I'm ashamed of my horrible body (loose skin from big weight loss) and I can't enjoy sex. What can I do?

Question

I was a size 22 for a few years in my early 20's and am now a decent size 12 and have been for over 7 years. I am comfortable with my size, except when I am without clothing. While my fiancé and I have had sex and I thoroughly enjoy it, I am hesitant to try all the fun positions he wants because I am ridiculously self conscientious of myself. I have extremely bad cellulite, rolls of loose skin (my skin never got tight after weight loss - even though I exercise regularly), and a VERY nasty scar left over from a poorly done tummy tuck that extends to my rear giving me pointed cheeks!!! My bosom sags like an 80 year olds and even my back is embarrassing. My naked body is a humiliating example of the female form and I try my best not to let it bother me, but it does. I desperately want to please my fiancé once we are married and having sex regularly - but I hate having the lights on and allowing him to see me. How can I slowly get more comfortable? What can a person wear during sex

Oh wow, thank you very much for the answers. I think I maybe am over-reacting a bit. :) His body is not perfect either. I am happy to know, that even those with a perfect body don't necessarily do it with the lights on. I am sure lingerie will help too (I know it sounds dumb, but I hadn't thought about wearing lingerie - my sheltered upbringing lends me to not think creatively about sex) and I will try to use the lingerie as a cover up (which will make me more comfortable) and hopefully it'll keep him turned on. :) Thank you all again for taking the time to reply!

Answer 1

You can wear a nightie that covers up all the "trouble areas" that you don't want seen, however I suggest you get some therapy because you should not be that down on yourself! A low self image is worse than any stretched skin you might have and it will start to effect your marriage if you don't find a way to get past it. Remember that your fiance loves you just the way you are, and if you have done everything you can to try and firm up but physically cannot, then I would say you've done all you can shy of plastic surgery (which I DO NOT recommed)! Be kind to yourself and proud that you lost all that weight! It's not an easy thing to do.

Answer 2

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RE:
I'm ashamed of my horrible body (loose skin from big weight loss) and I can't enjoy sex. What can I do?
I was a size 22 for a few years in my early 20's and am now a decent size 12 and have been for over 7 years. I am comfortable with my size, except when I am without clothing. While my fiancé and I have had sex and I thoroughly enjoy it, I am hesitant to try all the fun positions he wants...

Answer 3

Let me tell you something - did you know that Marilyn Monroe was a very, very insecure person? She was gorgeous and felt inadequate all of the time. She'd get so nervous on set that she'd shake and vomit and would have to leave. She got fired from her last movie because of this. And this is Marilyn Monroe we're talking about here!

I think everyone has insecurities about one thing or another. No one is perfect and those that seem perfect, well they are insecure, too.

Funny story, but I used to be a model and was very insecure about myself. Thinking back I did the dumbest things due to my insecurities. At 24 I got really sick, I needed open heart surgery. I have this long, large scar down the middle of my chest, plus chest tube scars on my ribs and under my arm. Really ugly. For a while I was so self conscious about it. I wore turtlenecks all the time. When I first started dating my now husband I was so shy about my body, I didn't want him seeing all of my scars. I thought he'd see them and run off, disgusted. Turns out they don't bother him at all. At least that's what he tells me. I've gotten to the point where I'm quite comfy with my body now, scars and all much moreso than when I was younger, thinner and scarless. It's all about how you feel on the inside. It really has nothing to do with the exterior. You can find a way to be comfortable with your outer shell. Congrats on the weight loss! That's awesome!

Answer 4

Manual exfoliation / abrasion every other day and a strong body lotion with Copper Peptides by a brand such as Dr. Pickart's SkinBio (www.skinbiology.com) or Neova (www.procyte.com) will work wonders in slowly but surely minimizing or even removing excess skin! You will also help firm up those areas (which, quite honestly, is the only thing that can change how you feel) if you stay well hydrated, regularly consume avocados, go vegan, cease smoking & drinking and never take long/hot baths. The body has marvelous healing properties and skin does snap back... All the best :)

Answer 5

Been there and I understand how you feel, you accomplished a wonderful goal in losing weight and bettering your health but the cruel joke is that sometimes you feel worse about your body than you did before the weight loss because of the loose skin. It is possible to have a full body lift, but evidently you have already had a bad experience with surgery. I think you are lucky that you have a guy who loves you, and you should just try to accept the fact that he cares for you for more reasons than just your body. You might try some silky nighties, a bustier with a corset front, or a stretchy camisole that has a little control, or just french cut bras with tap pants. Light a few small candles and place them across the room, so they create shadows, or if you have blinds tilt them so that light from outside is filtered through. The low light and sexy lingerie may make you feel more confident. When things get going, blow out the candles.

Answer 6

ok so I was 98 pounds before I had kids with my first child on the nineth month I was 187 pouds I almost doubled my own weight do to a condition I had. I am not 98 pounds anymore but a decent size. I have stretch marks everywhere, I have hanging skin too. I have been married for 12 years and he married me after my first child ( this is my second marriage). He could care less about all the imperfections. Here is why, he thinks he has flaws, but I dont see them. I see the same guy I married 12 years ago. Nothing more. The important things are when you are in love, those things do not matter at all.

Answer 7

so you want to shock him one day after you are married. That would be smart don't you think you should let it all be seen and know and if he sticks around and still wants to marry you that maybe perhaps he actually loves you. The worse thing you can do is deny him fun and pleasure because of your hangup so get it exposed and if he doesn't run away then let him enjoy you and do all the sex position and other stuff you want other wise he will be gone and not to many other men probably want to look at your body so don't lose the one man you got.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

there is nothing wrong in having sex without lights and in some sexy night gown. i have perfect body but even i don't like to have sex with lights on - it doesn't let me to concentrate. also my husband likes me to wear all kind of stuff even thou i look very nice while naked. so the point is - u don't need to be all naked and with lights on for him to enjoy sex with u. candle lights and sexy outfits which cover your imperfections are very good for everyone. also i would like to cngratulate u about your weight loss and u should feel proud that u did it. there re not so many people who would lose weight and keep it lost. also i would want to tell u not to stop exercising. when i had my 3 children one after one i put on lots of weight and my stomach was enormously big especially after the 3 one but doing exercises every day regularly shrank my stomach and i got six pack which i never had even while i was a teenager. so just keep doing those exercises. never give up

Answer 10

This is a common reaction among women who do not have a perfect body figure. The only thing that would make you comfortable will be the thought that your fiance loves you- NO MATTER WHAT; meaning, he did not love you for your body alone but he loves you for the person that you are...for ALL that you are, not your physical looks. Think that the body is only a shell that "houses" the real person inside you. Have confidence too, that a man who loves you, will not notice the bulges in your body but instead will "see' how beautiful you are inside. Believe this and you will be doing fine. Good luck.