My husband is usually a very loving man.He's sweet,makes me laugh,shows affecttion,and is a great provider.But lately(and by lately i mean since we've been married,almost 2 years now)he's become increasingly dominant.Every time i confront him about it he gets upset,claiming that i'm always misunderstanding him and that im' mistaking opinions for orders.But if i don't follow his "opinions"he gets upset.It can be something major(like refusing to name our daughter after my grandmother,the woman who raise me,simply b/c he doesn't like the name)or something small(like telling me to go shopping friday instead of thursday,the day i wanted to go,just because he thinks it's a better idead,no other reason.)Please help me.I'm in tears right now and i cant let him see me this way b/c i don't want a confrontation.
2007-12-19 05:48:57 · 19 answers · asked by bittersweet84 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The solution to your "problem" lies in this sentence: "If I don't follow his 'opinions' he gets upset." Your mistake is making HIS upset feelings YOUR problem. They are not your problem. His upset feelings are his problem. You make it sound like your husband being upset is intolerable to you. It does not have to be intolerable unless you make it intolerable. If you feel strongly about doing something a certain way, do it. If it goes against his opinion and he gets upset, too bad so sad for him. You'll feel much better when you stop making his problems your problems.
2007-12-19 05:57:47 · answer #1 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I'm a girl but I'm going to have to call you out on the name thing. It's his kid too so quit your whining. Are you seriously acting like if you were in his position, you'd allow him to name your kid something that you don't approve of? You should make an effort to compromise on a name you can both agree on. Seeing as it is his daughter too. What is with women like you who marry men and then expect to mop the floor with them. Never mind him being too dominant, I think you have your own control issues to worry about. Enough of this playing the victim bullshit. That's what gives the rest of us a bad name.
2014-01-30 09:56:38 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are so many different types of people in this world. We just have to adapt to their differences if we want to make it work- to make life smooth, in any situation/relationship. If you work for someone, you have to do things their way. If you have a relationship, someone has to take the submissive role. Life isn't 50/50 about everything, that's the fantasy that so many live their life by.
I hate conflict myself, I too chose the same type of personality you did for my lifemate. The way I deal with it, I am pretty dominant myself (set on what I believe), however, I choose my battles carefully. If it is something small, like what you are listing above, changing your shopping day from one day to another, hey, just do it. That's just not worth fighting about. You know it is important to your man to lead, so let him. Who are you hurting by doing so? Yourself? He is simply taking on the "traditional" male role.
2007-12-19 06:02:46 · answer #3 · answered by E! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you may be a little too emotional but I am the same way. It also sounds like he may be a tad bit controlling, but not enough to bring up any concern. Without knowing more details (because the two examples you gave don't seem that bad) I can't say. Both of you should be naming the baby. Not just you, not just him - but you do have to agree on something so try to be reasonable. He can't tell you what days to shop on. You go on the days that you want to go. If he wants you to go on Friday, then tell him to go himself. You don't have to follow his opinions. If he gets upset about it then that's too bad.
2007-12-19 05:56:41 · answer #4 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey I want to cry for you this isn't going to get better if you address this now. Try a diffrent approach to this wait until everything is so good and say in a nice voice baby i'm hurting and then tell him why. Tell him how he makes you feel say everything that you just said to us in the beginning of this how loving, kind, respectful and everything else. Let him no how much you love and don't want to loose him but he makes you feel go from there
2007-12-19 06:00:10 · answer #5 · answered by Debbie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you know better than anyone else the answer to your question. If you are coming on yahoo to ask if your husband is too dominate, than he is too dominate. Sit down with him tell him your concerns and come up with a solution. However, if you fear for you safety where he is concerned that contact your local abuse hotline. Let them help you set up a plan to get you out of there safely.
2007-12-19 05:55:33 · answer #6 · answered by raven j 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Ohhhh I'm so sorry... I can hear your pain. Gosh I don't know what to say but counseling, because he's not listening to you and more-so, he's not hearing himself. Try to have one more talk with him, not at the time you are trying to defend yourself. Schedule a lunch date and write down everything you are feeling in a letter and present it to him there and at the end let him know if things don't change you would like you two to seek counseling. It's only going to get worst, his behavior so you must do something now.
2007-12-19 05:56:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
im so sorry that your upset right now. if he doesnt want to listen, you have to keep trying. tell him that this isnt something that your making up to pick a fight, but its something that is really bothering you. i mean if you cant listen to you when you have concerns then how is the rest of your marriage going to work. as for the name bit about your daughter. i can see where this would upset you but a name is very important, no offense but if your grandmothers name as olga or bertha it might be because he really didnt like the name for his child. there are a lot of connotations with a name especially for a girl. the shopping thing is a little weird but doesnt seem to controlling. i mean he didnt say you cant go shopping because i said so? i dont know my dear this is you situation. but again, communication is the key.
2007-12-19 06:01:32 · answer #8 · answered by crabybuttcute 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will only get worse from here if you don't do something about it now. You are going to have to stand up for yourself and remind him that you are an adult and can make your own decisions, he doesn't need to concern himself with when you go shopping. Unfortunately, controlling men don't usually change they just find other ways to manipulate you. Good luck.
2007-12-19 06:00:26 · answer #9 · answered by JenJen 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
God is there another one out there i thought i was the only one with one like you have, i have been told it is a sigh of insecurity on there part that's why they have to be in charge i wear ear plugs no honest if you don't want to confront,him just nod your head and agree,until you find a time when you know you can get him to agree to what you want good luck your not on your own out there
2007-12-19 06:01:40 · answer #10 · answered by jane 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋