“The Beginning”
Losing you would mean taking that one chance
I went out on that one limb and went for the dance.
Thinking everything was perfect, nothing was wrong.
When I was with you, I never felt so strong.
Without you by my side, without you here
Not loving you anymore is my biggest fear.
Only wanting me when no one is around
When we are with a crowd, you don’t make a sound.
This may not mean a goodbye for now,
But as for the moment, I am down.
Everyone has bumps in their life.
That doesn’t mean it gets twisted like a knife.
And Then Things Changed…
Knowing better, I am going to open up this one last time.
Unlike before, I will not fall for you like a drop of a dime.
Being with you, it is like nothing before, I can’t forget.
Although you might hurt me, I will never regret.
The times we have spent together and the ones to come
I don’t know where my feelings for you came from.
Maybe nothing is really wrong and you do love me.
Only the future will tell
2007-12-19 14:38:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Good poem with great ideas and direction. To reliant though on rhyme and what works good with the last word from a previous sentence. Rhyming is great but never let it guide where you go with your idea. Let your feelings guide the poem first and foremost!@
2007-12-19 14:42:30 · answer #1 · answered by pieface 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
With all due criticism it's a bit literal.
Not to be rude but it seems like it was written by a teenager, (assuming you are), Since it's basically a story, no symbolism or thought required to it =P.
Hope I didn't come across too mean lol.
2007-12-19 22:42:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah its good!!
well i think you can still improve the last line!
"Maybe nothing is really wrong and you do love me.
Only the future will tell"
2007-12-19 22:45:03 · answer #3 · answered by ghelo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like your poem a lot really. i swear you should publish it on the Internet. why, because a lot of people search of poems like yours and its really good. i also think i seem a girl at the school i go to i believe you are her. i Brittney your name. don't get me wrong OK I'm' not trying to do nothing wrong. i know you don't believe because its on the web! one question do you know how to write sonnets? what made you write this poem?
2007-12-19 22:49:33 · answer #4 · answered by sonicarmy_310 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's too long, try to sum it up to keep people intrested.
Maybe add a picture of a wounded, and love-sick
butterfly. Remember, " less is more".
2007-12-19 22:51:17 · answer #5 · answered by aka. Bill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow!!! It's soooooooo great, I can't stop reading it. you're very
creative. I admire it. I think you must be a professional writer
2007-12-19 22:57:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
good. but maybe try a different style of poetry.
2007-12-19 22:43:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice. i thought it was great. keep writing and you may be a famous poet one day. thats how good you are.
2007-12-19 22:46:48 · answer #8 · answered by ryry2595 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I like it! do a Happy dance now!
2007-12-19 22:48:42 · answer #9 · answered by SoRealistic 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yu wrote this? wow it is so good
2007-12-19 22:42:56 · answer #10 · answered by nevershoutbritt 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋