I feel cheated out of Christmas?

Question

My Mom is making us go to Virginia (Williamsburg) on Christmas. I've never been anywhere else except for home on Christmas. I'm...accepting to the fact I'll spend Christmas in a hotel, but I just can't take this next part.
1) She refuses to buy a Christmas tree. What's Christmas without a tree??!!?!?!
2) She's not even wrapping my gifts. She's putting them on the Sofa, covering them in a blanket, then I get to take off the blanket to see my gifts!! woohoo!! (******* not)
3) I even told her "it doesn't feel like christmas" and she yelled at me.
I know she's really stressed out from dealing with my Dad (he has a brain tumor), but I'm going through the same general stuff she is, so is she honestly justified in taking Christmas away from me, almost? I'm not asking for a picture perfect christmas. I was going to help her with everything too. It just feels like she doesn't care at ALL anymore. And it's depressing, honestly. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

This is not the first Christmas my Dad has been sick. "She's trying her hardest"...to me, that's NOT an excuse for her to stop giving a **** about everything she used to care about. I really feel like this might be the last Christmas with my Dad, and she is honestly messing it up more then she is helping it. She doesn't care about anything anymore. I do more than she does, I sort the bills and pay them with my own money. I cook. I clean. I do a lot. She just watches TV, and now she's too lazy to spend 20 minutes wrapping gifts and she's too lazy to buy a tree, so we're spending MORE money (which we're short on) to go on a vacation nobody wants to go on (she picked the place, as a "surprise", didn't get input from anyone else). If I can pick myself up and make the best of things, I'm SURE she can do it too. just ugh she pisses me off

Answer 1

No, you have everyright to feel that way. Just remember your mom is going through alot right now. She feels as though she is being pulled between you and your dad. Just be thankful that she had time to buy you presents. If you want them wrapped then why don't you offer to help with you dad while she takes time to wrap them. Or offer to help with a few other things so she has time to do it. If you want a tree then why don't you buy a 2 or 3 foot tree and take it with you to put in the hotel. Grab a few other decorations and take them with you and decorate the room. Hope your dad feels better soon and you have a good Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Answer 2

Christmas in a hotel isn't so bad. My family (myself, husband and four children) spent a Christmas in a hotel and it was also because of a crisis. Our house burned just a few days before Christmas. All the shopping had been done and everything was ruined. No, not a Christmas tree fire. It was electrical and could have happened at any time. It was a stressful time but the important thing was that our family was together.

Your Mom has a lot on her plate right now. Only when you're grown and look back on this will you be able to fully appreciate her position. You can be a big help to her right now by not creating more problems. Some day you'll be very glad you did.

And besides, Williamsburg is special and very beautiful at Christmas. You'll enjoy it.

Answer 3

I can understand how you feel. When I was a teenager I had a similar experience.

If you have a littel moeny saved you may want to buy a small 2 ft tree and a few decorations. You should probably be able to find this for around $15. that way you can have you tree but your mom doesn't have to worry about it!

If that isn't an option, why not buy some art paper, you know the kind that comes in a big roll. Some markers and glitter glue and you can draw a beautiful tree to hang on the wall!

Your attitude will have a lot to do with how you feel about this Christmas, try to make the best of it with a positive attitude. You'll be surprized at how different you will make things for you and your mom. Remember the point of Christmas is to celebrate God's gift to us and to spend time with our loved ones!

Sorry to hear about your Dad, that has to be rough on everyone! I will pray for you and I wish you a Merry Christmas!

Answer 4

Well i can see this year not really stressing on christmas with whats going on with dad it is very hard somtimes i can understand it from her point of view matbe you can ask mom if you have siblings if you can wrap the presents for eachother and don't worry about a tree although it is nice next year may be better spirited Christmas I lost my sister this year in july and my dad 2 days ago i really don't feel like Christmas but i have 3 kids that are waitting for santa i forced my self to put up a tree this year for the sake of my kids but when these times come they are very hard I'am struggling to get though the holidays and i'am sure your parents are too, try to be understanding and go with what they want you will probally have many more Christmas's
good luck

Answer 5

It's not wrong at all for you to feel that way, but I'm sure it has something to do with your dad's tumor - something deeper than what's obvious. For example, maybe your mom felt like this Christmas could never be as good as Christmases have been in the past, so she wanted to give up on Christmas all together rather than try to enjoy it when she knows she won't. However, it affects you too, and that's not right. She probably doesn't even realize how much it's ruining Christmas for you. If I were you, I would try to have a talk with her rather than getting mad. Just ask her why she is doing Christmas so differently - it will help you understand her and probably help her to understand her own motives as well.

Answer 6

it isn't wrong for you to feel as you do. You may even feel a bit neglected. Your mother is stressed and heart broken over your father's situation, but that doesn't give her the excuse to act the way she is. Especially if she hasn't acted that way in the past and things are changing dramatically in your family. Instead of getting a large xmas tree, why not go to a local store (such as Hallmark or Michaels or an arts and crafts store) and purchase a mini tree? They're about 2 feet high..and it's perfect for hotels without the hassle of carrying a large tree. As for your gifts, you can wrap the gifts you bought for others, and maybe suggest to a sibling if they can wrap yours. Regardless of if your mother is stressed or not, the children come first and their happiness comes before anything...especially in a dire time such as this when things are critical. But I hope you have a merry christmas and all is well =)

Answer 7

Your Mom is probably really worn out emotionally and physically. I am sure you are also feeling worn out too.
Perhaps, she probably wants to take a "break" from stress and hassle as that is what planning for the holidays entails for most of us.
She probably feels like you are a big enough girl to understand that she may just not have it in her this year to pull out all the bells and whistles she usually does this time of year.
I am not sure if you are going to see family in Williamsburg but, if you are your Mom is probably banking on the fact that your relatives have decorated their house and therefore, feels you will still get the holiday "feeling".
I am sure that her intentions are not to take Christmas away from you. I know that with the stuff going on with your Dad, you probably just want things to be normal and the way they usually are. It's normal to feel that way.
Cut your Mom some slack. She loves you and she is not trying to hurt you on purpose. She probably just really needs to relax.
Your Mom also might not be feeling that festive because your Dad is ill and she is emotionally invested in your Dad.
You could help out your Mom and relieve some of the guilt she may feel, by letting her know that you understand how she may not feel up to participating in the holiday spirit.
Perhaps you can suggest doing a holiday activity with your Mom like baking cookies or even putting up some lights.
That might make her feel better.
Your Mom needs you. She needs your support just as you need hers.
Take it easy on her and enjoy the holidays.

Answer 8

basically simply by fact your dad is cheating does no longer mean he has an STD. This sounds like a very tousled subject and because your 12 i might say stay out of it and allow the adults handle it. there's no longer something i'm able to declare or every physique else here that is going to help you. You dad is a jerk for cheating on your mom yet what are you able to do... no longer lots. it is sucks particular yet like I reported they are adults and that they should handle their own business enterprise. i'm particular your mom will divorce your father and you will stay together with her and she or he would manage to locate the thank you to go on.

Answer 9

Try to stand by her side rather than blame her although I totally understand how you feel. For example, take the gifts she bought for everyone (other than yourslef) and wrap themm for her... get a small Christmas tree and decorate it... it's difficult for both of you, but try to think about making this a nice Christmas for her rather than yourself. If you can do that, then you yourself will feel that it's truly Christmas and you'll enjoy it... after all, Christmas is about giving... :)
Merry Christmas :)

Answer 10

At first when I read this I was going to chew you out for being selfish yourself but I'm not. Both you and your mom have been dealing with a LOT of stress, that you admit yourself, but look at it this way: your mom is losing the most important person in her life, your father. Your father more than likely did tell her to take a break from everything at home and get away for little while and go someplace that she has always wanted to go. This is like you said probably his last Christmas gift to your mother and she is getting to go with his blessing and more than likely had to promise him on what is his deathbed that she will take you and go enjoy herself.

Also the reason that she isn't helping as much is the pure and simple fact that she's burned out. That woman has been doing a lot of stuff and is keeping a lot of pain in. I don't know if she still shares a bed with your father but if she does, she goes to sleep each and every night if he will live through the night or if she will find that he's passed in the morning when she wakes up. I am also assuming that you have a job but that you live at home with your parents to help care for your father, which is wonderful of you, but when you are at work who do you think takes care of him, your mother. Your mother maybe doesn't feel like getting a tree especially if you are going to be in a hotel. She probably is just lashing out because she does know that this is going to be his last Christmas. She can't lash out at him because he can't help it and he dying, so she lashes out at the only other person she can: you. Right now Christmas is the last thing on her mind, she is just angry that no matter what she does or what you do nothing is going to keep that tumor from taking your father away from you both. It has nothing to do with you. You need to not complain about this and make the best of it. Just think that this may help her recoop a little bit and it is more than likely your father's final christmas gift to her. So she's spending more money that you think she needs to; you can't put a price on your mother getting a well earned break from the house and your father's failing health and rejuvinating her juices so that maybe when you do come back she will be able to help more again + your mother maybe happy for a short period of time.

I know what it's like to have a sick parent, I lost both of my parents to cancer. I helped my father care for my mother and a tumor broke off blocking her airway, she died of a fatal heart attack trying to breath. Before she passed my mother made me promise to go on a trip I had already make plans and paid for and I did.

My father had lung cancer and it wasn't detected until it was terminal, stage 4 cancer I took as good of care of him as i could but close to the end I had to go back to work and then when he died on my day off I felt so bad because I hadn't spent the last three days of his life with him only the evenings caring for him. I would get up every morning and check to make sure that I hadn't lost him at night. That is a very heavy burden to carry. The only thing that made it worse was a cousin of mine got to bawl like a baby and I had to be strong: to me that was outrageous, that was MY father that I had lost not hers! What right did she have to bawl and me be strong for her, it should've been the other way around.