Yeah, I can't get over it. The other night he told me he appreciated the straight answer for why I was mad the other day. I still wanted to ask him why I have no straight answers about why he led me to believe he time with the guys, "guy time" when there were his buddies girlfriends and their friends there. He'd get drunk there everytime. He had let it slip one day that his buddy was living with a girl, (she manages the bar at a resturant). Then said "maybe" she lived there a year. Still no straight answers as to how long she'd lived there, how often she had her friends over. He told me she wasn't the first girlfriend to live there after his bud's divorce. I used to think we had something special. I used to think he was honest and trustworthy. He blah blah about geeky weather, and comic stuff and I find out when is having "man time" away from wife and child, he was getting drunk with single women?? And didn't bother to mention it. Do I demand a straight answer for Christmas?
2007-12-19 03:29:53 · 25 answers · asked by so tired 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Already told him, can't risk have anymore kids with him when he brought up having more Children. "We could have another baby and I could join a band."
2007-12-19 03:31:50 · update #1
Wasn't not a bar. It was his buddy's gated condo, and the woman was off work. Why can't he tell her to go. He's throw me out of our "his" house enough. "It's my house. I pay the mortgage. I want you out!"
Damage already done. Went to the company Christmas party without him.Thinking I really need to concentrate on life without him in it. Marriage has been a joke.
2007-12-19 03:53:45 · update #2
Well, if he is going to treat me like this, I might as well be a slut and deserve it. Then life will make sense.
2007-12-19 04:09:10 · update #3
Dropping in.., nah. I'm not the kind of woman who begs to sit around with loud drunk men. Really have got to change my lady like ways. Think I need to find different drunk men to sit around with.
2007-12-19 06:27:09 · update #4
I would not allow this bull to happen, let me guess.....you always stay home with the kids and let him roam as he pleases?
You reap what you sow....you allow the behavior it will get worse.
2007-12-19 03:34:54 · answer #1 · answered by ... 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
A couple of things could be going on here.
1) He may not be comfortable discussing such issues with you. Maybe he thinks you are confrontational or judgemental. Maybe he thinks you will stop him from going. If you want straight answers you must listen with an open mind. The tone of your question does not emit that of an open minded person (no offense, just an observation).
2) Or maybe he doesn't want you to go because he thinks you will hinder his fun if he has to worry about if you are enjoying yourself. Perhaps he thinks you will be a party pooper, and that would be a downer for him. Do you two regularly go to social events together and if so do you both have a good time.
3) Or maybe, just maybe, he has a crush on someone else. Not that he is cheating. A crush is something that will fade very soon. Maybe he likes the attention that he is getting from the single girls. Again, not that anything is going on, but without you by his side he could be less inhibited to joke around with the girls.
If you two can't discuss this openly, perhaps you could do so with a friend, relative, pastor / priest, or even a marriage counciler. It sounds like there are other rooted issues. A Yahoo message board is probably not the best place to try and solve them.
Best of luck to you.
2007-12-19 03:40:37 · answer #2 · answered by FREDDYN 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Forget "answers" honey, it's time for you to lay down the law; no going out anymore, period. His responsibility is wife and family. If he doesn't like it, too damned bad. He's married now, not single, so he should act like it.
This idea of leaving you at home while he parties with these people stinks and then he wants you to have a baby! Do you understand his meaning in having another child? He wants you to be more occupied so he can go play, this joker is really a piece of work.
My suggestion, tell him you've made an appointment with a marriage counselor and you are both going. No excuses. Then, when you go, I want you to listen very carefully to what he says. If you hear anything that remotely smacks of him feeling "trapped" or missing out on something his friends have, time to pack his stuff and show him the door. He does not appreciate and value you and he needs a reality check.
Be strong and respect yourself, do what is best for you.
2007-12-19 03:38:06 · answer #3 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes I agree your marriage has been a joke..but only to him.
I almost never say go, girl...but in this case I think it is best. He is a rotten husband and a worse father. Your baby does not need to be brought up by a man who thinks immoral and stupid mean coarse cheating lying rude cruel irresponsible behavior is "fun".
Run. But run responsibly. Say nothing . Start no arguments. Continue no arguments. I mean whats the use, anyway?
Get a few jobs.. save alot of money.. and file for divorce ONLY when you are ready to go and do so in a financially stable way. THEN go AFTER you have filed with the court. Make sure you file at the same time for child support. Remember.. you do not have to discuss this with him since he is so incredibly dishonest with you in ALL ways. Your baby is depending on you to focus correctly to make a better life for you both.
God bless you both and I am so sorry this is happening to you. My heart goes out to you.
2007-12-19 04:48:31 · answer #4 · answered by juliette 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I certainly wouldn't expect the woman who lives there to leave, just because it's "guy time". Was it just this one woman who lives in the house? If other guys were bringing their girlfriends and my husband / bf didn't invite me, I'd be a little peeved, but if you're just talking about the woman who lives in the home, then you're entirely out of line and overreacting.
I can't believe these people suggesting spying and sneaking around. Have an intelligent conversation with your husband. Relationships are built on communication. Work out exactly what your expectations are together and there will be no question when an issue comes up.
2007-12-19 03:35:36 · answer #5 · answered by Phoenix: Princess of Cupcakes 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This does sound bad, but it is not that peculiar. Guys get together, but wherever they do get together, it can be hard to kick the resident female out in order to make it purely "guy time". When more of my friends began letting the men drop by on "girl's night" I did open it up to my husband as well, but if we had been hanging out at one of our places and the man of the house just happened to be in the place, it would not have mattered to me. The fact is that other than getting drunk, there is probably nothing exciting happening at "guy time" - the mystery is all in the "no girls allowed" policy. They are hanging out, talking trash and getting drunk...just like girls night. She's single, but is basically the one guys significant other - possibly manly or ditzy enough to be considered harmless for them to include.
You could just invite yourself over to "guy time" sometime, they will be modestly scandalized, but since nothing interesting is actually going on, they will get over it pretty quickly. Actually, most of the guys would probably love the drama. "Guy time" is usually about guys trying to still talk like young bucks - not act like young bucks, if you get my drift.
I think you should visit guy time. It sounds exciting and it isn't. As long as he is not doing this more than once a week, it is not bad - he should drop it back to once a month and catch a taxi if he wants to have more kids with you - apparently he needs a lot of "me" time for a father - why should you have to be the only one home with the kids? Or you can tell him you want as many nights with him completely to yourself as he spends with the guys - maybe the buddy's girlfriend can babysit. ;)
2007-12-19 03:43:28 · answer #6 · answered by Amy R 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are his wife and definitely deserve a straight answer. I don't think that his definition of "guy time" is exactly correct and it wouldn't be out of line for you to tell him he can't go if he doesn't tell you the truth. That's what a marriage is about. Would he like it if you were off with your girlfriends and some of their single guy friends drinking? I doubt it. Mention it to him that way.
2007-12-19 03:34:09 · answer #7 · answered by Leigh08 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i understand you have a child with this guy and all. but if he cant be honest about who he hangs with at the bar, then what else is he not straight forward about? demand and threaten. why dont you go with him one day. ask him if you could go with him to the bar. if he dont let you go, then ther s more to his story. why wouldnt he want to flaunt his wife around his buddies. sorry to make you seem like an object, but i hope you understand. but you will also have to look at how long has this been going on, and why. then ask question like do you love me, do u wanna be with me, if so then why do u lie about the bar. i hope im helping. good luck with ur relationship sweetie. and merry christmas.
i say for the new yr, get a new man. a christmas gift for you. :D
2007-12-19 03:39:35 · answer #8 · answered by S-Dot 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why do you care if his friend has a GF? thats not his business or yours? you need to be concerned as to why if other guys were brining there GF or wifes or what ever why you were not brought along. The GF thing is irrelevant in my eyes. the relationships of his buddies is a non issue.
2007-12-19 03:36:54 · answer #9 · answered by Slick 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's a selfish, childish, untrustworthy idiot. And he's *always* been that way.
Why in the HELL did you spend time with him, fall in love with him, get engaged, marry him, and have his kids?
Wow.
The best you can learn from this - you both need to grow up and change. You both made mistakes - his was getting married while still immature; yours was thinking your love could magically transform him into a resposible, trustworthy, grown up man.
But a woman who doesn't want a man's kids has no business being married to him.
2007-12-19 03:41:17 · answer #10 · answered by filthy_crumb 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i went through the same years ago. you need to get to the bottom of this. it could be that your husband is running away for a 'moment' through this time with his single friends or it could be that he has no other outlet available to him to rest and relax or could be peer pressure (wanting to fit in with his friends) so many 'possibilities'!!!! dont make this into a p**ssing contest.. you'll loose everytime. perhaps a planned 'get away' or 'romantic' dinner will help loosen him up..men seem to really hold onto their 'feelings' he maybe afraid to tell you.. if he even knows himself!! be as gentle as you can, but persistent in the quest to get to the bottom of his behavior (it doesnt matter what his friends are doing or why, its his behavior that is your concern, and the implications of it) when you both can come to the 'truth' then i am sure there will be 'answers'
2007-12-19 03:41:07 · answer #11 · answered by karen w 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋