My youngest bonus daughter is multiply disabled and wears a scoliosis brace (my hubby has physical custody and he and her mom have joint legal). Her bio mom has repeatedly admitted to not putting the brace on her like she is supposed to. However, she only has her one day a week (her choice) and overnight just a few nights a year. Daughter’s ortho said that one day a week wouldn't make that big of a difference so in the interest of peace we haven't made a big deal out of it. Here's the problem: She's having scoliosis surgery in May to correct her curve and after the surgery she HAS to wear her brace (a few months) and this time there could be major problems if she doesn't. Bio mom has a LONG history of ignoring doctors, us and everyone else that "tells" her what to do with her child. We are really afraid she will not use the brace like she should.
2007-12-19 07:53:59 · 7 answers · asked by aly_des 3 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
We wanted to see if we could get supervised visits during the time daughter has to wear brace but our lawyer says that won't happen in our state. The most the judge will do is tell her she has to put the brace on her. By the time we find out she’s not using the brace, the ramifications to our daughter could be severe. I know you’re going to say talk to her, and of course we will…we just know it will most likely do no good. We are contemplating not letting daughter go over there during the time she has to wear the brace. We will tell bio mom she can come here 2x a week (more than she sees her now) until daughter no longer has to wear the brace. What do you think. We will probably get a slap on the wrist if she takes him to court….but the alternative is our daughter being harmed and possibly having to have surgery again.
2007-12-19 07:54:15 · update #1
Cajun-all I know is the neuro-surgeon says she has to wear it and it is vital. Yes she is getting rods and a fusion
Butterfly-That's a good suggestion but she'll just atke the brace off as soon as she gets her to her house, like she does now
2007-12-19 08:15:29 · update #2
Does not seem like bio-mom is to concerned with her daughter's health. If she has to wear the brace after surgery, keep her at home and let her mom visit like you suggested.
What is more important to you? A "slap on the wrist from the court" or your daughter's health?
2007-12-19 08:08:02 · answer #1 · answered by Ti 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
> We are contemplating not letting daughter go over there during the time she has to wear the brace
Good way to lose custody altogether IMHO.
If you have concerns about the fitness of the mom, then address that now. Maybe 6 months of therapy and/or meds can turn her into a better person.
Or maybe the site of seeing her daughter undergo major surgery will be enough for her to do the right thing.
Talk to the doctor about the issues NOW so he can refer a team of therapists, social workers, etc. in enough time.
Otherwise, you just have t let life take its course.
2007-12-19 08:02:54 · answer #2 · answered by Barry C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem hasn't come up yet, since the surgery is not until May. For all anyone knows, the mother may know that the brace is crucial then. For now, if the doctor has said that one day here or there won't make a big difference maybe the mother knows that too and wants to have time with her daughter without letting the medical situation "darken" that time (as long as she knows it won't make a big difference). I think its something your husband and his daughter's mother need to talk to the doctor about together. Maybe if he brings up his concerns in the presence of the child's mother and the doctor the doctor, who will know the seriousness of the matter, will find a way to make sure there are no slip ups with the brace.
2016-05-25 01:45:28 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about allowing day visiting only until the brace comes off? That way you would have her dressed and ready when she gets her and she should have no reason to remove the brace. Just don't allow overnight visits during this period.
I hope it all goes well.
2007-12-19 08:07:13 · answer #4 · answered by Butterfly Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would she have to wear the brace after the surgery? I wore a brace prior to my surgery to correct scoliosis and afterward, did not have to wear it. Is she getting the rods, and spinal fusion? I don't see the need for the brace post-op.
2007-12-19 08:03:15 · answer #5 · answered by cajungirl_2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd do whats best for the girl, she could be harmed waiting for the system to "do anything"! Your husband has physical custody, I'd take the slap on the wrist!
2007-12-19 08:15:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are in the right. Have the bio mom come to your house for the visits. It sounds like no matter what, she will do whatever she feels like. Good Luck!!
2007-12-19 08:01:55 · answer #7 · answered by tjflitton 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋