What to do, what to do? Affair?

Question

I have known this man since we were kids crushing on one another. We lost contact over the years and both married and had children. He got a hold of me about 11 months ago and things got crazy. I'm not even sure how it got to the point that it is now but here it is: We are having a full blown affair. Both of us have tried to end it but we get pulled right back in. I am leaving my husband very soon and my husband knows this. The affair guy says he wants to leave his wife but hasn't taken any steps out of fear. I want out of my marraige reagradless of what this other man does but I can't be the women on side forever. Every time I tell him this and tell him to leave me alone until he figuers out what he wants to do he calls me a day or two later crying and confessing his undying love, saying he can't live without me. And I get sucked right back in. I want to hear from men who have been this guy. Tell me what you think.

I wish I had added these details before i got all the answers i did. This is not only a sexual affair. Everyone in his family except his wife and oldest child know what is going on. I have been to BBQs, we go on dates, we go on outings. My husband could care less what i do. His wife is only there so she doesn't have to work. She cheated on him too and got caught. She threatens if he leaves she will screw take him for every dime, blah, blah.

Answer 1

Ok I know how you feel, and it is a rough spot to be in, my wife and I now went through the same thing when we were married, we both said we would leave our spouses and we did it just took awhile. It is hard to deal with, and now I am married to the woman I ran off with. I was bound an determined to leave my ex wife and I did for my fling. If this guy does not show anything to his wife now that he is unhappy and wants to leave, than maybe you have to understand that he is probably using you, as the cake and eating his ice cream also? Talk to him, and if things dont change and he still hides with his wife now, than you know the answear. Go find somebody who will love you and be happy, and not hide there true feelings. Good Luck

Answer 2

Been in your shoes just recently. Here's the deal: HE IS NOT GOING TO LEAVE HIS WIFE.
Here's why:
1) He's a coward
2) It'll cost him way too much (Alimony, child support, his own self-esteem etc.)
3) Remember, you're not the first affair he's had and you will not be the last. Btw, he IS also having sex with his wife. You are just giving him MORE sex than what he gets at home.
4) Affairs are an unhealthy addiction. He needs help and so do you.

Generally, most women have already disconnected from their spouses BEFORE the affair happens. I believe you when you admit you plan to leave your husband regardless of what your affair guy decides to do. So stick to your plan and leave your husband, however, DO NOT hold onto the expectation you'll get the boobi prize in the end! That's just what this affair guy is...a Cheater, loser!

All of this drama with the affair guy is simply to pull you back into this horrible addiction he has. This is NOT LOVE. Do not be blinded by this. Stop this affair now forever. Take control. Get help soon. End all contact. Get your life back on track PLEASE!!!!

Answer 3

Apparently you're not the only one getting sucked in. He will NEVER leave his wife......NEVER !!! Did you hear me NNNNNEEEVVvVVVVVVEEEEERRRRRRRR !!!!
Especially when he's getting the goodies for free !!!!!
Hell, He's got the best of both worlds, security at home and your well ,lets just say, recreation areas !!!
Start using your head to think for once. Don't use him as a crutch between you and your husband .
Really want to stir things up ? Have a talk with his wife.....bet she doesn't even have a clue. And you will sure a s hell find out where you fit into his " undying " love.

Answer 4

It is a tough choice but if he is married leave him alone. If he misses you enough and decides to leave his wife for you then he may be worth it. I don't think people should cheat but I find most guys will string ladies along as long as they can. They will make all of these promises and play with your emotions until you put your foot down and just give them an ultimatum and if they do not decide to be with you leave them alone because in the long run you will be the one who is hurting. You could almost call them cowards.

Answer 5

You asked what we think, so here goes:

I think you're a trifling tramp and shouldn't be messing around with married men. If you're going to leave your husband, then leave. What the man with whom you're having the affair does should not matter.

It's your own fault for getting "sucked back in." Grow a pair and change your phone number, hang up on him, or how about this: don't answer the phone.

You are a piece of work.

Answer 6

I have not directly faced the situation you are discribing...

But wisdom tells me that you need to leave this man alone AT LEAST until he has filed divorce papers.

Talk is cheap, and it's easy for him to keep saying he is "going to leave" his wife. But until he actually does something to put those words into action, you will always be the woman on the side while he keeps the wife.

Answer 7

I can tell you this. From stories that I hear, he won't leave his wife. The thrill of it is for him to have her and you at the same time. You really need to stand up for yourself and find someone else. I'm married, but even if I wasn't, I wouldn't go with a married man. Not enough security there for me.

Answer 8

your in a tricky spot..........First how could you ever trust someone who's been already untrustworthy (with you). I'd feel as if they have the moral abillity to repeat and never feel comfortable.
In addition, he may have the same underlining issue with his feelings and the two of you will always be checking on one another.
I'd recommend leaving your husband and then expanding your horizons where you can be free of the past. What is done is done, leave it behind and find a positive new relationship.

Answer 9

well i am not a guy, but I will tell you what I think anyways. I think you are allowing yourself to get pulled back into this affair because you want too. You are unhappy with your marriage so you are having this affair to escape. And I do not believe this man will leave his wife for you, and even if he did, why would you want him? he cheated on his wife with you, what makes you think he would not cheat on you? You both are unafithful. VOWS. you should honor them

Answer 10

I think you don't realise the pain and heartache you are causing and going to cause to all of the people around you that love you both..

My husband had an affair 2 years ago, and though we are still together he has screwed me up for life. My personality has been destroyed, and though I love him, I will never be the same person...Also my 2 daughters, (who do not know about the affair but knew we had problems), will never be the same and will never trust men after the hurt they saw me go through.

Nice work!

RE: your additional details...oh that is ok then eh? My god....you really are blind to what you are doing aren't you? Excuses excuses. You made your bed...you can lay it in! What goes around comes around and you will get yours!!!