask if you can go out on a date or do something once a month. Then after he does something for you like that, you need to do something that he absolutely LOVES (not just likes). He will begin to connect the two (Pavlov's dog, yes..men are that simple). Once he makes the connection to doing something nice that is not painful for him and you doing something that just rocks his world...you should not have to worry about him being asked to do something for you for much longer!
2007-12-20 11:45:43 · answer #6 · answered by yogurt777 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just be as romantic and sensitive as YOU can be and wish to be.. He will probably appreciate it.
Since he wasn't raised in an affectionate home, he probably doesn't "know how" to be affectionate hon...
But i'm sure he loves you and shows it in many other ways.
happy holidays!
2007-12-20 11:45:50 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
ACCEPT. That he loves you but just doesn't express it in the ways you want. Give without expectations and you will receive.
2007-12-20 11:45:00 · answer #8 · answered by Twiggy 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
does he know you feel this way? just tell him some easy little things he can do... even just waking up to a little note is always nice
2007-12-20 11:46:28 · answer #9 · answered by Holly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buy him HDTV and cook him a nice steak dinner.
2007-12-20 11:43:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋