The common mistakes female bosses make more than men?

Question

So I'm reading a book about the common mistakes women bosses make more than men. The most major one mentioned is "mismanagement of emotional distance." A lot of women fall into two categories:

1- The emotionally distant- Imitating the classic male boss; impersonal, tough and authoritative. As a result, pushing employees away, killing hopes, dreams & motivation.

2- The good mothers- Inviting too much emotionality into the relationships with employees, blurring the line between boss and friend. Wanting everyone to feel good, training employees to ask for more and more, and feel betrayed when for instance, a tough message regarding performance has to be delivered.

Thoughts? Experience? Cause? Anything you care to share.

The issue discussed is "mismanagement of emotional distance"...meaning, they fall into either one of the two extremes, not managing to keep an emotional balance.

Classic male boss: It doesn't say all male bosses fall under this in reality, but this is the stereotypical picture of a male boss that women try to follow.

Suhas: "you seem to have developed a stereotype?" I'm quoting a book and the studies from the book. We do know how to read questions before attacking, right? LOL

Answer 1

You summed it up well with the emotion factor. The best lesson I ever learned in the work environment is that you separate emotion from the job. I supervise 5 people, and at times I may seem cold, but I treat my employees with respect. They know what needs to be done to accomplish their tasks, and they know they can come to me if they are having difficulties accomplishing those tasks.

I am also very fair in the fact that I realize that people's personal lives come first. My employees realize they can take an afternoon off for personal reasons, and I don't get upset about it. As long as they are getting their work done in the time frame allowed, everyone is happy.

I am not a sounding board for my employees' personal issues, however. They know how to separate work life from personal life.

I think this is a good mix between authoritarian and realizing the need for personal issues.

Answer 2

I wish I could say I have experienced the second type described. I can honestly say I haven't ever. However the more experience I have working in various places the more I see of the first type. I don't know why this has to be.

The other thing I see more with female bosses is a lot more ego and sensitivity to being slighted. I find I have to tiptoe around female bosses in a way I don't have to with men. If I question a male boss (e.g. "I think we should do it this way instead') they don't seem to think you are questioning them because they are a man; they might think you are questioning them because you are an arrogant a**hole, but not because they are a man. With women I've found that if you inadvertently dent the ego for any reason you just don't get a second chance. This is a crazy deal really and detrimental to working effectively.

For the record the above observations are of course a generalisation, but one that holds true for most working situations I've been in. I've worked for some men who were difficult / overly sensitive too, but this really hasn't happened so often.

Answer 3

The classic male boss is not impersonal , tough and authoritative. You seem to have developed a stereotype that all male bosses are of this type. But women seemed hvave picked up the idea from god knows where that they have to be like the stereotypical bosses in order to succeed. Rarely have i seem bosses like in the 2 type. Many women bosses seem to go crazy when there is a crisis. They depend on the males who work under them in order to solve the problem. I have also noticed that female bosses tend to address more feminist issues in the workplace. They often leave work early stating that they have a family to take care of and dump all the work on the males. The fact is the women are meant to take care of the family and men are meant to earn. This is the reason why women are more patient than men and men are more physically stronger. Women need to realize that it is perfectly acceptable to be a hosuemaker and it is not degrading. Being a housemaker does not make a women any less than a man. Women just cant juggle both work and home together.

Answer 4

1. If it is a mistake to be a classic male bosses, then surely there are more actual males in that category than there are females. Therefore, this cannot be a mistake that females make more than males. There is a logical fallacy here.
2. I have a problem with this because there is an underlying assumption here that mothers cannot be the head of the family. That a mother is inherently incapable doing well because of her maternal instincts. Good mothers, as opposed to what? Good fathers? Are fathers better equipped at heading a household? I think not.

Answer 5

Both are true, but if we didn't have some of #2, in both male and female bosses, work would be even more awful. Yes, I've seen #1, and I have ambivelance towards it, in that I understand the difficulty, but hate the manifestation. I've found that kind people that end up having to commit to the Peter principle can be meaner than naturally cold leaders.

Answer 6

It's vocal tone, that's it.

Sometimes women-bosses feel they have to speak more AUTHORITIVELY in order to be listened to, feared, followed to the letter, etc... and that's not at all the case.

Much of what I've read, in getting down here to write my addition here... is generality and hasn't held through over the many workplaces I've been around.

Answer 7

Out of curiosity, what year was this book first published?

I have worked for numerous male and female managers and find for the most part that your books' stereotypes are true for the older generation of managers but as these people retire, we are seeing a new breed of managers (of both sexes) who are much more balanced, and the differences between female and male managerial styles are becoming more and more blurred.

Answer 8

I hate to say this, but without more specification of what constitutes an effective balance between the two extremes, doesn't this really just send women the message, "Damned if you do, damned if you don't?" In other words, without more detailed distinctions, can't anyone be faulted for one or the other?

I'm not faulting the question, just pointing out how such advice/criticism can become a trap.

Or does the book detail specific scenarios and how to draw boundaries appropriately under particular circumstances?

Answer 9

There are new books on the market teaching female bosses how to combine nurturing with business savvy. I would recommend that any woman intending to become a boss at any point in her career should pick one of those books up.

Answer 10

same thing they do in relationships - they tend to bottle up minor irritations until they, cummulatively, become major issues, instead making their feelings known as they go along.

But I only know this from talking to other men and from observing the women that have worked for me. Haven't worked for anyone besides myself for 30 years. And I hope to God I never will again.