I'm sure they can help for a while...but what good are they if they expire, if they are issued for only 6 months or a year, then the other person is given a chance to strike! I'm asking this because I fear my own husband, but if I do this, he would just come back when the order is done, I may need one for myself and my children! he's in the Millitary, threatens over the phone, and will be home soon!! I will also do divorce papers, my children would not be safe with him!!!
2007-12-19 14:04:42 · 5 answers · asked by l 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
It's a long story, so I didn't put many details! and NO I do not have a boy friend, I do love my children, there safety is very important! he is crazy, and it's getting only worse, threatens to forcibly rape me, and not care about any pain! this is not a safe person!!!!!!!!
2007-12-19 14:25:45 · update #1
You can go to court and get an adjudicated restraining order, which lasts until you request that it be cancelled. That will end his military career as well.
2007-12-19 17:01:45 · answer #1 · answered by Gray Wanderer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember that a restraining order is 'just' a piece of paper. It will not keep someone determined to do you harm away. If he is mad enough to harm you, the threat of being arrested won't stop him. Really, if he hurt you he would get arrested anyway, right?
Record phone conversations (if you can record a threat, the judge and police are much more likely to assist promptly). Also, with a recorded threat, you can demonstrate to any divorce or child custody court that you were in fear for their safety. Make arrangements NOW for somewhere to go -- either before or after he comes back. You can file for divorce while he is still deployed, but I don't know how those documents get served.
Let family and trusted friends know that you are worried, so that they might shelter you on short notice, and accompany you when you go to meet him.
His parents and family could go either way -- they might be worried about him, too (let them blame his aggression on the war), or they may blame you for not 'supporting him' while he serves. You need to decide if they can be assets -- having his parents there when you tell him that you think he needs to get counseling before you become a family again might help him see that you mean it.
As another option, you might contact the chaplain at the base where he is stationed. You could share your worries with him -- and the chaplain (or maybe he refers you to the staff psychologist) can intervene BEFORE the husband comes home. If he is this unbalanced, hopefully his current commander or squad leader is aware, and can direct him to counseling (maybe on a different base here in the states?) A dangerous man is no good for the unit, either.
Have the children stay at a relatives home when you greet him, and have another adult in the house when you tell him that you have filed for divorce.
If I were you, I would pack several days worth of clothing, etc. and put them in a storage unit. Put anything really special to you there (like photo albums, and copies of your birth certificates and ID's, too.) If you needed to leave with the children on short notice, you could spend the night in a hotel or at a friends, and then pick up your things the next day.
Get a credit card in your own name and keep it somewhere outside the home so that you have access to money. Opening a new bank account in your own name, and transferring some cash there is a good idea for ANY woman considering leaving an abusive husband.
2007-12-19 14:25:56 · answer #2 · answered by Sue 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
then what you need to do is before it runs out, start to have another restraining order issued. once your divorce is final, if he gets to see the kids you are pretty much stuck but if he doesn't, i would consider moving and ensure he doesn't know where i am going, start over, etc...but obviously, don't run away with the kids as this can cause you to lose them. think of all your actions before you actually 'take' action. there will be consequences. there are also centers you can go to if you are in fear for yourself and/or your children, that he 'should' not be able to find you at as their locations are kept confidential (women shelters) these are also good places, though living arrangements while there might not be the greatest, as you will be able to talk to others and have access to counselors who will be able to help you cope with your situation and answer such questions as the one you posed here. Honestly though, I would already have the papers for divorce filed, with them sitting on the kitchen table, and that would be all he comes home to...he can see you and the kids at the first divorce hearing when others, including yoru lawyer are present.
2007-12-19 14:10:37 · answer #3 · answered by Christine M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They have restraining orders that last for awhile, if not lifetime. I had a restraining order on a man at 16 and just now lifted it this year ( I'm 21 now ). You may want to call the police department or another form of authority and ask about them, tell them your situation so they can help you out.
2007-12-19 14:09:28 · answer #4 · answered by Megan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
~Not to worry. I haven't seen the Order of Protection yet that would stop a fist or a bullet. Hey, if he comes after you often enough, you can eventually have him locked up. Maybe he'd be a little less hostile if you'd stop using the kids as a weapon against him to get your pound of flesh. So, what does he threaten you about? Your boyfriend? Your lack of detail paints a pretty clear picture for me.
2007-12-19 14:13:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋