My husband and I have been married for nearly four years now... a few weeks back he admitted to me that he's attracted to a close friend of ours... but nothing has ever happened or will happen... but that admission broke my heart... I offered to bow out gracefully... but he begged me to stay with him... said that he loves me... and the attraction to the friend is mostly physical... he wants to be with me... I know he can't really help the physical attraction... but I'm still hurt and am still upset about it... and I don't know how to make myself feel better... I know that he's not cheating on me... I know the friend would never allow it... she has a rule about married people in general... so that's not a problem... but I keep finding myself sniping at him... because I'm still really hurt... how do I make this thing go away? He feels I'm pushing him away... and I don't want to do that... but I can't seem to help myself... What should I do?
2007-12-19 12:47:21 · 10 answers · asked by dj.hatchytt 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
seeing as how I was injured in a fire a year ago and nothing happened then... I'm not that worried about it.
2007-12-19 13:07:40 · update #1
A couple of things. It is natural for you to still feel hurt because what he told you was shocking and unexpected. In the other hand, I will have to salute the fact that your husband open up to you and told you about this. A lot can be said about that action. I do believe he is not cheating. He never would have told you. I think you need to try to remember that for 4 years your husband have been by your side. You have a history with him,,You know him. He chose you and have been, all this time, loyal. We (men) sometimes do things for reasons that are so bizarre that women don't grasp,,,You need to focus on the fact that you have a family and a man that loves you,,and also remember that nothing last for ever (talking about your current state of mind). Talk this out. Vent about it,,,but please, give your marriage a chance to heal,,you have nothing to loose and a world to look forward too. Good Luck,,**big hug.
2007-12-19 12:58:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you should do is learn the facts of life right now:
1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me if you want to
hear the truth. You can ask me anything. I don't lie unlike
the other answers you will get.
2007-12-19 22:12:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too can relate to the emotional aftermath after a husband's confession. I too was (and still is) emotionally damaged over it even though it was over two years ago!! DonJ was superb in his advice. I was reading it and amazed at his clarity. I can't improve on what he said. I can empathize with you and tell you that our distrust will be restored if our husbands stay and work to improve the relationship. Don't go numb like I have done, protecting your feelings from further damage. It's a normal reaction, but can leave negative consequences. I'm currently challenged with emotionless sex. So, stay open and communicate. I have faith that things will get better for both of us.
2007-12-19 21:32:04 · answer #3 · answered by Karis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I can relate in some ways. First explain to him how this has made you feel, then understand that he didn't have to tell you and how hard it must have been to come out with this. He clearly loves you if he wants you to stay and still know that he has a problem. if you honestly want things to be ok then I am proud of you for understanding how important it is that you guys work pass this. He can't help who he is attracted to but he came to you.
2007-12-19 20:55:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to be asked by a couples therapist why he felt the need to make this confession. At this point a third party is needed to repair the enormous damage he just did to the marriage. You're too upset to make the repairs that he seems to expect, and he can't make them because he's the one who did the damage. He needs to get straightened out by a knowledgeable therapist ASAP.
2007-12-19 20:56:07 · answer #5 · answered by Marina 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he has done, is hurt your self esteem and your values in a marriage. His attraction to this person, sounds more like an obsession. I would put myself in his place and maybe let him put hisself in your place. Tell him what he has told you, and appear to have an attraction to one of his friends, heck even relative.
Another thought, what if something happen to you, will he make his advances then? Get out now. Save yourself and not your marriage.
2007-12-19 21:02:42 · answer #6 · answered by springful 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You could try some marriage counseling or just regular therapy. Perhaps this would give you some insight.
take care
2007-12-19 20:53:52 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what the hell! why would he tell you that....now that it's out there. he needs to understand how hurt you are and it's going to take time for you to get over. he needs to be extra patient and loving!
2007-12-19 20:53:17 · answer #8 · answered by cat f 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my question to you is..why would he tell you in the first place??? just to see your reaction?? maybe he felt YOU were pulling away from the marriage and he wanted to say something to shake you up?????
2007-12-19 21:21:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce him.
2007-12-19 21:20:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋