I had an abortion and now I feel horrible............?

Question

I was raped about 7 months ago during a robbery at my job. I got pregnant as a result of it. I had an abortion because at the time I thought it was the best thing to do. Now I cry about it everyday and I am still a victim to him because I cant get past what I did as a result of his horrible act. Please give me some suggestions on how to deal with life after abortion

michele thank you so much for putting it that way i really needed to hear that I know god will eventually dry my tears. thank you from the bottom of my heart

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your loss.

There are support groups for women who aborted their babies and are grieving. Perhaps there is one in your area.

In addition, you may benefit from attending a support group for rape survivors. Many towns have rape crisis centers that offer these sorts of groups.

The bottom line, is that you will need to move to a place in your life where you forgive yourself. Unfortunately, there is no going back to make this decision over again. Know now that God forgives you for your decision (all you have to do is ask).

Your next task is to forgive yourself. You went through a horrid ordeal,you were stressed out, and didn't' know what else to do. You made the best decision you could at the time.

Sometimes it helps to imagine how you would respond to a women who came to you who was in a similar situation. If such a woman came to you for advice, would you not comfort her and tell her you understood? I'm sure you would. Now, do your best to apply that same forgiveness and understanding to yourself.

You will see your baby one day again in heaven. For now, know that she is safe in Jesus' arms.


Again, so sorry for your loss,
~M~

Answer 2

Honey, ignore all those rude, and ignorant comments from people who have obviously never experienced an unplanned pregnancy before. You are not a horrible human being for doing this. I know exactly how you feel, don't worry the feelings you have now will go after a couple of months after having it and I would strongly advise that you see a councillor before and after your abortion, the best place for this would be a well woman clinic. Just a little bit of advice, you must be sure about what you want before you do anything. It is such a difficult decision to make but talk to somebody about it like a councillor. Good luck with your decision. And don't feel bad whatever decision you decide to take because after all it is only up to you whether you want this child or not. If you do have an abortion, although you will never forget, you will get through it. Your day will come when you are ready to have a child. The proceedure is totally fine once you choose to be 'asleep' for it, they put you 'to sleep' for literally 10mins thats all.

Answer 3

I would have done the same thing if I were you. Its different having an abortion after getting pregnant by your boyfriend, or husband or lover, but to be raped and get pregnant as a result is a horrible thing. Just keep telling yourself you did the right thing. I think anyone would have done that in your situation. You also may want to seek some counseling, rape is a hard thing to deal with and often people need someone to talk to about it.. Best wishes!

Answer 4

Could it be the aftereffects of the assault with which you are grappling, and you are conflating the two in your mind? After all, you felt at the time that ending the pregnancy was the right thing to do. Remember, you have two issues to deal with here: the assault and the resultant abortion. Even if you hadn't gotten pregnant, you still would have to deal with the effects of being assaulted. Is it possible that the two together are making things worse than had you only been dealing with one issue?

Whatever it is, you really, really need to see a counselor to help you work through these issues. There is no getting around that you need someone who is trained to work with survivors of traumatic events such as yourself. Asking the great unwashed on Yahoo! Answers isn't going to help much.

Take care of yourself.

Answer 5

This is horrible, but you dont have to feel bad or hate your life or decisions for it. Im sure a lot of ladies would of done the same thing... it was not a mutual thing to "make the baby" so it really didnt give you much option.. I would have done teh same thing.. I know a friend she is product of a rape. .. to this day.. her mom treats her really bad and has been neglected by the family all her life.. she is grown (25 yrs old) and very succesful person.. but she always said if teh same thing happened to her ...she would of chosen abortion. The best thing you can do right now.. is surround yourself with love,friends, support groups...bad memories cannot be gone in seconds, days...maybe years...but some1 that shows you support right now is what will really help. God Bless

Answer 6

I understand your situation , my friend went through the same scenario . A perfectly normal life has been ruined due to the tragedy . You have been through lots of griefs and it was the right course of action to take . How can bad things happen to nice people ? It's there to make you stronger as a person . It 's a normal stage of guilt that you are experiencing and deep down you know you have done the right thing and you will grief for the time being but you will have a new start again when you are ready .

Answer 7

This is the wrong place to be getting advice on something so serious as this.

I am so sorry about what happened to you, and you are still being victimized because of it. You should seek out professional help now if you are not already....

Be strong. You made a decision that you thought was best, don't beat yourself up over it.

Answer 8

If you're not seeing a professional who can help you sort things out you should be.

Other than that, try telling yourself that you aren't going to let the criminal or the whole incident take more from you than it already has.

Find the one thought that you keep turning to that helps you feel a little better (like, "every child deserves to conceived out of love, not violence" or "would this child have deserved such a biological father" or "would I have wanted this attack to have that kind of change of my life forever"). Whatever the thought is, find one that helps and keep saying it whenever you need to say it.

Answer 9

You did what you felt was right at the time and there's no need for punishing yourself now. There's no need to punish yourself at all. You're only a victim if you act like one or believe yourself to be one. You do not have to remain his victim. If you do, you'll be carrying him around with you for the rest of your life and is he worth that?? I don't think so.

Answer 10

You should not be letting him victimize you still. He should be dead.
This may sound like a harsh answer, but here is how I look at it.
1.having his baby is a reminder for your life of him
2. he obviously has serious issues that could be passed onto your children
3. people like him do not deserve the chance to create life and pass their horrible genes on in evolution
4. another reason they shouldnt have the right to create life is that his morals shouldnt be passed on either.
Bottom line, you did what you thought was right.
As for dealing with thinking about abortion, you were humane. I just saw in the news today about 2 cases of where newborns were dumped in dumpsters to die and suffer.