My Poem =]?

Question

I would like your thoughts on my poem, please - I am not professional or anything, just a simplistic 14 year-old boy, so please don't be harshly critical. :P

Being of the indoctrinating hate.
Enchanted words may now seal your fate.
Send this evil back to hell.
Where the darkest shadows dwell.
Burn as thou feel infinite scorn and pain.
Your hallow'd blood is cast into the rain.
Being cursed to live, cursed to die.
Leave this world as fire can fly.
Destroy thou curs'ed abomination.
Be imprisoned in my declaration.

Answer 1

nice. very nice. i write plenty of poems like this. i love poem like this. ever thought of becoming a published poet? try submitting your work to this:

http://writeupyourstreet.org.uk/rules.html

your entry has to have:
the name of a real london street in the title
300 words or less
and you mut not include personal details (name, age, adress, etc) within the poem.

Answer 2

Well. the syllables are a bit out.
And the vocabulary seems a little out of context at times.
But apart from that, the rhyming is generally quite good.

Being 14, you are at the beginning of great experimentation, if this is written because you are a poet, and you are not just writing poetry for poetrys sake.

This poem has potential if you can tell me what it means.
If you can only give a vague description of certain parts, and yet there is no conclusive meaning as there does not seem to be, i can honestly say that this is not poetry, but rather synonyms of words, which you barely know.
If i am wrong, then by all means well done, but explain what it means first and then i will stand corrected.

Answer 3

Well really it doesn't say much and you can literally smell the cheese. This really just reads like a poor emo like poem trying to sound dark and mysterious. The rhyming scheme is not particularly original and the whole thing just seems a little too cliche.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but its just my critique. Just claiming you're a 'simplistic 14 year old boy' is not good enough, it doesn't make a poem any better. I don't mean to dishearten you though. Keep trying.

Answer 4

Nice job for 14. Insightfully written, keep it up.

Answer 5

Its very meaningful, darksome and has an ethereal beauty and the malevolence is quite deep. What inspired you.?

For one starting out in life very Well done...

Answer 6

Hi you are doing very well,you took very good theme also,keep it up man.

Answer 7

I don't care what that harsh guy said, I think your poem's lovely. I really like it.

Answer 8

that was really good , nice vocabulary you got there