This is a real situtation, and it's really bothering me. And effecting my relationship with them.
I have two friends (a married couple, with a young child) They got pregnant to give away their biological child to his cousin, who (him and his wife can't get pregnant).
This isn't a case of surrogate, since the baby is genetically theirs, and not his cousins.
Is this slightly a messy way of going about it. Purposely having a genetically yours child and purposely GIVING it away. Even if it's to family???
2007-12-19 08:44:15 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
And I know it has nothing to do with me......maybe those saying that should look in the mirror right away judging me.
I can't help that I do find it troubling...so shoot me.
2007-12-19 08:51:41 · update #1
And because I do care about them and their soon to be new child....it is scary to think how this child may feel later in life. Or how something like this can destroy the family, like what if they want their child back, or say no right after the baby is born?? Hard HARD feelings......minding ones own business isn't to mean you should bury your head in the sand, not when you really care about your friends
2007-12-19 08:54:16 · update #2
Its not they got pregnant and then thought they didn't want it. they got pregnant on purpose to give it away.
And my feelings on it, is it can only end in hurt.......hurt for the real parents (even if they choosed to do this, natural feelings for their child will still be there) the cousin and his wife, and the child.
Oh and then theirs the grandparents who's rights to their grandchild are being taken away.
The couple whos doing this other child, who is losing a sibling to grow up with, they don't live in the same town.
2007-12-19 08:57:49 · update #3
I know it's out of caring that you ask but to tell you the truth, it's quite normal, i get concerned and bent out of shape all the time about things for the people i care about. But the truth is that they're not only adults but have made this decision, i understand that you don't want to see any of them hurt but the truth of a matter is that people only learn by making mistakes in life they don't tend to advises as much as personal experience and the only thing you can do is be accepting of their decisions and be there for them when they get hurt it's the only thing you can do as a true friend. I hope they things from a different perspective as you do. Take care of yourself and your friends. God bless
2007-12-19 09:19:46 · answer #1 · answered by bEiNg DiScIpLiNeD 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that's odd. I understand that some people can't have kids. In some cases, adoptions and surrogates are the best answer. However, this is a little too close to home for comfort.
If you adopt from a stranger or use a surrogate, you don't have that same relationship as a family member. You have one common goal, which is the baby. After that, you pretty much walk away from each other and that's it.
In this case, the kid is going to find out (eventually) That could cause a confusing childhood. It can also cause family tension. What happens if you start fighting with these family members, are they going to throw the child in the middle.
You are definetely normal for questioning such an odd situation. There is not much you can do about it, but I will agree with you.
2007-12-19 16:49:50 · answer #2 · answered by J'adore 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Asker,
We all have friends who sometimes make weird and questionable decisions regarding family. In today's world it is extremely hard to find common sense and
logical good decisions that will effect others lives for a long, long time.
I can understand how you feel sitting on the sidelines and seeing this situation develop and having a sense of helplessness. Most families out there are dysfunctional and what these two are doing is very confusing to the child affected over the course of time.
All you can do at this time is offer your support and guidance
to have them re-think how ( by doing this ) this will affect the child. Try to reason with them to take the responsibility
of raising this child in a normal and healthy way.
Show them that you really care and love them as close friends. Help them make the right decisions without preying
into their marriage. That is what close friends do.
Best Wishes to you all,
The Woodster
2007-12-19 17:03:32 · answer #3 · answered by woodster 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't exactly say what your feelings are. If anyone has a child and dosen't want to raise it I think giving it to someone who really wants the child and will love it is in the best interest of the child.
I really don't see a moral issue here. Your married friends obviously did not want the child for themselves. Its a huge gift to carry a child for 9 months of pregnancy and go through the pain of child birth for a relaitve who really wants a baby.
People give away babies all the time. As long as the baby will be well loved and cared for I don't see any problem here.
The baby was given the gift of life which it otherwise would not have had! That's not such a bad deal.
It may be hard to imagine doing the same thing yourself and understanding it. I think its a very selfless and loving act.
2007-12-19 16:54:11 · answer #4 · answered by KathyL 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow...that is interesting. I can't imagine purposely getting pregnant and just giving away the child even if it was to family member. Now if it was a surrogate mother scenario with the cousins sperm and the wives egg then it would be entirely different since there is no biological connection there she would basically just be the incubator. That just seems really wrong and I cannot seem to find the words to articulate why I feel that way. I just simply doesn't sit well with me.
2007-12-19 16:50:44 · answer #5 · answered by Bears Mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, there is nothing wrong with having a child to be raised by the cousins. It is done all the time although not justified in this way. It would be probably best if no one ever tells the child the truth. Such in the case of most adoptions.
2007-12-19 16:49:26 · answer #6 · answered by Trevor L 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think when there is desperation combined with love, anything can happen. Yes, it's a different way of adopting or having a baby. I hope no one changes their mind later. This is their business so don't be the one to burst their bubble.
2007-12-19 16:53:06 · answer #7 · answered by curlies55 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your gonna give a child away it would be better to be given away to a stranger. I don't think i would be able to look at the child i gave away every time i go to see the family.
2007-12-19 16:51:12 · answer #8 · answered by Sazz 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I wouldn't be able to do something like that, but if everyone involved in that situation is okay with it, then live and let live. It's not really for us to judge because we're not in their situation.
2007-12-19 16:47:14 · answer #9 · answered by Ray 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seriously.
This has nothing to do with you. Mind your own business.
If you really need to get involved in people's lives and the crazy things they do, pursue a career in law enforcement.
We always need more female officers and you will be doing a hell of a lot of getting involved in craziness.
Merry Christmas
2007-12-19 16:48:13 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋