he starts a new relationship? I'm divorced and single started seeing my best friend. He had been living apart from his wife for seven months because of their problems. He told me that they were getting divorced he has his own place and they took eachother off the joint bank account. I went into the relationship with the understanding they were done and he says he loves us both and doesn't know what to do. He lead me to believe that he already had the "Divorce Talk" now the people that know us and that we were a couple are calling me a homewrecker. They have no kids together and now I'm left hurt and confused. I do believe he loves us both. His wife is 15 yrs older than him, and his mother was murdered when he was 17. They do not have any kids or sexual relationship at all, but he recognizes the part that is hard to divorce is that it is like loosing a mom again. We are the same age and I have two sons that adore him and he wants a family of his own now. Something she does not want.
2007-12-19 14:12:37 · 23 answers · asked by Destiny 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
HAPPY HOLIDAYS...Lawrence, Kansas
2007-12-19 14:35:28 · update #1
I have a friend in this relationship. She started dating a married/separated man five years ago. He and his wife "started divorce proceedings" about 6 months after he started dating this other woman. It's been five years and he is still not divorced. All of us are part of a small, close-knit community theatre group and the word is that the husband is still occasionally calling his wife for booty calls. My friend hasn't left him out of fear that she will not find someone else, but if you can avoid it, do not stay with someone who has unfinished business. It's a nightmare because many men believe: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free... especially if you're getting milk from two cows for free.
2007-12-19 14:27:04 · answer #1 · answered by Amanda P 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is still adultry. If he still loves her then you need to step back & get out of the picture. He married her and that is supposed to be a life long committment & you are getting in the way of them having a chance to ever reconcile. If that was you and your husband would you want another woman getting in the way of you two? I'm not going to call you a homewrecker b/c I know life..and love is hard. I know this isn't easy for you to hear...but the bottom line is he still loves her. He said he "doesn't know what to do"...that would be enough of an answer for me. If he don't know then that means he's not sure he wants to divorce her and be with you. That right there would be enough to make me say....sorry but this can't continue...I don't want a man that isn't sure about me and that loves another woman also. Also...may I ask what state and/or city you live in? This sounds so much like a guy I know...seriously...I'm not kidding....right down to the part about his mom when he was 17 and the older wife part. Girl, you deserve a man that loves and adores only you....don't settle for anything less than that! Good luck!
2007-12-19 14:29:24 · answer #2 · answered by love my life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's not divorced, then he's married.
Right now, at this very second, he could go back to his wife, and they would be just as married as he ever was.
And if he is a married person ... well .. go figure, about the adultry.
When a person truly wants a divorce, they get one.
It does not matter if the couple lives apart, or even legally separated ... they are still married.
Also - many people say they are legally separated - when in all actuality, their State may not even have legal separation ... each State law is different with their laws of legality.
2007-12-19 14:21:45 · answer #3 · answered by Tara 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You never,ever ever, begin a relationship with unfinished business pending. First, chances are that a year from now, he still will not be divorced. Second, you had no right to bring this man around your children, because you don't know what the outcome of all this will be. Third,,HE is MARRIED. End of story. Wait until he shows you the divorce papers, and even then the chances of your success are slim to none. Why? Because maybe if you were not in the picture, that marriage could have had a chance.
2007-12-19 14:19:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every married/separated guy under the sun will tell you that the sexual relationship is over, and the truth is that is the last thing to go. Many people keep it up even after the divorce, in spite of what they tell their new involvements.
It's not over till it's over. Many times, men use a woman to get them out of a relationship, then go find another one once that's over with. I'm worried that you're in for a big let down.
2007-12-19 14:26:06 · answer #5 · answered by Sassie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Separated means away from each other not divorced.
If you want people to respect you then you will want to make a stand. Separate from the relationship yourself until the divorce is finished. Notice how separate in your situation does not mean that you are no longer interested? Hum, maybe his wife looks at their situation differently than he does?
If you truly love him, you will build a solid respectable relationship after waiting for him to do the respectable thing.
2007-12-19 14:58:11 · answer #6 · answered by noyoungun 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seperation and "getting divorced" Is NOT a final decree of divorce so they are STILL married. Why YOU should feel hurt and confused is beyond me...You're an adult and are responsible for the choices you make, you've chosen to become involved with a MARRIED man.
2007-12-19 14:27:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whether having a relationship with someone who's been separated for awhile is adultery or not is really a matter of opinion. (I guess technically it is, but this happens all the time without the condemnation of society). It sounds to me like this man married a much older woman in an attempt to substitute for his own mother who was suddenly taken from him at a relatively young age. You're in a tricky situation, but, to be blunt, eventually you have to tell him to sh** or get off the pot.
2007-12-19 14:21:39 · answer #8 · answered by Stephen L 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If he is not legally DIVORCED, then yes, it is adultery. A separation could be seen as a prelude to a divorce, but they are still legally married.
2007-12-19 14:17:13 · answer #9 · answered by N L 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
they are still legally married and then she can use adultery on the legal papers now. Even if they are separated. Not cool when looking at it in a legal matter.
2007-12-19 14:33:05 · answer #10 · answered by Bilinda G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋