my husband wants to avoid court should i get divorced this way?

Question

My husband wants to go to the court house together uncontested and just file the papers no judge courtdate ect. I think deep down he is really scared because i have so much on him he worked illegally ect. Plus he had bonus money from the military last week and withdrew the whole thing so i couldn't get any. I went to the court house and a legal advocate said i have a good chance of him having to pay me my share of the military bonus even if they have to garnish his pay i think i will get a higher child support too. Our court date will be about 3 months from dec 26 thats just dragging this on. I'm in diar straights rite now and need money because i'm on disability I'm thinking about what he is saying to do which is he will give me custody and sighn over a title to a truck i bought him and give me custody if i don't take him to court or go after part of the military bonus. My whole family is like take it if he is willing to give custody take it. But i will get the custody anyway

i think my family doesn't have much faith in me. I really could probably do better in court and he must know that after all why doesn't he want to go. The only reason i'm considering this is because he said he would give me the title back for a truck i bought him and because i'm on disability i could hustle and sell it. It's very sad i have to wheel and deal with him for to get something back that i bought to start with!!! This makes me mad but once again i need the money i think later if we go to court which will be early summer i will get the truck in court to but i can't wait that long should i go with him and sighn or struggle and wait for a courtdate. I had to turn my 150 dollar disability checks in to the judge just to ask to be excused from the filing fee and i wrote that he has 8,000 in the bank he won't share i don't think the jugde will side with him especially after that .

to joe s actually i supported him for a year and a half because he had no ss card because he was illegal. My disability is because of a recent surgery i had and i have only been out of work for a month and will go back in feb try not to judge people you may be way wrong! i always supported him whne he got a greencard he ran into the military with it and left me after all if i didn't support him how woul I BUY HIM A TRUCK as i said!

JOE S he didn't work during the marriage he had no cost for me!!!

Answer 1

u have alot to loose if u don't get an attorney, he can always take u back to court and seek custody later on. he just doesn't want u to get any of his military money, when people are divorcing who have nothing, no kids or monies, its fine to do it that way but when u have things to loose its never a good idea to agree to anything without first talking to an attorney. u have something to gain by seeking the advice of an attorney first, he has everything to gain by wanting to avoid the court system. he can take u back to court at any time and seek custody. u bought him the truck anyway, don't let him talk u into anything right now, and get all u can get from him, including part of his bonus, as u have children u will need to financially think about.

Answer 2

Well you have to have some sort of 'judgement' you can't avoid a court unless your not "officially" married and just want to divide the goods and take the kids.
Now my neighbor, who was living with this guy for 10years, he left her for another woman, she had to go to the district attorney and file there. Since they were not married it still took a court action because she needed to set up garnish wages paperwork and he kept the 2 kids on his insurance, plus child support.
I can understand the lawyer fees are expensive but if your husband doesn't have a real job and just gets money for occasional jobs (legal or illegal) they wont' be able to garnish his wages at all. If he is joining the military(I am assuming that is how he got the bonus money) you can get a paper from the district attorney and send it to the base commander. The military will garnish his wages while he is in the service and you will get checks regularly, plus the kids can be on his military insurance while he serves. You don't mention how old the kids are, nor how long you have been married, if its under 20 years I don't think the bonus is anything you can touch, especially if your all ready separated. (there is no such thing as alimony anymore so your not always 'entitled' to half of everything that was a 50s thing that no longer applies unless like I said before you 2 have been married for a very long time.)

Answer 3

You are right,hes avoiding court because hes about to get hit with some big monet issues which by allmeans is god for you. Yes, unless ruled unfit by child and/or drug/mental abuse charges, the kids will automatically be awarded to you along with child support which is no doubt to be huge,and possible spousal support. You will also get the house and one vehicle due to the kids. His bonus will be brought back into the picture for which you will get at least 1/2. The rest willbe icing on the cake. So sure its in his best interest aone to get you to settle outside of court but do whats best in yours and the kids; go to court. Do not agree nor sign anything sent by him or any possible attorney he may have as the courts cannot undo things that are agreed upon outside the courtroom and cannot enforce it either. It sounds like he is getting legal coaching from somewhere here but now you can tell him and anyone else you please so are you. My email address is [e-mail] and I will help answer any questions you have within legal limits. Calm down and enjoy the Holidays. Alsoyou may want to contact your locallegalaid association for free helpif you qualify,cant hurt. Just DO NOT agree nor sign anything until you check with me or somebody PLEASE

Answer 4

You wrote: "I really could probably do better in court and he must know that after all why doesn't he want to go."

You know the best thing for you is to go to court. So find a way to tough it out until court time, and take this man to court.

You know that is the best thing for you long-term. So do it!

Seek help from friends, family, or a local church. But consult an attorney, and take the man to court.

Answer 5

excuse me, but isn't that bonus his money? for work that he did? why on earth, ignoring the stupid divorce rules, would you be entitled to the money that somebody else has earned? It sounds as though he has been supporting you financially for years and now you want half of everything he works for? That is disgusting. You are an adult, do what everyone else has to do and work out a way to pay your own way, take some responsibility for yourself. I realise you are disabled, but evidently not enough to be unable to use a PC or visit a court, so definitely able to do at least some basic work.

In reference to the truck, you bought it for him...so it is his! Just because you broke up, does that mean he has to give everything back? Are you going to give back the cost of paying for you for the entire length of the marriage? I think not.

I have no idea why women get so greedy at divorces, I find it materialistic, revengful and disgusting. If women are equal to men, and you decide not to build a career, that is your decision and you have to live with the consequences.

As for custody, think about the children, this affects them 10 times more than it will ever affect you, you have a serious chance of screwing them up for life with your actions over the next few months.

Answer 6

You are very wrong to be doing this the way you are speaking of. You have many rights...especially if your disabled. Sorry...but you really really need to see a lawyer first before you enter into this kind of agreement. He has no right to hide money from you... you are entitled to half of everything and he should be paying support to you. If you don't stand up for your rights, then you will end up with nothing...

Answer 7

You might be asking the wrong questions. Look inside your heart and find the honest answer to "What is best for the children-long term, in total". Answer all remaining questions on how that goal is affected. You'll find a way to work out the rest. This is the only way for you to heal your heart and protect your soul. USE WHATEVER TOOLS, LEVERAGE, INFORMATION, YOU HAVE TO GET AS MUCH COURT ORDERED CHILD SUPPORT AS POSSIBLE!!!!!!!

Answer 8

sweetie you are entitled to more than just a one time payment of his bonus. sweetie you are entitled to his retirement for the rest of your life, child support, and maybe alimony. dont sell yourself short and you would probably get the truck or some type of transportation if there is more than one vehicle. you need to petition the court for a temporary order for at least child support and alimony til you go to court. this way you will have some income. dont sell yourself short or be pressure into giving up what you are legally entitled too. GodBless

Answer 9

There is no easy answer, tell him the financial position you are in, say you want to jointly see a solicitor and set out terms of a contract which would see him contributing to supporting your children, and their home. If he commits to doing this, then tell him you will agree to the uncontested separation. If he will not then go to court. Do not complete your end of the bargain until you have the contract completed.

Answer 10

talk to your lawyer. I think you can divorce him to get the money started and then take him back to court for an adjustment.

I could be wrong.