Is my doctor breaching patient confidentiality?

Question

My fiance and I have been dating for about 2 years now, and we really love eachother. We just found out I'm pregnant, and he's so excited about starting a new family.
My problem is, he wants to come along to all of my doctor's appointments. It's getting harder and harder to come up with excuses to explain the comments my doctor makes about 'this time around' and my 'fourth pregnancy'.
Is there a tactful way to ask my doctor not to mention anything about all the abortions I've had these past two years to him? It's kind of a private subject. My fiance is very religious, and I think it might gross him out.

Answer 1

If you are bringing someone into the visit, he is not breaching confidentiality.
Ignore the ignorant comments. Things happen and no one is perfect and people should not judge you.
Just ask your doc to keep your privacy on the multiple pregnancy subject. You don't need to worry how you say it. I would probably tell him when he does this it brings up bad memories and that I'm concentrating on good things and the future right now. I would also tell him your fiance does not know, although unless he is dense, at this point, he knows.
I really find it strange that the doc is saying these things. I had multiple pregnancies (miscarriages) and it was never mentioned. You might consider changing docs. This one sounds odd.
What you chose to tell your man is YOUR business, but he must not be very religious or the two of you would not have had pre-marital sex.
Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 2

If you are bringing your fiance in the room with you for your doctors visits then you are giving the doctor permission to share your personal information with him, so there has been no breach of your doctor patient confidentiality. If you don't want the doctor to say certain things around you fiance, then you need to have a private conversation with the doctor and let him know that the comments he is making around your fiance makes you extremely uncomfortable. If the doctor cannot respact your wishes then I suggest you find a new one.

Answer 3

Your medical history is important. Whether or not you want your doctor to discuss your past is irrelevant; it happened, and frankly if you've been LYING to your man (lying by omission is still lying), then you have to face the consequences.
YOU chose to have the abortions, now you have to dance to the piper's tune. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

Your man has a RIGHT as the father of THIS child to be there. You MIGHT want to take the doctor aside and tell him you'd rather not have him mention the previous aborted pregnancies, but with all the other patients this man sees, don't rely on him to keep your secret. Know what I mean??

Answer 4

Just out of curiosity, were the abortions his children? You mention over the past two year, and you were with him for two years.... Why didn't he know about the pregnancies in the first place? You hid something very important from him that could cause him to distrust you majorly. Why didn't you learn protection from your first abortion? That is a lot of innocent lives destroyed in such a short period of time, all because you were too self-absorbed to consider the life growing inside of you.... you are not God, you shouldn't choose who lives and who dies. This is terrible, I am sick.

Answer 5

You should also be HONEST with your fiance, no matter what the consequence. Going into a marriage with a secret like that is like dynamite to a bridge.

You should talk to your doctor prior to the appointment and inform him to not make comments about your prior abortions. At this point IMO he is doing nothing wrong... he sees it as, you both are engaged, he's coming to your appointments, so the doctor is assuming (incorrectly in this case) that you are being open and honest to the man you love.

Since being open and honest about your past with your fiance is not in your plans, please inform the doctor prior to showing up at a doctors appointment.

Answer 6

You need to start your relationship out on honesty. To keep this from him right now is a huge mistake. He needs to know who you are and to keep something from him is a form of deceit.

If your fiance cannot handle the truth about you, he is not the man for you.

If you have had an abortion, your chances of getting cancer have increased by 35% according to a recent study just done in Britain by reputable scientists. To keep this from your husband is not a relationship built on trust. When you keep a secret, you carry that around with you and you will not be free until you tell him about this. It will be in the back of your mind eating at you affecting your thoughts and worrying that he may find out by some other means.

Answer 7

You didn't mention as to whether or not you've already asked your doctor NOT to speak of these things, especially in front of your fiance. If not..please do! He/she should (if they have any professional morals) be compliant with your wishes.

Answer 8

You've had 3 abortions since you've been with your fiance but he doesn't know about this.... Wow! How about starting your relationship off right and telling your fiance what you did. A marriage built on lies will not last!

Anyway, you can tell your doctor what you don't want mentioned in front of your fiance.

Answer 9

first off, your doctor has no business making these comments. ask him to stop. However, I think you can get him to stop, you need to be prepared for the fact that when you deliver the doctors and nurses will all be privy to this and will be asking history questions, etc. and it will probably come up again. I don't know if you can totally hide it. As for your doctor explain that you want him to stop his comments or look for another doctor that supports your wishes.