Omg. I cleaned out my now-husband's storage to make room for soem of my belongings. He did warn me that there is some old things in there he hasn't bothered to clean-out since his divorce. Well I didn't expect me to find a sex tape of him and his ex. I didn't mind seeing their old check books, or even pictures (nothing naughty), or even some of her things. It bothered me so much because on the tape it said his & her name "Making Love". The fact that I had seen my husband's naked body with another naked body badly disturbed me, I have disgusting flashbacks. I think that tape is ruining our relationship! I am jealous because we've been together for 3 years and he hasn't tried to maneuver those things to me. It's been killing me. I did confront him but he just doesn't care. I'm old-fashioned and I can't accept the fact that I seen his body with another and I want to just leave him now. I understand that it's in the past but what I seen is now and EEW! I'm actually starting to hate him.
2007-12-19 04:07:44 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why did you watch the tape? Listen you just have to get past the fact that he has been with someone else. Most people have so move on and don't compare yourself to her. My husband is an artist and when I moved in and was looking at artwork I saw lots of nudes that he had done of ex girlfriends it really bothered me at first but then we talked and I had to come to terms with the fact the he is with me and not them and "I" am the one he chose to marry.
2007-12-19 04:13:14 · answer #1 · answered by Jessa 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know everyone says you shouldn't have watched it but curiosity got the best of you. If I was in your position I would just think of all the good things that you guys have when ever the tape pops in to your mind. And tell him that it bothers you that he hasen't tried any of those things with you and ask him why, also tell him to throw it away, and if he wont then you don't want him anyway. I know it will be hard to get that image out of your mind but if you guys really care for each other than you can work through it that is what makes a marriage stronger. I know it is easy to say but I honestly don't know what I would do if I saw something like you saw.
2007-12-19 04:27:02 · answer #2 · answered by Kim B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really shouldn't have watched the tape if it was gonna bother you. The guy you married is the same guy you are with today, in other words that is his past so leave it alone.
He warned you that you might find something like that and it was something that really isn't a bad thing, they made it when they were a couple and "in love", it's not like he was with some s--ts. Don't be upset because he hasn't asked you to do the same, he probably regrets making the first one, and with your reaction he probably never will ask you. Calm down and rethink the whole thing. You are jealous because you love him. I'm sure you have probably done things in the past that you wouldn't want him to have to relive so leave it be and try to forget about it. I've known guys who divorced and then gave their tapes to their buddies. To me that says worse about the guy than forgetting to pitch it in the trash.
2007-12-19 04:35:41 · answer #3 · answered by CINDY J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't hate him. He did have a life before you came along, as I'm sure you did as well. He warned you that you might find things such as this and I'm going to guess that you aren't controlled by some Big Brother force and you are able to restrain yourself from doing things that you shouldn't do. Lookin at the tape was something you should not have done. Before you leave someone who has been nothing but honest with you and maybe finding yourself alone for the rest of your life, you ought to get some counseling for yourself and see if you can't learn to leave well enough alone and be thankful for what you have today. Maybe he learned his lesson and doesn't ever want to make a video like that again and that's why he hasn't done it with you. People do make mistakes and learn from them. Don't be upset with him. Be upset with yourself for stepping over a boundary line you know you shouldn't have approached. If he's that bad, send him my way. I am grown up enough to overlook unimportant issues.
2007-12-19 04:13:49 · answer #4 · answered by Kitten Hood 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I must admit that would be a shocker. I know it would really hurt my wife if she found something like that of mine. However, you knew he was married before and you know he was intimate with his then wife when you married him. It seems to me that the fact that he didn't remember to throw it away, shouldn't end your marriage. My wife and I have some "personal" tapes of our own. I wouldn't even know where in the house to find them, even if I did remember that we made them. The point I am making is that don't let something like that ruin your marriage. You knew they were intimate before you married him, so having visual proof should not change the way you feel about him. He, on the other hand should be more sensitive to you and at care about how you feel. That maybe should be more of the issue than the tape itself.
2007-12-19 04:23:38 · answer #5 · answered by spruder1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you must forgive him and realize that he has chosen you as his mate for life.... to be with him for 3 years is a long time to become intimate and full of love for each other. realize that each individual has moments of their past that could be regretful, or just wild moments for crazier times. think of all your past moments and reflect upon something you might not particularly want your present loved one to know the explicit details of. remember, this is something that happened a long time ago, and that he has shown you total devotedness and that you are #1 in his life. YES, it was inconsiderate of him to keep it all this time, and not to have destroyed that- but- he had the faith in you and trust with all his belongings regardless of their origin. now, YOU made the choice to view that recording, knowing full and well of the contents on it, logically based upon the title of it. Do you trust him? Is there any reason not to? Well? He should know very well that this would cause you some emotions. If you have expressed these feelings with him, ask him for some reassurance and comfort. This is something you must get over, remove it from your thoughts, and obsessions. It is a useless waste of time and energy to go on about it. You could have saved your eyes of this and disregarded it and respected his past actions. I am sure because of a relentless curiosity, you just HAD to view it. That is a risk you took, and now you must recuperate yourself and take into consideration where you are in your relationship with this man. How were your feelings for him the morning of the ''clean out'' ?? Loving, and caring, i would definately suppose- enough so, to assist him in the clearing of OLD JUNK. these are things that by cleaning out the old, this can be a time for him to start anew and gain better lifetime experiences with you. As for the 'maneuvers' you speak of; Maybe you should initiate these and gain some new spice in that department of your relationship. it really can be a rewarding way to make new ties with him and share some quality love-time and reinforce the love you really have for him. i do wish you a serene recovery from this horrid experience and just take your time in the recovery and recuperation of what your true feelings are.
2007-12-19 04:24:25 · answer #6 · answered by que otro hay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You confronted him and he didn't care? About what? That you confronted him...or that you'd seen the tape? He shouldn't have kept it in a new relationship anyway. I suggest you destroy it if you haven't already done so and ask him to sort through his old stuff and get rid of anything that he thinks YOU won't like to see. Tell him how upset seeing it has made you and how insensitive he was to a) keep it in the first place and b) leave it where you/your children could see it. In fact, say to him what you've said to us. If he is still showing signs of not caring then I suggest you think very carefully about whether he's the man for you.
2007-12-19 04:16:41 · answer #7 · answered by chris n 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, blame yourself, nobody made you actually watch the tape did they? What did you think would be on it?
Second, if you haven't already done so, have him destroy the tape in front of you as a show of good will.
Third, Set up the bedroom and the camera as a sexy play-room, surprise him next time he comes home. Give him something current to watch!!
Finally, don't hate him, darlin, its not like he made the tape hoping some future wife would find AND watch it. Get over the jealously and let go of your inhibitions.
I wish you well
2007-12-19 04:15:20 · answer #8 · answered by scott_v1963 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You shouldn't have watched the tape.
But it's funny, when I was reading your post I was thinking "I'd only be mad if she was getting it better than I do", and then you said the same thing. :)
I wouldn't be able to let that go. I'd be asking why he wasn't making love to me as good! That was probably a performance for the tape though.
Let it go - you shouldn't have watched it. It happened before you were together and I'm sure you didn't think he'd never been with anyone. Don't hate him for having a life before the two of you met - that's crazy.
Good Luck.
2007-12-19 04:12:59 · answer #9 · answered by nite_angelica 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Wow, are you sure this is the reason you're having problems? Sounds like there's more going on. Honestly, this isn't a big deal. What he did with his ex when they were together is his business. He admitted to having not gone through those things in a while, and if he had i'm sure he would've thrown it out.
But why did you even watch it in the first place? The only thing it could've done was upset you. Its weird for you to even have been going through his things, but then to watch the tape? Sounds like he should be the one whose upset, not you.
2007-12-19 04:13:19 · answer #10 · answered by bobdole_13 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋