Is withholding sex just asking for trouble?

Question

A spouse will go without for only so long before they feel estranged to start to live their life for themselves.

Doesn't this mean "sex withholders" are just idiots for not seeing the affair they are opening the door for?

Once I finish reading Steve D's answer I'll pick who is best.

Answer 1

yes

Answer 2

Unfortunately you both have points.Yes sex with holders are opening the door for an affair to happen if they are doing it for no good reason and yes men are going to eventually get tired of getting rejected and will look for someone who makes them feel wanted again.Sometimes woman aren't withholding sex for the wrong reasons.Sometimes they are just making sure you are in it for more than just sex.Sometimes they go through phases where they are having a hard time getting in the mood.The trick is you need to compromise and you need to make sure you love her for more than sex and lighten up the mood.She needs to remember that sometimes you don't start off "in the mood" but she needs to relax and go with the flow when you are initiating sex.The key is to TAKE OFF THE PRESSURE,don't take sex so seriously it's not a contest who can get laid the most per week it's about your love for each other and it is a very necessary element in a relationship.You both need a regular sex life to feel secure and wanted in the relationship.It can be once a day or once every 2 weeks but it should be done on a regular basis and should not be used as a weapon against each other.It's beautiful as God intended ,just remember what it actually is.

Answer 3

I'm going to read between the lines here and hopefully I'm wrong but it sounds like your significant other is holding out on you and you're looking to justify cheating or future cheating. I hope I'm completely off base on this one. In a more generic sense I can only say that there is no excuse for having an affair. Someone who has an affair is a coward. The person should have enough guts to break things off or find some solution within the relationship (couselling) for this witholding issue. As for being idiots, sex withholders as you've titled them probably have their reasons though not all of them as good as others.
Without knowing who you're referring to specifically here are a few reasons someone might hold out:
A) They are having an affair themselves and being with the relationship partner freaks them out now\
B) They are working too hard or sleeping too little or both. Also, just simple strress can wreck a sex drive.
C) They suffer from depression at which point nothing sounds like much fun to them especially something that should be fun in their minds. Nothing is a buzzkill half as bad as doing something that should be fun no matter who you are and instead it's a letdown.
D) This person may be ticked off at you and has decided that they don't want to be touched by someone they've decided is an insensitive creep. It doesn't matter how nice you think you are, if the other person is ticked at you then the nookie train has left the station. This is the most comon answer especiallly when dealing with women. They expect that you know that you've done something to anger them and you lose even more points if they have to explain to you why they think that you're a bonehead.

Look, I don't know why you would ask this question unless you're dealing with something like this or exactly like this. My best advice to you if that's the case is to simply ask what gives. Don't put it that way mind you. Be really compassionate or at least try to sound it. If you can fake sincerity you're in :) OK, I'm kidding there. Anyway, just tell the other person how frustrated you're becoming but don't make it a blame issue or a "you're mean for doing this to me" issue. SImply tell them how you feel and then ask them nicely if they can tell you what's bothering them. Chances are you'll get evasiveness at first. "Nothing's bothering me honey" or some hooey like that. Tell her that your BS-O-Meter is going off and you'd rather have the truth than have her try to save your feelings. If she gives a damn at all about you she'll level with you. If not, if she keeps saying things are fine but your needs are languishing then you have a decision to make. Do you stay despite the blue balls or do you leave? Like I said just don't be a coward and cheat.

Answer 4

While cheating is NEVER acceptable, I also think that a person who withholds sex is really nuts. My attitude in a relationship is always that what I won't do, someone else will. That's why I do everything I can to fulfill the other person's needs, at least whatever I can do without compromising my own needs. Sex is a huge part of relationships, and I don't even know how many men I've met who say their wives don't want to have sex with them anymore. I just don't understand exactly what's going on there - if you don't have sex with your husband, wouldn't you be worried that he'd eventually cave into temptation with someone else? It's not right, but I'd sure as hell be worried enough about it to make the effort to have sex with him. Either that or I'd tell him we need to separate.

Answer 5

In some states, withholding sex for an extended period of time can be grounds for an "at-fault" divorce based on desertion. Since sex is considered to be an integral part of the marriage, withholding it for an extended period (unless there are medical reasons) is considered abandoning your spousal responsibilities, even if you are still living together.

Answer 6

Withholding just because you don't get your way is stupid.If a girl is upset about something though, she may just not be in the mood for sex. Foreplay has a whole lot to do with things though.Just because you rub it a little bit doesn't make it foreplay either. Also, a marriage is a sacred thing. Nothing is an excuse to mess around.I don't care if you are a man or a woman!

Answer 7

No

Because the person who is having sex withold has caused a reason for it

or the spouse has a reason to withhold it

So that should not lead to an affair

Answer 8

Yes.
I think that sex, although NOT the most important thing in a marriage, is essential for a successful marriage in order to satisfy both parties. Unfortunately, if one or the other is not satisfied because one is withholding sex or barely taking part in it, that person may end up looking for sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

Answer 9

To withhold sex as a punishment is no different than cheating your partner like a kid. If someone did that to me I would not cheat. I would just leave them. There are betters ways to handle a relationship than trying to punish your partner, because all it does is build resentment. If you have issues that can't be worked out then maybe you are just better off apart.

Answer 10

If someone starts doing that something defiantly wrong. I'd say 90% of cases it will directly lead to a shity relationship. since normal people don't suddenly "Not feel like it" it's one of the most common lies. It requires a serious talk and if that doesn't bring out the truth then the decision is: Can you stand a lier who holds back? sassylassy2876 got the right idea.

Answer 11

Maybe they're hoping the other person will acknowledge there's a problem that is leading to the sex being withheld and figures if the person is stupid enough to actually cheat instead of working the problem out like an adult then they deserve to pay more in the divorce settlement.