Am I justified in feeling offended?

Question

My in laws live on the West Coast, my husband and I live on
the East Coast. In our marriage of 3 years, I've always felt that my MIL does not really like me because of subtle things that she has said/done since I've known her, but I've always tried to be polite to her and do the right thing. 2 christmases ago she sent our (my husband, me and our one year old) our 'gifts' (of the six or so knick knacks, half were USED and one was a book on how to live on less money than you think - the actual title!) in a box, all UNWRAPPED that arrived at our house on Dec. 4th. Told my husband she was 'too busy' to wrap anything. Wrote a thank you note (not snide) despite this. Last year, the ONLY gift to my husband and me was a calendar that she received as one of the 'freebies' you get when you subscribe to a newsletter, and it was wrapped in the 'freebie' xmas paper they provided (had their logo on it), with no tag, just written on the paper 'For John and Elizabeth'. What gives?! How to handle?

Answer 1

Take it as a grain of salt don't let that bitter old woman get you down. Even though it does really hurt your feelings do not give her the satisfaction of letting her know. She knows that it is tacky to send those awful gifts so let her live with it not you.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year'!

Answer 2

pfft sounds like a jerk. He doesn't seem to have any faith in you or your relationship so he's protecting himself in advance. Considering he's out of work and living with mommy and daddy YOU should make him sign a pre-nup. You should look into the one you signed, if he was so worried about alimony then he could have gotten one that stipulated just that or he could have sneaked a few things in there. I enter my marriage with nothing, hubby had 2 cars, a house and a good job. Both of our parents are divorced so we know the reality of the situation but he'd never ask me for a pre-nup and if he did I wouldn't have signed it, at least not without making sure I got what I deserved, no more, no less. Having your own apt. or staying with family is spiteful and is no way to start a marriage. I suggest you take that money and open a savings account and look into a pre-nub so he can never touch it. I can imagine what your "marriage" will be. "hey hon I bought groceries, your half comes to 43.99. Oh and I bought rocky road ice cream with MY money so don't eat it."

Answer 3

Let it roll off your back. Maybe she isn't into the shopping scene and just makes no effort in shopping for gifts. Even if she has this "hidden" dislike for you, what is she going to do about it?? My mom hates, I mean hates my husband because of something he did yrs.ago. My husband and I have worked things out since then, but she holds grudges! She shows it by giving him just a bottle of wine for his B-day or Christmas and gives me gift cards like for $100. I have been married for over 20yrs and love my husband deeply and no matter how she treats him or shows little interest in him, I will not let this affect our marriage! Be strong, let it slide off your shoulders and don't dwell on it! Good Luck and Merry Christmas! P.S. when she phones and hubby picks up the phone and he says hello. she will always I mean ALWAYS say, Oh.....is caitlin there, she would never say hello to him and start small talk with him! So how do you think my husband feels after 20yrs of this? lol We make nothing of it any more, it's become routine if you know what I mean! lol

Answer 4

My grandma once gave me a half empty bottle of lotion for Christmas because I had mentioned that my skin was dry. Who knows what goes through people's minds sometimes. I think back to that Christmas when I opened the used lotion and it makes me laugh out loud.

I would just not worry about it. If this is the worst thing that your MIL does then you are pretty lucky. You will hear all sorts of horror stories about MIL's on Yahoo Answers. This doesn't really affect your life so just try to not worry about it -- I know easier said than done. Good luck!

Answer 5

# 1 Rule: Never confront your mother in law yourself.

Let you husband call her and find out what's going on. This is his mom, not yours and it's not your responsibility to confront her about this.

Is she on a tight budget or does she have money? This would make a difference in what she is buying for you guys. If she has money and is only sending gifts like this, unless your husband talks to his mother, you will just have to accept crappy gifts. Just don't go crazy with her gifts either. Keep them very simple.

Answer 6

She may feel slighted by the two of you. Do you often us the excuse that you were too busy to call? Or can't go visit because you are too busy to leave?
Or she is just cheap, and doesn't think it is worth her time or money to buy you guys gifts. I would just ignore it, tell her thank you for the ever useful calender, and leave it at that.

Answer 7

You can't make her buy you want you want. You may not like the gifts she gives, but you still should be thankful she bothered to send anything and still be nice about it.

You can be offended all day, but you are seriously wasting alot of time and energy you could be putting towards your family on all of this. You are making it out to be more of a deal than it is.

Just get over it! She is who she is and you aren't going to change her.

Answer 8

Does she do this with her other children? My parents have done some crazy things like send me Christmas presents in March. What does your husband think of this? Is it possible to enlist him to talk to your MIL about her behavior? Otherwise, just keep killing them with kindness and proper etiquette and don't worry about it.

Answer 9

your MIL may just be quirky--some people actually feel that their used crap has value to other people---believe it or not it probably has nothing to do with you---she's obviously not in tune with your family's life style--you live on opposite coasts--- I know how hard it is to know what is going on--when family lives far away----does she send decent presents to your child?----does she give "better" stuff to other family members--if in fact you're not her favorite person---at least she lives on the other side of the country--keep taking the high road--it won't hurt you in the long run, and it won't cause unnecessary tension with your husband.

Answer 10

okay to me she sounds like my deceased aunt . she would send christmas cookies in plastic butter dishes .You know the kind you buy the margarine in . and she was loaded with money . she had 4 husbands and they all passed and left her quite well off . she was horribly cheap and her sister who did not have that much money always purchased nice gifts and she told her sister "You throw your money away you will die penniless". this person in your family is just ridicously cheap . Just dont send her any nice gifts because she wont appreciate it . good luck and merry christmas.