"How much I love thy
More then how much Guan loves to hi-five
I miss you day and night
When I don’t see you I cry all night
I use to wait in front of your locker
Even though I had to go to play soccer
You won’t find a guy
For you , who can die
I am yours forever
I will not leave you never whatsoever
It’s a true love
I swear , I don’t bluff
I shall buy thee a beautiful rose
only worth being smelt by your beautiful nose
At last I will say I love you and, I
I will be waiting for your reply
I you don’t reply I will die"
I am only in grade 9 and 14 year old
Please comment and be honest
Guan is a name of a girl in my class who always hi- five people on every sentence.
2007-12-19 23:45:31 · 8 answers · asked by Nik 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
its really not too bad, but maybe you should get to know her a little bit better and write a new poem cuz if might scare her away. i mean i dont know how much you know this girl.
2007-12-19 23:50:48 · answer #1 · answered by Marek 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is have been given an extremely large flow to it... sounds good. regardless of the reality that it is a poem and a portrayal of inner-exhaling - perhaps it would desire to help to have clearer sentences. it is a marginally linked concept; perhaps a quit here or there might do it good... comprise a splash bit sight-seeing on your poem, if it is clever. your poem has a sense for the buzz of a holiday, besides.
2016-11-23 17:07:04 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u can change will be waiting for your reply into il be waitin forever n remove im only in grade 9 and 14 years old other wise it s lovely oh n take out i you don’t reply I will die
its wrong grammar n its not so good
2007-12-19 23:57:27 · answer #3 · answered by Dark boy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's admirable that you're writing poetry at your age. Keep writing and don't let anyone discourage you. As for "thee" and "thy," the word "thy" is an adjective meaning "your" and "thee" means "you," so it's incorrect to say "thy" in the first verse. It would probably be better to use modern English in your next poem. Keep writing!
2007-12-19 23:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
to be honest....it's too corny! first of all the first line isn't right, it's supposed to be "how much i love Thee" not thy. thy means your.thee means you.
but any ways. i think your better off buying a ready made hallmark card and a single red rose. it will do you much more good.
2007-12-20 00:02:50 · answer #5 · answered by nuggeteli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its great for the age u are. Most boys I know wouldnt even think of writing poerty. KUDOS 2 U!
2007-12-20 05:13:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
cupid is here!!!!! romantic is all i can say...good choice for trying to tell her you have a crush on her or you like her..im am very surprised..usually boys are all clumsy and goofy(maybe rude) when they try to say "i like you and i think your pretty, funny, etc."
2007-12-20 03:48:57 · answer #7 · answered by waterstar_17 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well done! But the second verse needs changing because you use 'night' as the rhyme for both lines. Maybe "I miss you, dearest, day and night; no-one else can please my sight" instead?
2007-12-19 23:59:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋