their words lead to, in the listeer's mind & self-esteem? Or is this a habit they formed growing up, out of the need for self-defense? Depending on that answer....how do we deal with the people who don't accept this in themseleves and honestly seek help?
2007-12-20 00:47:17 · 10 answers · asked by lookin4ansrs 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The other side of that coin is important too. My ex verbally abused me for some 15+ years and I never realized it because it was so subtle and I wanted the marriage to work more than anything.
It took over a year and a half after our divorce for me to begin to realize all that had taken place. When I began putting 2 and 2 together it was obvious. She had planned this carefully for a long time and succored me into believing I was no good and useless.
Today I am much wiser and more in tune to what is going on around me.
2007-12-20 01:46:33 · answer #1 · answered by pinelake302 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husband is verbally abusive and when i point out what he does, he denies it. i dont think he understands when i set limits with him why i do it. partially, i think he is defending himself against something, but i think its something subconscious because i dont know what he could possibly think would happen if we just discussed something normally. the way ive been dealing with it, is to set limits, after 1 1/2 years of verbal abuse, i now know when its going to start, i can see it in his face, so i set limits by saying that if he cannot lower his voice, and not use curse words, or put downs, then the conversation is over until another time when he is more calm. now, this angers him to all hell, but, the conversation ends, and there is less verbal abuse than if i continued the conversation. then at a later time, when hes not so angry, we do eventually get to talk about whatever we were trying to talk about (usually its something that he fears we wont, or we actually dont agree on ). thanks for this question, its made me feel better. he will never go get help with me, we have had serious conversations about it.
2007-12-20 11:07:52 · answer #2 · answered by minerva 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I verbally abuse people I don't like. After a while it becomes a habit well at least with that one person and I'll end up saying something mean and not even realizing it.
So sometimes yes and sometimes no.
I do that in hopes that they'll leave me alone because I don't like them which works for the most part except for my step brother = |
I've been using that tactic for years and he still won't get away from me. I even tried being really nice but he took advantage of that so I'm back to being hateful =]
I'm not like that to most people though. I'm really a nice person.... I just have a.... mean streak I guess.
2007-12-20 08:54:07 · answer #3 · answered by Devan! 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is really hard to generalise on - I mean it comes down to mental state - upbringing - outside effects (alcohol and drugs etc) hormones etc etc
I can tell you my ex husband does it and I really think he believes that everyone else is wrong and he is right - he left me but he did me a favour - I wont be taking him back (although he did ask when the woman he left me for left him) - he is an alcoholic and when drunk he is alot more abusive than when not - Im not excusing him from his behaviour but I honestly think he doesnt believe he has said or done anything wrong
2007-12-20 08:54:53 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Kazz♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most and I do mean most abusive people are quite unaware that what they do is abusive; it is what they KNOW HOW to do. A lot simply feel that they are RIGHT and will go to any lengths to be in control. It's very sad... and it often takes professional counseling to turn it around. The best way to deal with it is to learn to not REACT to the abuse. Know your boundaries and stick to them without threatening them or rewarding the abusive messages with attention. Get help for yourself. REWARD positive behaviors only. Good luck to you.
2007-12-20 09:00:41 · answer #5 · answered by Gina C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think abuse is abuse. Mental abuse can really damage. The cause that creates an abuser could stem from many many things..to many to list.But I have learned, nobody does anything to me that I do not allow them to do...what it boils down to, it's about choices on both ends. I want to add... that I am speaking as an adult.Children are a whole different situation.
2007-12-20 08:54:53 · answer #6 · answered by Q-T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they blame people for their life and its their way of dealing with life i prefer to stay away from them they need help and their own way they can control people or put them down it makes them feel better they don't get help because they don't believe they have a problem
2007-12-20 08:52:15 · answer #7 · answered by dreamweaver 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think they use it as a defense. men are good at name calling. it for some reason makes their balls bigger. or so they think!
They don't realize what damage they are doing to the woman they are calling names, but then again I don't think they care.
their name calling some how makes them think their RIGHT about what ever issue!!
2007-12-20 08:54:14 · answer #8 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course they are: in fact I think they GET OFF on it- these are toxic people to be avoided if at all possible- not "understood", in my opinion...
For your own quality of life, get AWAY from them-
2007-12-20 09:01:19 · answer #9 · answered by morkmath 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are escapist by nature........ or, you can describe this kind as cowards.
2007-12-20 08:56:03 · answer #10 · answered by bikashroy9 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋