I was with my ex boyfriend for 41/2years and lived with him for 3. We broke up a year ago due to his abusive behaviour fueled by his weakness for alcohol. I do still talk to him from time to time as of course he was a big part of my life for a long time. Now he is with a new girl and she has discovered she is pregnant. Problem is he keeps asking to meet up says he wants me back etc etc and would quite happily cheat on her with me given the chance. I know he cheated on me many times in our relationship so it is nothing knew. I feel so sorry for the poor girl problem is i am the ex who she hates of course so she would just not believe me - trust me i did try and gently let her know but in her eyes i am a lying devil who wants him back ( so not true!) any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
2007-12-19 21:55:53 · 11 answers · asked by angeleyes 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just to let you know the other reason we keep in contact is due to the fact that my sister and his brother died in a car crash together earlier this year so our families still meet and of course i would want to talk to him about this whatever anyone says but i am worried for the safety of her child nothing else
2007-12-19 22:25:47 · update #1
can i just say to anyone who has said mind my own business etc? i agree that is the easy way out i wish i didn't care but there is a vunerable young pregnant girl involved and i am sorry but i actually have human compassion
2007-12-20 00:40:22 · update #2
this is so tough and can i just say well done for caring- the easy answer is always walk away but with a situation like this that is just not acceptable advice. I am very sorry for your loss and his and totally understand that you will need to keep up some kind of communication with each other and yes being together that long there must be still some kind of connection it just does not dissapear over night! You seem him as a danger to the mother and child and of course even with the best intentions she just will not listen i am afraid and that is the sad fact. Can yo get any mutual friends to talk to her or maybe even one of his friends that feels the same as you? His feelings are probably a bit up in the air at the moment as well from the sounds of it he didn't really want to break up so naturally you are probably his first choice for a partner which is not fair on either you or her. I am certain you are very sensible and caring as your concerns show- have you told him that talk of this kind in not acceptable? Try to only see him when other people are around as then he can not really corner you to taking him back and i hope that in time he seeks the help he so obviously needs to become a good father and partner
2007-12-19 22:40:54 · answer #1 · answered by Naomi W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run, don't walk, away. He sounds like a Bermuda Triangle of toxic drama. What on earth do you guys still have to talk about if he was such a shite, anyway?
And his girlfriend will find out one way or the other...she clearly doesn't need or want you to get involved. It's unfortunate that there will be yet another baby caught in the middle, but hopefully she'll have somewhere to go when she does find out.
2007-12-19 22:08:26 · answer #2 · answered by Bellavita 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you even care? Step away from it and let them look after their own life. You're not a counsellor, her friend or even a shoulder for her to cry on. Tell him where to get off and concentrate on doing things for yourself instead of trying to fix their problems.
2007-12-19 22:13:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've done what you can to warn her. There is nothing more to be done for her, she will find out for herself soon enough.
But to you. Now is the time to get this man completely out of your life. He has proven himself unworthy of your time and attention, by abusing you, by choosing alcohol over you, and by breaking up. He is unworthy of your sympathy by cheating on you, and now on her. Now is the time to cut him off, that means no occasional contact, no phone calls, no meetings. You owe it to yourself to move on.
2007-12-19 22:10:40 · answer #4 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of it. Tell him no and quit talking to him.I mean no contact or conversations.Of course she won't believe you.The first thing in her mind is you want him back.So let her figure out for her self and you go on with your life.
2007-12-19 22:06:53 · answer #5 · answered by lollypop 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's her problem now, and if she refuses to take your advice, there's nothing else for you to do. Some people can't see the forest for the trees.
2007-12-19 22:06:20 · answer #6 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You dumped him so you really need to mind your own business. You have already tried to hint, which didn't work. He just wants a booty call from you anyway.
2007-12-19 22:19:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, she is going to have to learn the hard way, just like you probably did. At least when she does find out how he is, you can say "I told you so".
2007-12-19 23:19:15 · answer #8 · answered by bostonchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can't change her, but just be grateful u know who he is, and that u got away from him. focus on your life and forget what is going on now. u are the enemy in her eyes, and u can't help the girl.
2007-12-19 22:05:33 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
walk away. you stay and you are part of the problem. sounds like you know better, act on that. walk away.
2007-12-19 22:01:03 · answer #10 · answered by long lashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋