Will I ever get past the pain of a divorce?

Question

I have been married for three years and my husband and I are going through a divorce. I am going through so many emotions sadness, anger, and guilt. I did everything for my husband and had cheated on me more than once and never really helped me do anything. He had a drinking problem that he still thinks is not a problem. I understand that all these things are more than enough to get divorced on I guess I feel like there was a lot of good to but the bad out weighed the good. I feel so lost and although he begged me not to divorce him and he offered to go to counseling it felt like it was to little to late. I guess what I really want to know is am I making the right decision by not allowing him to work it out or was that his desperate attempt to hold on. I am so confused.

Answer 1

You need to follow your heart on this one, no one can make this choice for you. Why don't you stay separated and get involved in counseling without making any promises before you actually go through with the divorce and see what happens. Then you can always file for divorce at a later date after you know you have tried everything. God bless****

Answer 2

I was married for 12 years, with 3 children, my then husband cheated on me also, i think more than i knew about, and never helped me either, we did attend councilling but two people have to want to make it work, and i couldnt live under someone else's rules and conditions, i ended the marriage even though at the time i still loved him, i knew it was never going to be any different.....i knew i couldnt ever get past the cheating, the pain was incredible, my whole world was torn apart, the emotions you describe are normal, sadness, anger and guilt...... Noone can tell you if u are making the right decision or not, only you know if things are ever going to be different, and what broken promises have been made and broken.
Time is the best healer of them all, do things for your self, be around happy people who make u feel good, take the time out to clear your head and dont make any decisions until you have done so.
4 years later i met a wonderful man, unlike any man id ever met before, we married last month, i never dreamed that would happen, and i am the happiest i have ever been, its made me realize how unhappy i was in my previous marriage and how not normal things were.
Have a great christmas!

Answer 3

He probably finally realized that you were serious about leaving him and he sobered up long enough to think about you not being there and doing everything for him so he would have to take care of himself so as a last ditch effort he offered to change.
If there is still any love inside you for him. Tell him this: I an divorcing you, but will stay in contact. If in two years you can prove to me that you have changed and will remain that way then perhaps we can start dating again.
He will in all probability agree to this. But history speaks louder than future. The odds are he will straighten out for a short period the revert back to his old ways.
Yes divorce is painful regardless of the reasons we have for getting one. Yes we go through a miriad of emotions when faced with the future alone. But the old addage of "time heals all wounds" does apply here. For some people a little shorter time and others a little longer time. There is not a specific frame anyone can put on it. I can't tell you that in six months you'll feel a lot better.
From what you have said here, and I have the feeling that there is a lot more to the story than what you have said, you are making the right choice by divorcing him and moving on with your life.
Go out and find that nice guy who can and will make you truly happy. He is out there you only need to find him.

Answer 4

I went back and tried several times with my ex-wife and eventually reality always sets in. Once i decided to go ahead and do it, it was a little bit emotional, but I knew I didn't want to live my life in misery. We have been divorced 11 years now and I have been married to a great lady for 9 years and have no regrets. I guess what I'm saying is make sure you give it every chance you can within reason so you will know that you gave it all you could. It sounds like you guys are incompatible and sooner or later you will end up divorcing, but you have to be sure it's the right time.

Answer 5

I went through the exact same thing, and believe me, he would never change. He is an alcoholic and a cheater and the two often go hand in hand. He just doesn't want to let you go out of his own selfishness. He will never stop cheating and he will never stop drinking.
Your emotions and sense of loss are the feelings of loss of a very bad routine, but one you learned to live with...you are reluctant go let go because even though it was sheer misery, it was familiar and now you are entering uncharted territory. You will feel so much better and so much freer after the first shock wears off. In the meantime, get a personal journal and write down your feelings and thoughts and emotions...that is what saved my lilfe, and a book I read about abusive relationships. Although your husband does not physically abuse you, his cheating and drinking are emotional abuse...you will be so much happier and then you can live your own life instead of trying to help him live his.

Answer 6

Hi, a divorce is never easy no matter what the reasons are, having drinking problems and not admit it untill it is to late for the other partner is very common. Based on the past in your relation up untill now e often base our love and care on what we get in return, since do not know what you have been trough in your marrige it is hard to tell the main reasons. I have myself gone trough a divorce after a 22 year long marrige, that was 18 years ago and i am remarried. Hovever what i felt in my first marrige in the end was just emtyness, dispice living in a relation I felt alone becuase i never got anything in return, we give and give from ourselfs and get nothing in return, it finaly drains us out and the emotions and felings we once had just disapear slowly. I do not now how strong your love still is for your husband but if it was posible maybe you both could live separated untill he have solved his problems, but I know that aint easy to. Still I think you did the right desission based on what you have said, if you think you wont get your emotions back for him then you should just leave and let him solve his problems, you have to move on with your life and find happy ness within yourself untill you find a new partner.
Goran

Answer 7

I too spent 20 years in a marriage with 2 children and the last 10 years were pure H---. It was bad enough my children told me I should leave for I deserved to be happy. I was single for three years and then I met the most wonderful man who has been the love of my life for 22 years now. My children adore him also. None of this was easy. I went in every direction thinking I had done wrong, or I had not done enough, or I had failed my children. BUT with the help of others, mainly my husband of 22 years, I have found the true meaning of love and happiness. Don't settle for less in your life. So you may spend time alone, but make the most of it. Keep looking till you heart tells you that you have found someone who really really cares about you. It may sound like a dream....but some dreams do come true. Believe in yourself first.

Answer 8

There is no excuse for cheating. Drinking, well he needs help. Have you tried the counseling? Do you want a new life without him?

Maybe you need a couple of days away from everything to think about your situation. This would include not talking to family, friends, or husband. Clear your mind and give yourself some rest.......Then decide if you want to stay married and get family counseling.

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong with the different emotions that your going through. It seems like a common thing to feel this way I know I did when I went through my divorce. I went to therapy which helped alot and since i have moved on I feel that I am a stronger person. You were able to see that it wasn't right what he was doing and you were able to determine that things wouldn't change that was a great huddle that you overcame. Just be strong and comfortable with your decision

Answer 10

The emotions you are feeling are perfectly normal. You need to go through the grieving process and know that sometimes things in life don't always turn out the way we want or expect them to. You'll be alright, this too shall pass and one day you will look back on all of this and know that you made the right decisions and have total peace of mind.