They had problems. She was jealous. She was overweight and wanted him to accept her no matter what. He has a masters degree. He is very well educated but he worries me with his past. I have a hard time talking to him because he is a perfectionist. I feel the only way to see if he will cheat on me is to set up an fake email in the name of a woman and send it to him to see if he will reply to her. But part of me is scared to see the results and part of me feels as if I am setting my self up for heartache. So what should I do?
2007-12-20 03:29:41 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do not put him to the test. That is called entrapment. You are playing a seriously twisted game if you are willing to do something like this.
You should seek pre-marriage counseling together and strengthen your love and your trust in one another.
2007-12-20 03:41:33 · answer #1 · answered by Docmase 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess I'm wanting to know if this woman was overweight when he became involved with her? If she were, he should have had no problem with being with her. He chose her being big and all. So weight must wasn't the real issue here. He may be well educated, book smart, but he's definitely lacking in common sense. I'm telling you, friend, if you are having doubts about this man being faithful to you, you may need to take a step back and think hard about what you're getting into. Never walk into anything if you have doubts. Marriage is a big step, and you don't want to step into it with rose glasses on. When you are doubtful of someone or something, you will always have an ounce of distrust in them or it. Is it fair for you to walk into a marriage with distrust? I tell you once you get in that marriage, and you still feel this way, you will be doing way more than trying to set this man up with an email. You're going to drive yourself insane!!! I know from experience.
2007-12-20 12:17:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, if he cheated on her he can cheat on you! That just means he is not afraid to do it! Not necessarily that he will do it to you. And I don't think he cheated just cause she was fat. She was probably insecure for good reason, because he left her.
So if you want to go down this road they you have to be prepared that this can happen to you and can you handle it. Some people are so happy with some one while they are together that even after a bad break up they are happy that they were in the relationship!
So you say he is educated, which means he make OK money, but remember. His wife and kids get the first chunk of the money. SO be prepared for that.
Also, you will have the drama with the ex-wife (if you were the one he was cheating with while still married) so get ready!
I think if you want to do the fake e-mails. Have a friend do it! But don't be so obvious. I mean how would some girl who wants to sleep with him (who he does not know) get his e-mail????
Good Luck!
2007-12-20 11:51:39 · answer #3 · answered by Cali Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're having a hard time committing to him. The truth is that anyone (man or woman) is capable of cheating under the wrong circumstances. If you have this much angst before you're married, it might be that you're having second thoughts and are fixated on his past to justify breaking it off. Of course, I'm assuming that you knew about his marital infidelity before he proposed.
Personally, I wouldn't marry someone I couldn't talk to about things because she was a "perfectionist". Communication is an integral part of a healthy relationship.
2007-12-20 11:41:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a relationship once for 5 years, I was actually the other woman at first (not proud of it by any means). Anyway, our entire relationship I questioned his faithfulness to me. After five years he decided one day that he didn't want to be together anymore, come to find out he cheated. We split up and ended up getting back together, (I know why right?) Anyway, so again 4 years goes by and at first he was so dedictated to making it work and making it up to me and then back to the same old thing, I still always had the is he going to cheat, what makes me any different. Yup, sure enough he did it again, so personally I would say take a step back, try talking to him and finding out the real reason why he cheated. You will never be truly happy if you are always wondering if he's going to cheat on you.
Sorry to go on and on.
2007-12-20 11:54:18 · answer #5 · answered by ffwife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does a master's degree have to do with your situation? You only heard one side of the story, his side. If you really love someone being over weigh is a lousy excuse too cheat. Be scare you should be why can't you find someone decent. I feel for woman that constantly chose men with excessive baggage. Make it your worthwhile and be a little picky, the ball is in your court.
2007-12-20 11:46:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think setting him up as a test is very honest of you. Rather, go to him and talk about your concerns. Tell him you want to trust him but have some reservations. See how he reacts. What is this perfectionist issue and that you have a hard time talking to him. This is concerning for the future of the relationship in my opinion.
2007-12-20 11:36:50 · answer #7 · answered by Twiggy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When one truly loves the other you are in love with their internal makeup and not their outter appearance. The outter appearance may be what originally attracted you to that person. That was no reason for him to cheat on his wife. Men and women cheat for different reasons and I don't think that just because they cheat on one they will cheat on another. A good relationship is built on trust and it seems trust is lacking in yours. You will also break his trust in you if you were to do something as underhanded as setting up a fake email address.
2007-12-20 12:06:24 · answer #8 · answered by Christy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love doesn't take doing all of those things. Have you ever asked him why has he cheated on his ex- wife? What does he say? Have you ever had a reason to be suspicious is the question? If so, what did you find out? If you have no reason then don't worry. Just don't let your guard down because he did cheat on his ex, keep that as a thought but dont let it drown your life honey. My philosophy is 97% of men cheat. Just be aware of your surroundings, and his actions, but don't worry just talk to him.
2007-12-20 11:46:29 · answer #9 · answered by Red Apple Martini 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually if you go looking for trouble you are going to find it. Some people would say doing that would be wrong of you. The ex-wife was somewhat right.... he should have accepted her no matter what....because she was jealous and overweight is a "reason" to be able to cheat???
either you trust him or u do not
2007-12-20 11:39:21 · answer #10 · answered by Holly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't trust him, can't communicate with him, and he was a cheater in the past.. then don't marry him.
People who cheat continue to cheat.
If you are intimidated by him, and can't talk with him, then you won't have much of a "relationship" considering relationships need communication to survive.
Dont set up a fake email -- just break it off.. it does not sound like you are the least bit comfortable with this guy, or his past.
2007-12-20 11:52:34 · answer #11 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋