My husband doesn't get involved with any holiday activities, how can I change this?

Question

I'm feeling a bit sad about this. Holiday shopping, decorating, watching xmas movies, seeing displays, parades, etc. I've done it all without my hubby because he says he's got better things to do. It makes the holidays feel very lonely.

I always dreamed of having cozy, family holidays - with the fire, and hot chocolate, and xmas cookies, and all that good stuff. Instead it's me, alone, wrapping gifts and listening to xmas music.

I don't want the rest of my xmases to be this way. What can I do to change things around? I've told him that it would mean a lot to me if he did some of these things with me, but he says that he's "too busy" (too busy usually means there is a football game of some sort on tv).

Answer 1

Lots of people aren't into Christmas... make the holidays nice for YOU if that is what you want... we can't change others or expect them to like something they don't.

I was married twice, and neither husband could have cared less about christmas...

take care and make the holiday nice for YOU -- spend time with your friends and family when you can...

merry christmas

Answer 2

Oh my God I almost had to deal with the same thing.

My hubby and I got married in May, so this is our first xmas together living in the same house. While we were dating he was never really into the holidays. But I realized it had a lot to do with how his parents treated the holidays. When he was young they all decorated the tree, but his mother and sister would move all his ornaments from where he put them to the back of the tree. His family never made the holidays fun, whereas my parents always did.

When we first started buying stuff for the house for xmas, I could sense he was getting in the same bahumbug kind of mood this year too. But I wasn't having it. So here's what I did:

I remembered the things he always said he had wanted to happen on holidays. I wanted to make it more fun for him and more personal for both of us. We decorated the tree together, Christmas music and all, and made sure to laugh through it all. When his mother brought over his old ornaments (which I found so weird) I had him hang them up wherever he saw fit on the tree.
He loved Legos as a child and always wanted a train around the tree, so I immediately ordered a Lego train. When it came he was so excited! We put it together one night just the two of us and had so much fun. It made Christmas eventful and fun for him.
Then we planned a holiday party for just our friends (no family). We all drank, told stories, and had a lot of laughs together. He now wants it to be tradition every year.
And now, since both our sets of parents had nowhere particular to go for Christmas day dinner, I took control of it. And he loves that I want both sets of parents there.

These are things that I did just based on what I knew he felt about Christmas. I tried to make it fun and start new traditions that I knew he would love! Find out why your hubby is so against the holidays and find things to change his mind. Christmas should be about family, and unfortunately some people didn't have the experience they always wanted as children. Give him those experiences if you can and he'll start enjoying the holiday with you.

Good luck and happy holidays!

Answer 3

Pick a time when he is just doing nothing. No football game on or anything else he wants to watch. Ask for his help with something that you can't do. Like setting up the tree because it is too hard to look at it and set it up right at the same time. Start with little things. Honey can you hand me that? etc. I have been married for 37 years and have done it all myself every year, so heres hoping you have better luck. If not, it's just another day. Go to church and thank God for all of your blessing.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

i think the best thing you could do is respect his point of view, as long as he is respecting your point of view. invite some friends over to do the tree, have a christmas party with your friends, go out and sing christmas carols with a carolling group. donate your time to soup kitchens. what im saying here is that you deserve to celebrate christmas however you choose, unfortunately, you want to do it with others and your husband just isnt that sort of person, so do it with other people who love it too! btw, he might just see how much fun you are having and join you :)

Answer 6

so sorry to hear this...holiday is just as lonely as if you were as single as I am. I don't know how you would change him ...unless you just told him how very much it means to you, Then it should be automatically there from him , due to the love an respect he has for you. try talking things thru once again with him.

Answer 7

Marriage is all about compromise and communication and you need to state your case clearly so there is no room for doubt. He can watch his football but he must spend some quality holiday time with you...only fair.

Answer 8

Don't feel so alone....a lot of us women have men that aren't into all the Christmas-y type stuff...that is why we get our kids involved in all the fun, they appreciate that stuff more.....most men just do not get into it....do not let it bother you if your husband is an overall decent man and provider for his family.

Answer 9

Ask him if he would please pick one thing from your list of holiday activities that he would do with you. Or ask him to come up with one idea he would be willing to do. Let him feel like he is in control of his choice. Also, surprise him by participating/sitting by his side during one of his "busy" activities like watching TV!! But if he still says no then your only real option is to ACCEPT it.

Answer 10

Find a husband who will. Why do women marry men they want to change?