Should I divorce?

Question

I dated my wife for about 10 years before we got married during that time we broke up numerous times for mostly stupid reasons nothing like cheating. I find my wife neurotic self conscious and depressed which I thought would change with marriage well it has not. Ive lost sexual interest and attraction and the passion to her I used to feel when dating I know your supposed to be there for your other but I dont want to anyomore I want to move on and change a few things about myself and then try and find someone who is happy and makes me happy someone that can be my best friend and not just my wife or girlfriend. I do not feel close anymore nor do i enjoy spending time with her we have only been married a year and a half and I think these feelings shouldnt be an issue this early in our marriage. Am I wrong to want a divorce? Will counseling last? or is it just a temporary fix? someone help confused and feeling guilty for feeling this way

Answer 1

Counseling might work IF both of you want your marriage to work.......since we do not know what makes your wife unhappy, it could be her or it could be you that makes her feel bad about herself.......instead of trying to find a happy person and only finding that, later, they are unhappy as well....I would work on what you have if you truly care. If not, I would still seek counseling b/c this is the woman you married and 10 years ago you found her worthy....if she is not so now, it is because of something within your marriage/lives. The only loving thing to do is to leave her at least as well as you found her...to try as hard as you can to leave her as a whole person instead of a depressed, lonely person. good luck!

Answer 2

Wow, how incredibly irresponsible on your part! You married a neurotic, self conscious, and depressed woman and HOPED that she would change? What was going to change her? The wedding ceremony?

Wake up and take some responsibility for the stupid decision you have made. This doesn't just impact you. You have dragged someone else into this mess (your wife). I am so amazed at the people who get married hoping to change someone. Why not just find the right person the first time around? Geez....

Furthermore, good luck finding a woman, or anyone, who will "make" you happy. Hopefully, someday you will find that happiness comes from within and only then can you attract and maintain healthy relationships with other people.

Answer 3

First of all, to my way of looking into it....i assume that after 10 years dating her, you should known her well enough by now.
And you have married her despite the numbers of time broke up. You must have love her so much or otherwise you never marry her at all.
And after more than a year of living together as a husband and wife....why you find it so difficult to stick with her now?
Try to find a way to talk to her.....refresh back the sweet memories once you both had before with her.

You see...during the time you dated with her, you both have go through many test and trials, and even broke up a few times....and still able to hold on to each other till to date.
Talk to her about how and what you feel....and try to understand her feeling toward you too.

Counselling is good...if she willing to go for it. But if you find things a not working out good for you and her after all the discussion and counselling, than what choice you have...maybe she also expecting the same thing.

Answer 4

You can try counseling and it may work... but it's not a definite fix. If it doesn't work then maybe your wife needs to spend time on her own soul-searching and finding herself and her confidence before being with anyone.
She never should have married you with all of the self-esteem issue's that she has.
I would suggest counseling before running to get a divorce because this problem can be worked out... however if your wife refuses to change her ways then the only thing you can do is divorce her and suggest she seek help on her own.

Answer 5

You mentioned you dated for 10 years, and then married...why? Did you love her when you married her.. or did you marry her for reasons other than love?

You mentioned things you dislike about her, does she know this? Do you even talk with eachother?

It sounds like alot of what you say is about you not liking basically anything about her...and this transpired in the year you were married? I think if you say she's neurotic, depressed, self concious, then I'm sure she was that way before you married her. So that goes back to my first question, why did you get married?

Now that you are and don't want to be...then I would say tell her this, tell her your reasons, and from what you say, it seems like divorce is in the picture because it seems like all you want is to make yourself happy and move on as you said.

Answer 6

I would vote for going to counseling. You've been together for so long, regardless of being married, and if I understand you correctly, you had passion for her until recently. I can personally attest to the good that counseling can do for a person. For myself, I've been able to clear up a lot of issues that I've had for as long as I can remember. If nothing else, going to counseling can help you more clearly figure out your feelings about divorce.
Lastly, I would recommend reading "Can This Marriage Be Saved?" It's a column that gets published online and it covers a wide range of couple's marital problems. It's a little odd to read sometimes, but it might help.

Answer 7

Do you have kids, yes or no? If you have a kid, you need to work on your marriage and work on it really hard. No kids? Well, frankly, your wife probably won't change. You can't marry someone expecting that they will. However, I would really suggest getting marital counseling, so you can really know what went wrong, otherwise you'll make the same mistake with someone else.

Answer 8

Having been married more times than Liz Talor, I would regrettably inform you that your situation is terribly common. The average marriage last 4 years these days!

Sometimes, separation makes the ticker grow fonder, but it could also be a recipe for permanent separation!
I hope the best for you, as I know what hell you are going through. Know that time heals and that you will look back in a few years, without experiencing anymore pain!

Answer 9

You both have to be willing to try every option for help, provided you both want to save your marriage. It can't be only you. Be honest with her maybe she doesn't realize how unhappy you are and how serious this is, sometimes just the talk of Divorce can make someone willing to change. If all else fails you only live one life and you owe it to yourself to be happy. Rather be alone then in bad company.
Good Luck

Answer 10

Why are you asking a question you already have an answer to. But if you really want our permission, then yes, go ahead and file for divorce.

The grass is not always greener on the other side though. You should exhaust every opportunity to reconcile this marriage before filing for divorce.