The military changed my husband really really bad?

Question

Okay so a year ago my husband joined the Navy which I am proud of but he came back a different man... He was mean and cold and lazy before he left but Now it just got Worse... I was so happy that I though this was gonna change him but now I see that I was wrong! I feel crappy about myself all the time because I get blamed for everything like I'm stupid or something but deep down I feel like I shouldn't. We have a two year old son and I don't want him to lose his dad but I don't think I can live so far away from everyone and still take all this crap... I know this is wrong but I want to go back home because I feel like there is someone else there for me ....

Answer 1

Then go. Your husband doesn't sound like he'll be much of a father in the long run.

Answer 2

I will have to say that ''it isn't the military life that changed your
husband"....should he have been ''confronted with that type of
lifestyle" ...outside the circles of Military Life...
Some people like to Blame the Military, when it shouldn't be
that way...because the Military Service was Established as
a Way, to Protect the Freedoms we have in America...and
to help ''settle the differences, between the countries, in the
foreign lands"...the ones who are ''friends with the USA".
Even in America, if a person, becomes Confronted with Negative
Lifestyles, it can be Detrimental to the Human Mind...
This can be proven with the Many Children who are Viewing
"Domestic Violence".
If I were you, I would First Seek Assistance, from a VA Representative, who might be able to provide Guidance &
Counseling OR REFERRAL, for your husband (& yourself),
and if Your Husband Refuses to Be Helped, ''then you should
probably be better off...to remove the child from a Negative
Type Situation"....but When You took the Marriage Vow, you
"Vowed to stick by that Mate, through sickness & health"...and
that is a Responsibility You Accepted.
You Never Know, Life Could Get Better than it ever did.
A Veteran Can Sometimes Be the ''Hardest Companions, to Live
With...Once They Have Viewed the Horrors...of Warfare...and the
Aftermath of it...
They shouldn't be ''held at fault...for having done something..to
make a living".
The VA has Many Benefits for a Veteran. FIND OUT WHAT THESE
ARE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM...FOR THE SAKE OF
YOUR FAMILY.
Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, is an Illness, and perhaps your
husband can consult with the Mental Health Division of the VA
Hospital, nearest you. They prescribe meds for that.
There's Money Compensation for Diagnosis of PTSD of a Veteran.
There's Champus Health Medical Coverage for the Spouse &
Dependents of a Veteran.
There's a "One time payment for addition to a house"...there's a
Once A Year...Claim Form...for Re-imbursements of Medical
Expenses, such as (housekeeping /personal care , Over the
Counter meds & accessories, & other medical / personal needs).
There's a Guaranteed Loan Certificate that can be gotten for
purchasing a house...
There is a Handbook for Federal Benefits for a Veteran and
Dependents...get one of those at the VA Office or from a
VA Representative...READ IT...IT HELPS YOU TO KNOW
WHAT BENEFITS ARE AVAILABLE & HOW TO GET THEM.
I hope this helps you. TF

Answer 3

You need to have a sit-down talk at the table with your husband and explain to him -- very politely the following:

1.) he is in the Navy and you are not -- you and your child are civilians so he needs to not treat you like one of his squaddies.

2.) you realise that military service is hard on families and you want to support him as best as you can.

3.) ( this one depends a little ) are there any of his buddies in the Navy he can go and hang with and go do guy things? Sometimes this can be a little bit of a stress-reliever and keep that stress away from you. Maybe, maybe not.

4.) Are there other Navy wives near by that you can contact for advice, counsel, or just have a plain-old ordinary gripe session?

5.) Consider seeking out another Navy couple that share your interests. Frequently, if the Navy man is around a colleague, he will be on his best behavior.

6.) Try planning something special for when he is home -- special evening with his favorite dinner, romantic time, etc.

I hope some of this helps....Finn.

P.S. my father was USN for 20 years.

Answer 4

The military changed my husband really really bad?

Answer 5

Maybe you should seek some professional help for all of you. The military could have made him change but usually it is for the better. He obviously had some issues prior to him going into the military. But I think that for your families sake get help.

Answer 6

I grew up in a very unstable and chaotic environment and my mom said the same thing. She said she wanted to keep Dad around because she felt he needed to be in our lives. In reality, I did not want him there. His actions made things worse around our home and it's selfish to keep kids exposed to such abuse in the name of having a father around. It's better to not have him there than to have him being abusive.

As for him blaming you, he's just projecting his behavior onto you. He is not accepting his part in the situation or taking responsibility for his actions. I dated a guy just like that. He blamed every problem we had on me, saying I was b*tching or nagging or whatever. Truthfully, he was lying to me all the time and was severely immature. I'm not telling you what to do, but am only sharing my experience. Good luck with whatever choice you make, and remember to keep those kids first.

Answer 7

You obviously know what you need to do then. Don't give any warning or anything. Have a guy friend and a girlfriend come out and help you move. Just have them show up so he can't pull some B.S on you.

Answer 8

"I know this is wrong but I want to go back home because I feel like there is someone else there for me ...."

The above statement is in reverse. What is wrong is for you to stay in this abusive relationship. He was abusive before he went into the military and it only increased his abusive tendencies.

Divorce him for you and your son. You do not want your son learning how to be abusive to women. You do not want to be abused any more. Go home to your family and make a new start.

Take care and Good Luck,
Troy

Answer 9

Did you notice something when ever a women has a problem with their husband right away they think of leaving.
Before that why dont you try talking to him when he is in a good mood.
Tell him like it is or else and if things dont change then maybe you should think of leaving

Answer 10

the Navy did not change him it just taught him how to be a bigger jerk he was always what he is leave go home to people who love you and will support you. If you want totry and work it tell him to straighten out or you will report him to his commanding officer but if i were you i would leave him until /if he changes drasticly GOOD LUCK