Please put your ideas on this poem:
How can two things be so alike, but given by the same people?
that is like killing someone then praying in a steeple.
This is something I will never get,
No one will, I am willing to bet.
I don't think it will ever cease
Can't the world just pick between war and peace?
2007-12-19 09:09:58 · 16 answers · asked by Carmen the Poet 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I like it!
2007-12-19 09:13:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The rhyming put me off. It's a great concept though, it just seems too silly with the rhymes. Not a lot of people are willing to write about such political topics so this was very refreshing.
And I'm not really sure this is the place to post poems and get feedback. There are lots of other sites for that. The biggest one I can think of is called www.fictionpress.com.
Good luck with your writings!
2007-12-19 09:17:06 · answer #2 · answered by Niki 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the poem ,but you just have to fix the first line. It really doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem. You could instead say...........
How can two of the same people be so alike, but are so different?
P.S. I think the second line could use some work as well.
2007-12-19 09:24:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two things similair, and so far apart
The image is clear but lost in art
You shall never understand these simplicities
None will, while you fiddle with your keys
Start the car and drive away
War is here, throughout everyday
That flows better
2007-12-19 09:29:33 · answer #4 · answered by John G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alright, alright... At least this poem isn't oozing with spelling errors and ridiculous grammar. It's short and to-the-elusive-point. The analogy you give in the first two lines is very vague, and as a result, I do not know what you are talking about. Perhaps you could extend and elaborate this poem.
2007-12-19 09:35:18 · answer #5 · answered by Jackson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its got a good message and its a good idea. but it is kinda hard to get through, it doesn't flow at all. try writing to as rhythm.
hope that helps
2007-12-19 09:14:58 · answer #6 · answered by world class 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i found the first line hard to understand but the rest was very good.
2007-12-19 09:12:45 · answer #7 · answered by burmie48 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to my taste, but I've read worse from "professional poets."
Doc
2007-12-19 09:18:39 · answer #8 · answered by Doc Hudson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wery good, narrow your sillables, to abought ten every line, i dident cheak that but i just remenberd my ela teacker telling me that :P but i love it
2007-12-19 09:13:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like the concept but it dosnt really flux.
2007-12-19 09:21:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋