My husband has been distant from me for a while. He never shows any affection towards me and every time I tried to get closer to him he would just try to get away from me, and I would end up feeling stupid. We've been married for 3 years with 1 child. He never wants to have sex or be around me anymore leaving me feeling very ugly and depressed.
He's been on the laptop downstairs all night long till 2 am at times this month and I was very suspicious. So I went to his myspace profile and say this girl posting in all his pictures saying he was so hot and that he was hers and she wants him so bad. So Iogged into his acct and saw that they send messages back and forth to eachother saying that they love eachother and he posted in her profile comments how sexy she is (he never posts any comments on my page). He even calls her and she sent him nude pics of her and he sent her a pic of him in his boxers!
I'm very hurt, I dont wanna tell him I went in his acct but I wanna confront him. Help!
2007-12-19 08:03:11 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In all honesty, if he actually loved u he wouldn't be doing this to u. I'd leave him cuz he obviously isn't getting something at home that he may possibly need and now he's looking for the attention elsewhere. That's not fair to u. I can not sit here and bad mouth him becuz I am married and I did it to my husband. I admitted it though and now we are getting a divorce, by my choice. I haven't been in love w/ my husband for quite sometime and that's why I did it. I was missing something at home, I was missing love and the man I met knows how to show his love for me and I will show mine for him. It's ur husbands fault for not being honest w/ u, don't blame urself.
2007-12-19 08:23:54 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Pure Evil♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately this happens all too often. People can live out their fantasies on the Internet. They usually act out their alter ego. I can understand your hurt. If your husband would spend the time he does on line with you it would help the relationship.
It is only natural to want to know why someones behavior has changed. In your case, why your husband has become so distant.
Talk to him. Tell him how you have noticed how he has changed. Give him specific examples. See if he will be truthful. If he isn't then you have to decide if you want to carry it to the next level. Telling him that you have seen his "My Space." Of course he will get angry and blame you for spying on him. What ever his response is he is the one that has been disrespectful. Ask him if he wants to pack up his boxers and take a trip. It is not appropriate for a husband or wife to develop a relationship like this. Some people don't see any harm in it. There is harm. Look at how it has impacted your feelings. Then you begin to question yourself. Thinking maybe if I was more sexy or if I could satisfy him, he wouldn't do this. Please remember it is about him and his inappropriate behavior, not you. Don't give him the power to change how you feel about yourself.
2007-12-19 08:30:30 · answer #2 · answered by Tetonka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok thank goodness you caught this while it is still on the internet and not in real life. I suggest you get up the gust and confront him about this. Have someone watch your child during this time.
He needs to know that you found out. Tell him how he has been treating you or not treating you and that you suspected something so you looked at his file. Oh and by the way make sure you print everything off or have it saved so you have proof in case he tried to lie about it or erase everything. Have it put away in a safe place.
He needs to own up to this and you need to tell him this has got to stop and find ways to strengthen your marriage. This is something that can be overcome with help from an outside source. I suggest a marriage counselor. Something has been amiss in your marriage and a counselor can help you figure out what it is. Remember that a marriage takes two to make it work. Exhaust that avenue before considering leaving him.
If he is not willing to budge or work on the marriage then it is then that you need to leave.
2007-12-19 08:13:01 · answer #3 · answered by hsmommy06 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Adult males usually get myspace pages to flirt and little else. That said, some guys and gals just get caught up in the fantasy, and nothing more. If she lives hundreds of miles away, they'll likely never meet.
Also, the person at the other end could be a guy pretending to be a woman!
2007-12-19 08:19:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-12-19 08:11:17 · answer #5 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That defiantly falls into the emotional affair category.
Do it this way. First off, print off as much evidence as you have and put it in a folder. Next, sit him down and tell him you have met someone online. That this man makes you feel very special and that you have been sending him nude pictures of yourself. Watch how he reacts. If he is hurt and angry then you can tell him that none of it is true that you have only superimposed yourself into his spot. Then hand him the folder and tell him how hurt you are by his actions. If he reacts with indifference then you know the marriage is already over and it is time to move on.
2007-12-19 08:14:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get the yellow pages, open it to the Divorce lawyers. Leave it opened on the table. Make it conspicuous.
When he asks why, simply say you want to know which one he'll be using, so you can pick another.
Being a divorced man with a child is VERY expensive. Your husband (then ex) will have to pay child support to you until the child is 18 or until 22 if they attend college. How will he have money for his Internet honey. Answer: he won't. He will be cold and alone. Hope he likes it.
2007-12-19 08:11:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are his WIFE! You have every right to get into his account and see what is going on if he won't talk to you! And when you confront him about it, he has NO right to get angry...he is the bad guy..not you! I would completely and totally flip out on him, throw the laptop out the door (making sure it hit pavement) and kick him out with it. Don't be afraid...you are his wife and he has been unfaithful. Even if you're willing to take him back, don't let him know it now...scare him into doing whatever it takes for HIM to get YOU back.
Another thing...if she is posting comments about his pictures, can't everyone that is his friend see that? That should be enough right there to be angry! You have to do something, or else it's gonna keep going on. End it now.
2007-12-19 08:09:53 · answer #8 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would agree with the "stay there and work it out" answers. You guys made some vows b4 God. It is rather easy for either person in an marriage to fall into this. The question is will they want to get out, and do they see God's opinion as important. Addiction is definitely suspect. The question is not whether you are in love anymore, it is do you want to work, to have a happy, and happenin marriage again. I would move quick, as these online relationships can really hurt people.
2007-12-19 08:17:55 · answer #9 · answered by A 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Confront him with this. You wanted to know why he is on the computer all night and that is perfectly normal.
It sounds like he does not respect you and therefore thinks that it is OK for him to cheat. Be prepared for him to get upset about you "spying" on him as he will call it.
The more concerned about the "spying" he is the faster you need to divorce him. While he should be apologetic about the on-line affair, I would still say that you should divorce him. He does not respect you and therefore is not worth your time.
By the way, I always feel bad when women say that if a man does not want to have sex with them they feel ugly. That simply is not true. Cheaters do not want sex when they are involved with their affairs. Sometimes even men do not desire sex. It is not because the women that they love stopped being attractive. It is usually related to stress or depression. So do not blame yourself for his not wanting to have sex with you.
Take care,
Troy
2007-12-19 08:15:04 · answer #10 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋