My husband to be keeps tell me that we are not money ready for a child. I keep telling him that I have a great job and I can take care of a child. I just a a big feeling that he really don't want to have kids at all. I just want one from him so bad that it hurts. I am 22 years old and I can't even go in a baby section without crying. How do i get my point across to him without making like i am pushing him just to make me happy.
2007-12-19 16:25:16 · 17 answers · asked by Lisa P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
ok first im not saying that you or all women are like this but.....
dont force him into haveing a child!!!i speak from experience.my ex wanted to have a baby and i didnt.she was on me about it everyday for 3 months.i kept saying "no cuz i know what you are gonna do.i know youre gonna throw me out and go for child support."well she promised me everyday that she wouldnt.even on the day she broke up with me she said she wouldnt ask for support if ill help her when she needs it.well here i sit 8 years later stuck paying 300 bux a week in child support for a child i never wanted.i have no problem helping when needed.but im not gonna be forced into it by a judge that never even had a kid.he may be thinking the same thing.dont pressure him into it.let him tell you when he is ready.i know ill never be ready for a child and will not do it again.
2007-12-19 21:40:18 · answer #1 · answered by dont want to be found 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't change his mind. Instead you'd better determine whether or not he really wants a family. I know it sounds harsh, but if he really doesn't every want children you'd both be better off finding other partners.
I don't think his wanting to wait is strange. Marriage is a big enough adjustment without rushing to add a baby to the mix. Besides, how are you going to go through a pregnancy, deliver and raise a child while keeping your "great job"? It sounds like you're being a little unrealistic about what it will be like to have a child.
2007-12-19 16:32:46 · answer #2 · answered by fdm215 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have so much time, if you push him into having a child when he is not ready you might be breaking up your relationship. Having a baby should be a joint decision and you need to take both opinions into account before making that decision. When you have kids your life slowly stops. You can't do the things you can do now and I strongly suggest you give yourself some time to be young. I had my first at 21 now I want to go to the shop without a screeming child having a tantrum at my feet, I didn't think of that when I fell pregnant!
2007-12-19 16:30:43 · answer #3 · answered by Abs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
But you are pushing him to make you happy, think about it this way, you say you have a good job and all, but YOU are the one whos taking time off pregnant/1st year stuff, so therefore YOU won't have that income.
With 1999 figures it'd cost 250,000 within the first 16 years of a child's natural development, that was 1999, 2007/8 is going to be much much higher, probably around 500,000. So can you devote 31250 / year to a baby, while working, while raising the child and no this doesn't include daycare?
I don't think so.
2007-12-19 16:28:53 · answer #4 · answered by HL2k 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well first, if you think he does not want to have children and you do, then you need to sort that out BEFORE you get married, before you get pregnant, he feels trapped and ends up leaving you because he didn't want a child to start with. You can not force him to be a father. He sounds like a very responsible man, to know that you should be married, have savings and be all set for emergencies before conceiving a child, also he is right to make sure your marriage will last and be strong. There are too many broken families already, you are young, why not wait. It does not have to be right now. You really need to be logical about this.
2007-12-19 16:30:55 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you get married. Do you have any idea of how much it costs to have a baby? Do you even have maternity insurance? It costs $6000. the first year and that doesn't include medical expenses.
Grow up and act mature about this. Get a puppy or a kitten if you want to mother something. A baby is not a toy or a pet. It is hard work to take care of 24 hrs a day.
2007-12-19 16:30:01 · answer #6 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well first of all what you think and what he thinks are two different things. now first what you thinking is you have a good job. that you can take care of the child. now what about him dose he have a good job? and dose he have the time to take care of that child when you r at work is there money put a side? you should really think before that you may push him away. you need to communicate to him and tell him how you really feel. another thing is he religious and dose he want to wait tell marriage. you need to ask him these things too.. another thing i really don't think he should be mean about you going and looking at baby cloths i mean thats just looking for your future refrense i really think its a good idea i get good vibes when i look at baby cloths and it makes me feel i'm going to be a mom some day and i want to know what is out there for my new born in the future and i'm only 20 and married and he wants to have kids with me bad but i'm not ready yet and i want one to but i'm scaird too..
2007-12-19 16:33:34 · answer #7 · answered by daddyslittlegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you want a baby, ask yourself this question:
Why do I want a baby?
If it's because they're cute and you long for something to love and coddle and be with forever, and dream of buying baby clothes and carting him around and hugging and fun and love and toys and games and good things, then you live in a fantasy world and will be severely disappointed with the fantasy the baby affords you versus the cost.
If it's because you are ready to dedicate your life to being wholly responsible for the life, learning, and development of another human being, if you feel you have something to contribute and get excited by the prospect of passing on something about you to another generation, if you are in love with raising a child more than having one, then you may be ready.
Either way, convincing your boyfriend to have a baby before marriage is a bad way to get him to marry you. I think you have some living to do, yet. Be happy with you, first. Then find a man who has the same life goals as you. Whether you and he are the best people or not in the world, that this means so much to you and he isn't ready, isn't your process to change.
2007-12-19 16:32:01 · answer #8 · answered by GSConsulting 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Think about your argument and make it as best you can. After that, if he still doesn't agree, there's nothing you can really do. If you really want him to have one he may be overly defensive so that it seems like he doesn't want to have kids. From my perspective though, at 22, you have PLENTY of time to have a kid...if your husband is young like you, maybe he doesn't feel settled yet with his life. If you wait until you're 25 or so (and I'm sure others can vouch for this) - you'll probably be better prepared and better off in the end. Good luck!
2007-12-19 16:30:49 · answer #9 · answered by mNY12 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
potential he's immature and seeing issues for the time of the ego fable international additionally prevalent as "LaLa Land". Why, do you like a toddler B4 marriage too? dropping some time - how? what's it which you particularly want here? stick to what - making babies out of wedlock? in case you're thinking the two of you is in any way waiting for marriage OR teenagers, i might completely disagree. there's a intense loss of communication going at here - artwork on recovering listening and understanding and ignore the heavy existence commitments for awhile...
2016-11-23 16:42:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋