Hi. One of my group's longtime friends got married last month. His new wife was someone from outside our group. They were together for about 1 year before marriage and she never hung out with us, nor wanted him too. We have invited her to join our gatherings, but she generally keeps to herself and keeps him at home too. Is there any hope for the both of them coming around to his old buddies? We're not a raucus crowd, just a couple of adults who've known eachother for many years (mostly men, some women) through high school and college, etc. Is this just a part of growing up? Have we lost him for good? Any advice on getting them both to come out and see us again?
2007-12-19 15:04:13 · 10 answers · asked by GSConsulting 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When my husband and I got married he kinda drifted away from some friends and closer to others. It is hard for a new wife to be welcomed into a group of old friends, not that you intentionally do anything to make her feel not welcomed. I think they best thing you can do is try to do stuff to make her feel welcomed, maybe when she warms up to the old buddies she will come around more and maybe when they have been amrried a bit longer she will let him go without her.
It probably will never be the same,unfortunatly, but maybe the new relationship with his friend and his wife will be better.
2007-12-19 15:11:37 · answer #1 · answered by Nicole D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need counseling if you want this marriage to work. You have to get a 3rd party involved. She is way out of line, but it doesn't seem like she sees that. But also, I have to say the wife of your business partner is certainly not helping things and she needs to quit sending you stuff too. Be straightforward. You may have to even be separated for a while before she realizes how serious you are. It will hurt the kids, but if you don't take a serious step, you are living in denial and she will continue using you. Don't let her. Get your own place for a while, tell her it's so you can have space to figure things out, you're not filing for divorce but you have feelings that need to be sorted out too. And tell her she has to make a choice. She either cuts off ties with this man or your marriage is over. Period.
2016-05-25 03:07:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep trying. There are reasons people choose not to hang out with their significant others' friends. Some of them are differences in interests. And at other times, honestly it is just plain jealousy.
I know that with my boyfriend, he gets all touchy-feely if I am out with my girlfriends and makes it a point to call me throughout the evening with lame excuses. I think part of it is because he knows that I feel that a relationship while great, may not last all that long. But the friends that you have had forever will always be there for you, and share in your joys and in your sorrows. I know I personally getting mildly annoyed when he goes on road trips "with the boys" because I feel that I should be part of that since we are together. And the same time, I really don't want to be part of it because it is not my kind of activity.
Give her sometime. If any of you guys have significant others, organize a get-together where everybody brings a partner.
Happy holidays!
2007-12-19 15:15:45 · answer #3 · answered by baltimorestar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a part of growing up but if you want to hang out with him then you should invite him and his wife out with you guys. The chances are she's probably not very social and probably doesn't want her husband neglecting her for you all. But, in life even when you're married you need friends. Take the steps to hanging out with them and be persistent so eventually they take you on the offer.
Even if it's not an all the time thing, you all can get to know the wife better and also spend sometime with your good friend.
2007-12-19 15:08:16 · answer #4 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's sort of rude of her not to allow him to hang out with his friends. It's understandable if she's not the social type and doesn't want to be friends with you guys, but him not hanging out? Then again, it could be the 'newness' of his relationship that drags him away or some sort of guilt factor. He may come around again, but when he has children watch out. I know that when women have children is like the child sucks out her personality and she becomes an empty shell of who she once was and all she can possibly talk about is her child this and her child that. Usually around pregnancy is when you have to give up friendships with women. I think pregnancy causes brain damage to women. It might work in a similar way for new fathers.
2007-12-19 15:11:39 · answer #5 · answered by some female 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently she does not like your group, or I like "clique" better. It's hard for a new person to fit in when a group of people have been together for such a long time. She must not feel comfortable around you, it happens. Cliques are weird like that, you may think you are being nice and inviting, but maybe you're actually not.
2007-12-19 15:50:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They're newlyweds, and you want to ruin their honeymoon? Selfish!!! Honeymoons don't last a week, it lasts a YEAR. They're SO enamoured with each other that they're all over each other and will probably remain that way for a few more months. And you think the wife is keeping him at home, too? Wow, you jump to conclusions. Did the wife tell you that? Did the husband tell you that? Did you even bother to visit them? My guess is that you're just a spinster.
2007-12-19 15:09:40 · answer #7 · answered by Katherine J 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was like that for a while, because of things that i found out about my bf a little over a year ago, it made me really insecure and i didn't want to be around his friends because everything somehow lead me to think about those things i found out... it was that he was still talking to his ex gf and he didn't think it was important for me to know that. when i think it is because they dated all through high school and he had learned a lot from their relationship.... if he had told me when we had first been dating that he was still in contact with his ex's then it wouldn't be a problem because it's good to know who your bf was with before you, but it was 3 years after we started dating, i was heart broken and his friends constantly talked about how much fun they had in high school and one of his friends is his ex's next door neighbor so sometimes when we went there i felt sick... now i'm over it, but it wouldn't have been a problem if i knew at the beginning.... some people may think i am exagerrating but i think it is reasonable. within the last few months, i've really been letting myself go and have fun with his friends because they always invite me to hang out and they've seen a change in me and i've been happier... wow i totally ranted there, sorry!!!! i think that she will eventually come around and if not he will get sick of it really fast, and realize that his friends will always be there and his gf's/wife can easily come and go...my friend brian is going through a divorce because his wife was so controlling they've been dating since 14 and on his 25th birthday he broke up with her... it took him 11 years to finally realize that his friends have always been there and his gf is just a jealous selfish b-itch
2007-12-19 15:18:02 · answer #8 · answered by Tano A 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too bad for the wife ya'll sound like a bunch of decent good folks. She is missing out!
2007-12-19 15:08:07 · answer #9 · answered by Tiger by the Tail 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep trying. Talk to your friend about this and your feelings about it.
2007-12-19 15:07:42 · answer #10 · answered by BeeBee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋