I'm 23, just out of college, and just found out that my best friend of forever is pregnant. I feel like she just threw everything away. She's happily married and I think she's happy about it, but no matter how hard I try I cant be happy for her. She used to have so many dreams, to travel the world, to live in Paris for a year, to go to grad school and move away from our small town. Now she's just trapped, stuck with a baby and a normal average life. The question though is more about me - Everyone says "Well thats what happens at your age." I feel like I must not be normal because I have NO desire to settle down and get married and have children. I like being in a relationship, but I just dont want to be trapped like she is going to be. I have no maternal instinct and I feel like once you have kids your life is over...Does anyone else around my age feel like this? Am I normal?
2007-12-19 04:45:22 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm far from being your age.........."sigh".
Your only assuming that your friend has compromised her life by settling down and now having a child. To you she's compromised..........but you also said she's happy.....HELLO, happy isn't good now a days or what?
You are normal..........if you don't have that urge or desire of maternal intinct to want children now or ever and you know that you feel like this I commend you for not acting on a wim like so many people do these days and just pop out babies and get divorced like its nothing.
This is normal for you right now..........but some day you might change your mind.
2007-12-19 05:06:51 · answer #1 · answered by MLJ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not your age, but I was ten years ago, and I felt the same way. Not everyone gets married, have kids and die... some, intellectuals like yourself, go on to grad school Personally, I went to lawschool and most all the women there do not want to be trapped at a young age with a husband and children. Oh, and to the person who rudely commented about they couldn't get anyone to marry them either. Well, I am married, and I've had plenty of offers. Just because you feel differently doesn't mean you should go hating on other people.
2007-12-19 05:11:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are normal, your feelings are just that, yours. You have a right to not want to be tied down, and do things before you settle. You may feel like you never want to settle and my guess is once you sow a few oats that will change. However you also may be feeling alone because once you and your friend wanted the same things and now she wants different things. Part of growing up is accepting others for who they are and what they want even if or especially if it is different from what you want. So do your very best and try to be happy for her because she is happy even though it is not what you would want for your life. And then stop stressing over it, are you happy with the way your life is going, if so, then just let it be and be happy, travel, date, see things, and enjoy.
2007-12-19 05:22:02 · answer #3 · answered by Elvira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At my age, I am not at the end of the road yet, but I can see it from here. It is depressing at times when I need a cane to walk, my teeth are in a cup in the bathroom, my hair is gray, I have seven different prescription medicines and a dozen supplements and vitamins and the only bulge left in my pants is the Depend pad that I wear to catch the dribbles. There are days when I feel just fine and there are days when I feel like death warmed over. It takes a little out of me every time I am out of sorts and it causes changes in one's moods and outlooks about everything. The finiteness of our life here on Earth becomes very vivid in one's mind. Christians may talk of eternal life, but even if it is real, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush and I don't care to give up this life, the only one I know is real, any sooner than necessary. I think that the spiritual and emotional part of us and the physical body also both suffer when the other suffers and it can be depressing.
2016-05-25 01:14:24 · answer #4 · answered by lavera 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is different. Some women are career-oriented, others are much more maternal. Others change gradually, one way of the other.
As for life being over with children - absolutely not! Being a mother is the best thing that ever happened to me. Before I had my first baby, I was trapped in the rat race, going to an office every day, working for someone else, often gazing outside at the sunshine and wishing I could be free.
Having a child freed me to be myself, to organise my own life, to learn skills I wanted to and not to have to work for anyone else.
2007-12-19 04:51:49 · answer #5 · answered by Kukana 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You veiw it as being stuck; maybe she views it as the complete opposite. The goals you have when you're a teenager are a lot different from the goals you have at age 23. You're BOTH normal. Keep in mind that you're only 23, and you have years and years to get a husband or have children (if you choose). Not everyone has kids, and believe me -- there's lots of people out there that don't want them. You each just have different goals, and there's nothing wrong with that.
2007-12-19 05:06:43 · answer #6 · answered by Abby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you're normal. At our age, half the people around us (both male and female) are thinking really seriously and in serious relationship, engaged, and married already. The other half is still unsure who they are and knows they aren't ready for or interested in a serious relationship for another few years. Know which category you fit into....and then have fun being who you are and doing things you enjoy without worrying that you're not in a serious relationship or married with kids right now.
Also, you're friend might seem "stuck" to you, but to her it might be pure bliss. So treat her the same you always would, cuz you won't know what her life is like until you're in a similar situation, and maybe she's happier than she seems. But don't feel you have to follow the exact same path to make yourself happy.
2007-12-19 04:50:57 · answer #7 · answered by 3ng1n33rgurl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to figure out if this is truly how you feel, or if you are afraid of losing your best friend, because having a child takes up a lot of a person's time...believe me. And, children aren't for everyone. If you don't want children, then who cares what other people think..you do what's right for you. And, on the other side..your friend is doing what is right for her. By the way, I'm 25 and have a 5 year old daughter.
2007-12-19 04:52:57 · answer #8 · answered by ArmyWife52508 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like someone who thinks your way of living is the only way of living. Your friend thinks having a baby at 23 is better than living in Paris for a year? Sounds like she'll be a great mom. Stop being so jealous.
2007-12-19 04:51:12 · answer #9 · answered by R. Trout 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, dear, both are normal actually. You're fine for wanting your ambitions more than a family at this point, and your friend is perfectly fine for wanting a family. People have different goals and dreams, and right now, you two have differing opinions on how life should be.
If nothing else, be happy that you friend is following her dream.
Cheers
2007-12-19 04:49:25 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋