Do people who are verbally absuive REALIZE that they are? Are they consciously aware of what?

Question

their words lead to, in the listeer's mind & self-esteem? Or is this a habit they formed growing up, out of the need for self-defense? Depending on that answer....how do we deal with the people who don't accept this in themseleves and honestly seek help?

Answer 1

I think many of these people are so low on their own self esteem, they feel the need to tear someone else down to build themselves up. It doesn't work that way, but they don't understand that. I don't think they realize how cruel their words can be, nor do many of them care.
How to deal with it? Learn to "tune them out" and don't let their warped views dictate your own self worth. They make their own reputations for being rude, and others will take their words for what they are: pathetic attempts to make themselves look better by making you look bad.

Answer 2

Of course. Everyone says something hurtful, purposely or not, at some point in their lives. But to be considered verbally abusive it has to be consistent over a long period of time.

It usually indicates self-esteem and ego imbalances. By destroying another's self esteem, and making them believe they are worthless, they would be locked into the person, and not seek another.

Another possibilty is narcissism, also fueled by low self worth, where the abuser attempts to take critisism away from themselves by putting people on the defensive (hard to attack if you are defending).

If the person you talking about truly doesn't admit that their words are intentionally hurtful and believe their statements to be just and true, they may be narcissistic. This is a very difficult problem to deal with and usually is not 'cured'. The object of the narcissist must not give the person what they want-a defensive reaction. Nor should they go on the offensive and thereby give the narc more fuel, or an 'excuse' to continue. Anything said will be 'blown off', as they truly believe what they are doing is normal.

Their greatest fear is being rejected and ignored, and will go to great lengths to get their narc object's attention back when this occurs. Try saying, unemotionally, "your words are meaningless to me" and see the reaction. They require inordinate amounts of praise and admiration and when lacking that, will do most anything to get it. It's a temporary fix though, and they soon fall back into the cycle, or find another person to abuse.

Keep in mind that narcs lack normal empathy and though they understand their words hurt, cannot conceive of how the other person hurts. It is a means to an end: to receive food for their hungry ego.

Answer 3

Abusive comes from a need to control and demean someone else, so yes i believe such people know exactly what they are doing. What they are good at, is to lay blame on someone or something else for that. This makes it difficult to have them seek help because they dont believe that they are wrong and that they are justified in being abusive.. no matter how abnormal that is...
My experience is that they themselves were subject to verbal abusive and they learnt that the way to deal with stress is to let out tirades of hurtful words...
I almost sank to that level but by God's grace, i came out and accepted that it was wrong and im resolving issues and how to deal with anger constructively

Answer 4

What I think is this person is unhappy with their own life, and they have no outlet but to take it out on others. they need soemthing in their life, a friend, a pet, lover????
They may just be depressed, sometimes medication help. I know you have seen the commercials about serotonin in the brain. My husband and I split up, I took Celexa for a while and it made a big difference. When I stopped taking it I was b-----ing all the time, so I just take it everyday. And I am fine.

Answer 5

Often one has been either verbally or physically abused or both as a youth , or they have problems in their lives and they don't know how to cope with them and this outlet of violent verbal bashing is their escape but their problem's just build and so does their frustrations they just get more abusive and no often they don't realize that they are doing this, been there and done it . Get Help people!

Answer 6

In some cases I believe that people you do this are aware of their words. And in others, they are habit formed. Just keep your distance from the people that do this, you can't force anyone to get help for any problem.

Answer 7

Poeple who verbally abuse people either know what they are saying and dont care, or dont realize that its hurting people! Alot of people say they think you should tell t he person, that they are hurting your feelings, but honestly it think that just makes it worse, it gives them more of a reason to continue what they are doing, now they know how to get to you. I think the best way to deal with that person, is if at all possible stay away from them. you cant arrgue, that feeds it. you cant say anything, because again, that makes it worse. really staying away from that person is almost the best and only answer

Answer 8

Some people do, and don't care, while others have no social skills whatsoever. In both cases, it is the abusive one who is suffering from esteem issues and it is up to us, as the listener to decide how to react. If we consent on allowing the abuser to affect us, then the blame is on us and not the abuser.

Answer 9

People that verbally abuse other people more than likely have been verbally abused in a way that made them feel completely uncomfortable. I have had that done to me, and as a result, I have had to catch myself doing it to others. If they are smart enough, they will find themselves doing it and either stop, or for some sadistic reason, enjoy it.

Answer 10

Yes, they're aware, but abusive people tend to have great senses of entitlement, and so they rationalize their behavior, placing blame on the other person.