No one understands
That I just want to be alone sometimes
No one seems to get
That I just have to leave sometimes
I'm like a code
That everyone has just given up on figuring out
A story that
No one tries to listen to and no one wants to tell
The light is getting dimmer
Not a soul can see
Not even him
But who is he?
(YES I WROTE IT...)
2007-12-19 12:53:05 · 4 answers · asked by Sarah Isn't Saving The World 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I love it because you don't fall into the rhyming trap!
What if, in line 12, you use "he" instead of "him". It corrects the grammar, but more than that, it's now two uses of the same word, which introduces irony and gives the reader more to think about.
I recommend you read contemporary poetry. Find recent anthologies at the library. That's how we become good poets, by studying poetry as an art form and then moving it forward.
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2007-12-19 13:01:03 · answer #1 · answered by Kacky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poetry is not unlike the , now trite , phrase that beauty is in the eye of the beholder .
Yet your poem speaks to the heart and mine was moved to tears ; thankyou for sharing this for it was indeed beautiful and spoke to the heart - please continue to share these jewels with the community .
Again , thankyou . . .
Happy & safe holidays ! :0)
2007-12-19 13:06:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love this poem i love the way u got into the poit why doent anyone understand
2007-12-19 13:39:16 · answer #3 · answered by butterflysassy20 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Verrry beautiful. I can so relate. Great job!! :)
2007-12-19 13:45:24 · answer #4 · answered by Andigirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋