Today my friend w/benefits & I were talking & the subject of my ex husband came up. (he knew him years ago also) I divorced my ex husband b/c he was unfaithful & my fwb knows this. My ex & I were together almost 10 years...& were both each other's "first". Anyway, my fwb said that if you get something different & you like it it'll make you leave(talking about my ex)....& that he's sure if I had gotten a try at something different & liked it I would have done it, too. I said maybe he would but not me...& that you have to be that type of person anyway(a cheater) to do something like that in the first place. He said not necessarily b/c you could just be in a place where it just happens. Does anyone else think that was a little rude or is it just me?...lol. I think that shows me a little something about my fwb...that maybe he is like that...or could he have been testing me to see if am I like that? It makes me wonder if he would cheat if we were ever in a serious relationship.
2007-12-19 14:54:09 · 10 answers · asked by love my life 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Btw...I asked the part about if he could be just testing me b/c awhile back we were talking about marriage(he's never been married) & he said that he doesn't know if he ever will get married. He said he's scared b/c he is on the road so much w/his job that he wouldn't want his woman to cheat on him...but said that he can be committed.
2007-12-19 14:54:47 · update #1
Only a person that would cheat would think that it's okay if someone else did it. There is no such thing as the right time and place to cheat. If you are married then you have to stick to that commitment. There is nothing in the vows about staying with you "in sickness and in health, till death do us part unless something better comes along." People shouldn't be looking for something better after they're married. They already have the best right beside them.
2007-12-19 15:02:09 · answer #1 · answered by Tina T 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if your FWB was rude, but he was insensitive. It almost sounds as if he's blaming you for your ex's cheating. Cheating doesn't "just happen" if both partners in the marriage respect one another and are truly committed to one another. Some people are just incapable of being monogamous. I don't know why that is true, but it is. Committed, loving spouses don't "try something different", period.
Given the fact that your friend has never been married, I'd have to say that he probably didn't mean to be insensitive, he just has no experience with marriage and all that it entails. I doubt he was "testing" you. Rather, I think he might suffer from committment phobia or maybe is insecure about whether or not he could make a lifelong committment to one person. I don't suggest you dump your FWB but, if you're looking for a long term committment, I don't think he's the guy. His attitude about cheating is just too casual.
I'm no expert but, my husband and I did just celebrate our 33rd anniversary. As in any marriage, we've had ups and downs, rocky roads and smooth seas. The reason we are happily married after all these years is simple: No disrespect and no cheating. There is no excuse in the world for either.
2007-12-19 15:30:39 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you should consider the possibility that this is the whole problem of having a " friend with benefits" instead of a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
There is NO commitment in " fwb " if that's what you want to call it. Most of us just call it getting laid but it's hard to keep doing that without developing some emotional attachment and then we start having "expectations".
Remember, without rules we can wander as far as we want without a need to regret how far we have wandered.
You did ask.
2007-12-19 15:05:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
"Friends with benefits" is just another term for "I'm using you until somebody better comes along." I don't think you could ever expect to have a serious relationship with somebody like that. If you want marriage one day then you should probably be looking elsewhere to be honest, as this guy has absolutely no reason to be married when he gets it all for free without any strings attached. If you're happy to be living that way, then fine, just don't let yourself get too serious over him. :-)
2007-12-19 15:15:46 · answer #4 · answered by Butterscotch 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what he was implying was very rude - i would be very offended if someone thought i was capable of cheating on my partner because i am very very against cheating.
Its rubbish - i doesnt 'just happen' - you make a decision to do it.
I dont think i would be looking to start a serious relationship with this guy if thats his opinion on being unfaithful
2007-12-19 15:02:31 · answer #5 · answered by kjay 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was a little insensitive since your husband was unfaithful. It almost comes off as him making an excuse for your husband. I'm sure you don't want to hear that.
2007-12-19 14:59:21 · answer #6 · answered by _I_love_warm_bananas_ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's already getting what he wants from you....I don't see him ever wanting more. And it sounds like he is talking about himself...not being rude, just telling it like it is for him.
2007-12-19 14:58:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
He sounds insecure. I would say offensive and insensitive.
2007-12-19 15:04:16 · answer #8 · answered by Max 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol u sound like my friend Auraura friends w/ benefits lmao
2007-12-19 14:57:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
whateva innit!!xx
2007-12-19 15:00:42 · answer #10 · answered by SUZANNE R 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋