was this guy being rude?or racist?

Question

i'm a conceirge and this iwhite older guy came to me and said::: you are beautiful what are you mixed with..i told him i was black...and he say no way you have white in you or something...he said trust me you are not just black..no way!..your features are not of those from africa..(his exact words..how would you have handled this?

Answer 1

It happens to me sometimes. People think i'm mixed with white. I don't even look like i'm mixed i'm just not the color of Wesley Snipes which is what some silly people correlate with being black.

I just laugh and say, Um..nope. I'm black. But if you want to go back to the 19th century, i've got some Indian and white. Do you count that?

Answer 2

he wasnt trying to offend you he was interested in you actually, just trying to talk with you, I am white but have had a live in gf that was a sista before so I understand more than most white guys, we say things not thinking it would be taken in a defensive way you understand? Like I use to joke with my x saying when we walked into the grocery oh my Daddy said all black people like watermelon and chicken want some water mellon? She knew me enough to know im just being silly, but maybe if you didnt know me that might be a racest remark, im not preguduce at all as a matter of fact my wife is asain, much better than the sister only cause in my experiance a sis has far to much drama going on lol, nothing personal ment there just white guys cant handle that much drama ,anyway thats my view on the subject, lol wanted to add a little I have been to africa and actually became good friends with our safari guide I told him problems I was haveing with my relationship back when I was with the sista, He was shocked saying there isn't any afican women like that anywhere, african women are submissive and actually do most all the work, while them men hunt and dring and get drunk at night, while the women are not allowed haha its true I swear. I am hard headed yes but the sister I was with was wose than me even, my best friend said one true thing to me he said you two are like 2 bulls in a pin haha that cant work out.But we all should know a sista has the butt department hands down no race can compete they even make an old white dude turn his head hehe.

Answer 3

He was being rude. Perhaps a bit biggoted (racism is bigotry plus power - he did not have power here, ergo by definition just bigotry and not racism), but I suspect he really was just curious. People sometimes ask you the most intrusive questions because they really are clueless that the question is personal and none of their business. I would have said, "I don't care to discuss it, thank you." (the "thank you" is to thank them for moving on to a different topic, not to thank them for asking - you are in a service industry where you need to be polite to people, even when they are rude to you, unfortunately). Now, if you were say on the street and not on your job as a conceirge, you could say the same thing, but then again, you'd be free to tell the guy to buzz off and leave you alone, etc.

Answer 4

Older people were in a different generation than us and some of the things they say aren't the way we would like to hear them...he did say you were beautiful so I wouldn't take that as being a racist remark but he should have thought before he spoke. I'm black and Mexican and when I tell people that I'm both races they tell me the same thing...you don't look like you have Mexican in you...you just look black to me....but they don't realize that Mexicans as well as blacks come in all shades. It's ignorance and I just school them and give them some cultural classes on the spot...LOL!

Answer 5

Depending on how "old" older is, as the older generations were raised in a different time and many still have their racial "norms" built in. My mom, even though she would be horrified to be called racist, still has a few racial attitudes, and the same goes for my grandparents-in-laws. This is not to say that they would act in a racial manner or discriminate, but they may not express what most of us would consider non-racial.

Answer 6

He was being intrusive but, unfortunately, when one works in a service industry, any type of comment comes up. As insulting as it was, it's one of those situations where a person has to look beyond it and keep focused on the professional aspect. Changing the subject, or saying that you hoped he found service to be satisfactory would help lessen any tension.

Answer 7

I think it was a compliment. Some older men just come out and say stuff a lot, I do not think he was being racist just maybe he could have said it in a round about way.

Answer 8

i have to be honest, some people just arent educated on stuff darling, dont take it offensive although I know it may be hard. I think he was trying to be complimentitive but it came out wrong. Just brush it off, its never okay to come out and be rude but he may not have thought what he was saying was bad. you need to keep an open kind heart for all of those who do not. I try to.

Answer 9

Just say, as far as I know, I have only black genes. You never know. There could have been a white person somewhere in your ancestry, especially if you have white features.

Answer 10

I agree with sugar. He wasn't being deliberately offensive although I can see why you thought he might have been. I think he was being curious but it came out as impolite. He told you that you are beautiful and if he was truly racist, believe me, he would not have said that.