He won't commit in any way but best thing since sliced bread?

Question

My other half is the lovliest person I know. We have been together just over a year and are very much in love. He says things that he wouldn't say unless he was serious about me and has told me he has met the right person. We are very well suited, have never had a falling out (we disagree like everyone but have never had a blow out argument). We are both grown adults.
Yet when I mention anything to do with marriage or living together (and I don't expect it now, I mean in future) he makes it obvious that we will never do either, because we're happy as we are. Hmmm. He may be, I'm not and I've said as much. I don't want to rush into it, but I do want to commit someday, whether it be marraige or just living together. I am grateful he is being honest about it, but I want more out of a lasting relationship than just seeing each other. I love him dearly and we both say this is the sort of love that only comes along once, and we never want to part. But don't want to be spinster.What do I do?

Answer 1

Your answer is in your heart. If marriage is important to you, you will eventually have to move on. If you are really important to him, he will move in that direction if he sees it is what you truly need. If he 'just can't' do that for you, then it's not really love on his part.

Answer 2

Good question. I suppose talking to him and finding out the reasons why he feels marriage or living together would change your relationship in a negative way would be a good start, but from personal experience I can tell you that you can't talk anyone into marriage if it's not something they want for themselves. Your relationship is still relatively new, so I would wait a while---if it's any constellation, I was in a relationship with my husband for three years before we lived together, and we lived together for a year before we were engaged, and then it was almost another year until we were married. We had both been run through the mill in other relationships (for him a marriage that went terribly wrong and was murder to get out of) so we wanted to take our time. So, you see, it may not be the end of the world to wait things out a little bit. I will tell you though that it was always my husband's intention to one day marry me---almost right from the beginning so we lived our lives with that level of commitment from each other throughout our relationship. If you've got that, you do have a lot. Don't lose heart.

Answer 3

When a man says he never wants to live together or be married, what he means is, he never wants to marry YOU or live with YOU. It's a hard reality to face, but it's the truth.

After more than a year, he would have proposed by now if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, especially knowing how you feel about him. As it stands, he is comfortable in your relationship but still wants to keep his options open.

Have a frank discussion with him. Let him know that you will not wait around for him, and if he isn't serious about marrying you, you need to move on so you can meet your match, get married and have the kind of life you want.

Answer 4

Obviously you are not incapable of having a wonderful loving relationship with a good man. However, you want to take it to the next level. As most people do, I'd imagine. Why waste all your wonderful qualities on someone who, while appreciates them, isn't on the same track as you are. You deserve to have the commitment you want on the level you want it. We all do. If you seek marriage or living together, you should have that. You may just have to find it with someone else.

Answer 5

I would ask him if this will lead to marriage down the road if the relationship continues to grows. If he is NEVER interested then it looks like what he wants does not match what you want. The dating phase can only last so long and eventually you have to move to next level. If he is not interested then he is in "permanent dating phase" and you have to move on and find someone who will move to next level and stop wasting your time.

ALso the "real" test of the relationship is when you are married and go through the ups and downs of life. Dating is always easier ( at least for me it was).

Answer 6

If you're not happy without a marriage commitment and he's made it clear he's not willing to give you this, you're wasting your time.
This sort of love DOESN'T just come around once in a lifetime. Perhaps the one who loves you enough to commit to you comes around once in a lifetime but no offense, guys like your boyfriend are a dime a dozen.
You'll never find your true love who shares your values as long as you're with him. You may even miss the best opportunity of your life while you're waiting for this guy to come around.

Answer 7

I can understand not wanting to move in, but not wanting to get married either, that is very strange. With a man like this you don't have a future. I would still be a friend to him but I would be also looking for someone else to marry.

Answer 8

He isn't the one for you. For whatever reason he isn't willing to give you the one thing that you need form him. If you hang around waiting on him, you will become a lonely, bitter person, and you will hate him for what he wouldn't do for you. Come on. It's been a over a year. That is hardly rushing.

Answer 9

DYou can either 1) Wait and see if he eventually decides to take it further; or 2) decide now to move on It may just come down to wanting different things. And you will have to accept that or move on.

Answer 10

It sounds like you have a good thing going, do you really want to push this person out of your life? If you do,,,then keep talking about marriage...Life is short,,enjoy evry minute with your love,,Forget about the rest! Emotionally you guys are married already!